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Fivenineteen is Five!

05 Sunday Oct 2014

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Life has whoooooshed by so rapidly these past few weeks I forgot to acknowledge that fivenineteen turned 5 last month.  FIVE!!  Holy smokes…launching this blog back in September 2009 seems like a lifetime ago.  So much has changed…for the better.  I’m back to work (goddamn that 2009-2010 era sucked), I’m in the best shape of my life at age 47, and just so much more happy and confident.  Content.  Calm.  Balanced.  YES.

But it hasn’t come without conscious effort to make changes for the better.  And I’ve had a lot of great help, support and coaching along the way.  Nobody does it alone…that is one of the themes that drives me and how I choose to live my life.  And it feels good to know your Truth.

There have been struggles for sure.  Most recently, getting abruptly cut from my contracting job last May put me in a tailspin.  Thankfully not a severe one, for our job market is a lot stronger than it was 5 years ago, and I’d already built up a lot of great habits thanks to the Lean Eating for Women coaching I’d been working through the past 10 months or so.  I could have easily said fuck it and sabotaged myself, wallowing in my sudden state of unemployment and drowning myself in too much food and plopping my sorry butt on the couch.  But nope, the discipline was there to keep on going.  “Keep on going…” the wise words of encouragement I hear so often from my Dad.  I love it.

In a warped way, I could say that Manager who cut me from my job (for reasons I’ll never know) did me a favor. I hate to give out credit to someone I have zero respect for or reason to emulate but I think it’s partially true.  It lit a fire in me.  It made me realize I’d come to the end of an era and it was time to take a leap and jump into something different career-wise.  Meaning, searching for a place to hang my hat…and get off the eight-year contractor merry-go-round.

So while I was happy to land a new position mere weeks after losing my previous job, I knew they weren’t my Tribe for the long haul.  GREAT team though.  Really wonderful, hard-working people.  But the networking wheels were in motion, and another great opportunity was already whirling around.

And it surfaced.  And it happened.  And I couldn’t be happier.  Last week I started a brand new full-time, permanent job in a field I’ve always wanted to work in.  And I’m doing the kind of work I’ve grown to love over nearly 14 (!) years…and I’m back to working in downtown Seattle again.  I’ve found a wonderful new team to collaborate with.  You can feel the warmth the minute you step off the elevator.  I’m not kidding.  I’m no energy expert, but I’m very sensitive to the vibes an office space or home gives off when I step inside.  Maybe I’ll blog more about that later.

What a shift!  I haven’t worked in Seattle proper in (gulp) 17 years.  And while things are still new and gelling, I’m really enjoying my new commute.  I’m lucky to be mere minutes away from a park & ride lot which has quite a few buses heading into Seattle throughout the morning.  Now, sure, in time this will get to be a routine and maybe even a grind when the weather turns crappy and it gets darker earlier, but for now I’m savoring it.  Some people asked me if I was going to commute in by car and I said absolutely NO WAY.  I’m not going to slowly chip away at the physical and mental improvements I’ve made over the past year by killing myself with a grueling drive in traffic, a toll bridge and expensive downtown parking.  Nope, rather I can meditate on the bus, take a nap or play with my phone.  Ahhh.

Now it’s time to head out to the lake and enjoy the gloriously sunny early Fall weather.

Changes, Celebrated Outdoors!

14 Sunday Sep 2014

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I sit here, smiling, relishing how wonderful the last few weeks have been.  Summer’s doing a hard-core sprint to the official finish line and boy does she deliver.  We’re sunny and in the 80s during the day and it’s fantastic.  I make sure to squeeze in 20 minutes or so to enjoy the sunshine during the workday with a walk around the campus Commons, and I usually get a walk/light jog on Sundays down to Juanita Beach, just a couple of miles from my house.  That plus my regular gym workouts and I’m definitely keeping my “tanks” full.

BIG changes are on the way…after a tumultuous spring getting abruptly cut from my job, networking like crazy for another one (my current one)…I’ve found The One.  Yes, I’m leaving behind eight years of contracting and have accepted a full-time permanent job offer with a company in downtown Seattle.  Yes…DOWNTOWN!  The city girl in the suburbs for the last 17 years will get her downtown fix once again!

And I feel so happy.  And CALM.  THIS is the right next move for my career.  Contracting has provided so much experience and has really sharpened my work and people skills, but it’s not for me long-term.  Some people have wondered why I’m not screaming and jumping up and down – ?  Well shit, this feels so right it’s just centered me.  I feel happy, relaxed and balanced.  Glowing and content.  I truly adore my current group of co-workers.  Awesome people, hard working…and they make the time for a few good laughs.  Sounds like a great combo doesn’t it? Yep, it sure is. But, they’re not my Tribe.

Now that I’ve given my two weeks notice (which went smoothly, just as expected), I’ve got plenty to do to get things wrapped up and transitioned.  So it’s nice keeping busy in the interim. [I’m not a good slacker – this I’ve learned over the decades of working].

I peeked at my calendar and thought “oohhhhh my goodness.”  My last day with my current job is right smack on the Autumnal Equinox.  I LOVE the changing seasons, and the Equinoxes are glorious times to make changes.  Delicious.  Coincidence?  Hmmm…not sure.  But I do know there are NO accidents.

Meanwhile, lots of great stuff has been happening outdoors!  Check out my Labor Day post recapping a wonderful weekend of hiking and road tripping.  And great music!  I haven’t had a whopping dose of live music like this in years.  Couple outdoor concerts at the Ste. Michelle Winery in Woodinville.  Earth Wind & Fire back in late August, and Crosby Stills & Nash just last night!  If you haven’t experienced an outdoor concert at Ste. Michelle, add it to your Bucket List NOW.  It’s an amazing experience.  Just bring a blanket and some munchies, picnic-style, and find your spot on the lawn near the stage.  Pick up a bottle of wine from the stands nearby and you’re all set.  The evening started with an absolutely clear blue sky overhead, dotted with a few hot air balloons floating around…then to twinkling stars and a little chill in the air that tells you summer’s winding down. [Bring a sweatshirt!] Add in musical legends on stage and you’ve got a recipe for pure Bliss right there.

Damn it feels good to be moving on.  On from a career chapter that’s writing its final words right now.  Soon to be put in the vault forever.  Not ever entirely forgotten, for there is so much to remember and savor…but finished.

I’m ready.

NOW it Feels like Sunday Again…

20 Sunday Jul 2014

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Wow.  I took the longest blogging break yet here in fivenineteen land.  Enough to where a couple of my followers out there were wondering what was going on!  I was actually flattered by that to be honest.  It IS a nice relaxing ritual to write in here, usually on Sundays…it’s a nice rhythm in my life and has been for nearly 5 years!!

But I guess I needed a break.  I gave myself permission to not force myself to write “just because it’s Sunday.”  Never should feel like an obligation in here.  Rather, it’s a joy.

Since my last post I’ve been heads down in the job hunt.  Being out of work sucks ass but I was fortunate to be a job seeker in a strong economy with TONS of great leads.  Every recruiter and hiring manager I spoke with sounded like they were absolutely buried in work.  And surprised by it too!  I guess we instinctually feel it’s summertime and things should therefore slow down a little bit?  Not so much!

So job hunting was my full-time job since I got abruptly cut from my contracting gig of 14 months back on May 22.  Head down here on the home laptop.  On the phone every day talking my battery down to near zero.  Keeping my job search spreadsheet up to date while claiming unemployment benefits.  The good news is that I have started a new job just recently on 7/17 – another consulting engagement slated to run a year – at a company I’ve consulted with before.  In fact this is Gig Number Five there for me – wow!  So it’s like putting on a somewhat-familiar shoe again.  There’s comfort in that for sure.   Now, I AM taking a slight pay cut compared to my last engagement but hell, it’s a LOT more pay than collecting unemployment!  So I’ll try not to sound ungrateful, but on the other hand the consulting firm is getting somewhat of a bargain with me.

Before accepting this new position I had a wonderful interview experience…traveling out of town!  I interviewed for a full-time, permanent position with a company based out of Indianapolis, but has a small office here in the Seattle area.  I was pretty much treated like royalty door to door, with my plane trip booked, nice hotel to crash in overnight, and car service wherever I needed to go.  A truly outstanding interview experience.

And even preparing for the interview swooshed along like a dream.  I knew I needed something nice to wear for the interview, but after a now FORTY pound weight loss since July last year (YES!) I barely had any clothes that fit, and certainly not anything corporate interview appropriate – where I’ve worked it’s so casual!  So once again the fantastic sales associates at my favorite Nordstrom  came to the rescue and found me a fabulous new black pantsuit and top to wear underneath…and did a rush overnight tailoring job for me as well, no charge.  WOW!!  The pantsuit fit like a dream, and the sales associate about burst into tears when she saw me in it (I had shared my weight loss story with her meanwhile).  And I teared up too.  I felt like a million bucks…and wearing a (US) size 10 made me feel really happy about my accomplishments  (I was around US size 16ish at my heaviest last year).

What a difference on that plane ride too!  I hadn’t flown since last July, before starting the Lean Eating for Women program.  I actually felt somewhat comfortable in those tiny airplane seats!  And I can cross my legs when I’m sitting now too!

The team who interviewed me was great.  Good, positive energy in the building, and frankly I rocked the interview.  Got whisked back to the airport right afterwards and flew home.  Got home, wrote my thank you notes and waited.  But then THUD…after all that wonderful, personalized attention I got a generic “we’re looking at other candidates” follow-up email a couple of days later.

It was a let down.  I won’t kid you there.  Felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  And I cried a little. I gave myself permission to be sad about it, but only for one day.  I was so hopeful that would have been my ticket off the eight-year contractor merry-go-round.  But not this time, nope. Then it was time to move on.  It still was an amazing experience, and who knows down the road where it could lead.

I was grateful to have the other offer still on the table and still available for me to slide into.  I’m trying not to look at it like a second choice or consolation prize…after all I’m in a VERY fast-growing and highly visible area of the company I’m now working at.  And the team is dynamite – very positive and hard-working, but also laid back.

So now…ahhhhh, the ritual of Sunday.  Laundry.  Blogging.  And food prep for the week ahead.  Funny how when I’m not working things like that became a nuisance and drudgery.  Well, not the blogging part of course.  I just needed a short break.

But I’m back now.

March Goes WHOOOOSHING By….

16 Sunday Mar 2014

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Holy freaking smokes…the last couple of weeks have put me on rocket ride turbo overload!  I’ve got an adrenaline junkie streak in me no doubt, but sometimes when life kicks into surprise WHOOSH mode it’s like a rush but where the hell is my seatbelt and helmet??

I received some major kudos at work…by just doing my job! Dang and wow!  After sending out a meeting recap to a few people on one of our project teams that email somehow got forwarded to a Director and then a few notches up to our VP!  With very nice words about what I was doing.  Apparently I unknowingly hit the nail on the head on a new initiative senior leadership is working on to promote getting more ahead of the curve on certain projects.  Guess this was one of those projects! Now, I am a contractor/consultant at this job (going on one year here this week – wow), and while we are treated well as contingent workers, kudos like that are RARE.  RARE, I tell you.  It’s very much a “no news is good news” type of work environment, so I never expect to hear or read things like that!  But hey, I’ll take the compliment!

What’s going on with the Lean Eating program I started last July?  After plateau’ing with weight loss (is that a word) for a few weeks I am starting to see movement again…and in the right direction!  I’m down 29.5 lbs (13.4 kg) – !!  10 lbs lighter since Christmas time!  Holy shit I am feeling FANTASTIC!  Rockin’ confidence and sass like I haven’t in YEARS.  Being consistent and persistent with this “program” (I use “program” in quotes because it’s a lifestyle shift) is the key to success for sure.  I get up every day and read the workout I’m supposed to do, I practice the lifestyle habits, I work out 5-6 nights a week and have made incredible (but not drastic) changes in my relationship with food.  Learning what works for me – what content goes in my own personal operating manual!  People are really starting to notice.  And when I go out to eat with people I haven’t seen in a while, sometimes they’ll say “Oh, fivenineteen, you probably don’t want to share a dessert with the rest of us because of what you’re doing…”.  Or other silly assumptions like that.  Are you kidding me?  Sure, I’ll have a bite of the cake we’re ordering or a scoop of ice cream.  I don’t need a huge serving to really savor a delicious dessert, but I can have a taste if I want to…or not!

And lately, people have been seeking out my opinions on things.  Calling me the ‘voice of reason.’  WHAT??  I’m stunned!  I listen to problems and offer my perspective and viewpoint.  Empathy.  Strength.  I get this trait from my Dad actually, at risk of tooting my own horn again.

Are the changes in my body, my personality and my confidence affecting more than just my physical self?  Am I seen as happier, more outgoing…more attractive?

I think the answer is YES. No wait, I KNOW.

So, How’s that Lean Eating Program Going?

12 Thursday Sep 2013

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A few people have asked me how things are going with the Lean Eating for Women program I started back in late July.  WOW!  I did this through the entire month of August and now all of a sudden it’s mid September!  YES!  I’m still doing this…I’m not giving up!  This is a year-long journey, and I am so happy to have tons of support all around me.  People like J, my family and my friends.  And a few co-workers who I trust to share what I’m doing.

Ironically, my work environment, the place I spend the most of my hours, is not conducive to this life changing journey of mine.  Work is an all-out Food Palooza every day.  I’ve probably blogged about this before.  Someone is always bringing in donuts or pastries and passing them around to everyone.  The DBAs in the cube farm near me love to bring in ice cream for themselves every week and since I sit near them they always offer me some too.  We’re always chatting about what we’re doing for lunch – who’s going out to lunch and where – or who volunteers to go pick up takeout Chinese.  People sometimes get offended when I politely decline the donuts they’re passing out.  That’s OK – that’s their stuff to deal with, not mine.

We even had an ice cream social at work this week as a nice thank you for all that we’ve been doing these past couple of months.  200 people descended on the large meeting room near our cafeteria and it was a make your own sundae set up with our Directors and VPs scooping up ice cream for us.  Fun!  I did have one scoop of chocolate ice cream and ate it slowly.  Interestingly enough, it didn’t taste that great.  Kind of metallic and yucky!

Now wait a second, why the heck am I blogging on a Thursday afternoon, you might be wondering?  Well, I woke up not feeling that great this morning with a slightly sore throat.  So I knew I didn’t have a lot of meetings today and just stayed at home and slept.  I am feeling a lot better now.  I probably slept with my mouth open and it got all dry and irritated!  Too funny.  What a relief!  I simply don’t have time to get sick!

Lean Eating is a habit-based coaching program.  Who wants to get overwhelmed having to learn everything they need to do all at once when starting something new, right?  That’s a guaranteed formula for failure.  Rather, this program has you start out small, just doing one or two things every day, repeating them.  And you track your progress on a private site to show whether or not you did your habits that particular day.  As time goes by, exercise programs are introduced, and now we’re just starting to practice some food-based habits.  Every habit builds upon the other one.  Get off track for a bit?  No problem…tomorrow is a clean slate!

We also are provided some reading material online every day and a short assignment to reflect on how you can apply the lesson content into your own life.  And, you track your progress online to show you’ve completed that day’s lesson.  If you get behind, it’s easy to catch up and see which ones you still need to do!  This was perfect for me, as I was in Kansas City in late July for Silpada National Conference right when the Lean Eating program kicked off so I missed the first few days of the program.  In retrospect that wasn’t a big deal at all, but I remember at the time I was a little worried as I had no idea what to expect!

The Precision Nutrition coaching team is very grounded.  Each of us in the program is assigned a coach, and there are online forums and private Facebook groups to hook up with to share ideas and ask questions.  My coach sends her group a short video message every week and we can book appointments with her to chat over the phone or Skype.  I would bet there isn’t one scenario they haven’t been through with the thousands of clients they’ve worked with!  So, no excuses!  Practice your habits, do your workouts and complete your assignments!  And it’s all with a sense of humor too – I don’t feel like I’m in a military boot camp at all!  And did I mention how easy it is?  Meaning, I just read what I’m supposed to do that day, do it and note online I completed it.  They include short videos showing how to do the exercises and I just print out the exercise list for that day and take it with me to the gym!

Getting exercise is becoming a habit with me again. I remember now how great I feel after a workout and how it helps me unwind mentally.  I’m at the gym 5 nights a week, I do something active outdoors once a week and have one day off.  I looked at my stats and I’ve been 93% compliant with getting my workouts done over the past two weeks!  YES!  High Five!  I feel great and have noticed some subtle changes in my muscle tone.  I’m down 7.5 lbs (3.4 kg) and can see the double chin slowly going away. Some of the exercises that were super hard at first are now getting slightly easier.  This has been a huge wakeup call for me.  I turned 46 in May and have never had a naturally thin, fit build.  After losing 35 lbs 10 years ago I gained about 60 lbs back!  This is not healthy!  So that’s why I’m doing this.  Regular exercise is essential for me to be the best me…YES!

I am a ‘peeker.’  I want to peek ahead and see what the program content will be toward the end.  I want to know exactly how we’ll shift into maintenance mode once the program wraps up next year. I want to know how to manage things like life that will conflict with the time I’ve budgeted to exercise every day. Hell, when I cook I like to open the oven door and peek at what’s cooking and inhale the aroma!  Peek peek peek!

Well, the Lean Eating website must have been designed with peekers like me in mind.  There is new content posted each day….and we can only peek ahead two days!  Ha ha!!  If you try to peek ahead further you’ll get redirected back to today’s info.  Well done, PN!

Intuitive Eating Checkpoint…and an Updated Supplements Rollcall

17 Wednesday Apr 2013

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TurmericTime for an off-cycle post to keep y’all guessing…typically I post on Sundays but I was a little tied up and tired last Sunday.  J and I are continuing to tackle my beyond messy garage, and last weekend was focused just on icky cobweb removal and sweeping.  Yep, it was that bad.  Next up is another round of sweeping and then some TLC to seal up the cracked concrete that’s letting in trickles of water whenever it rains.  Yes, it literally, really and truly all “rolls downhill.”  Gotta love living at the bottom of a steep hill, and who knows where the uphill drainage problems lie.  Plus, my garage is mostly below ground level.  Then, we PAINT!

I can’t believe that this Friday marks one month at my new job!  Job shifts can be both abrupt and uplifting when you work short-term consulting engagements as I’ve done since circa 2006, and/but I find they also provide a huge opportunity to revisit my workweek routines and make changes!  How exhilarating!

I continue to practice Intuitive Eating  as a way to swear off the diet mentality once and for all.  And also with the long-term goal to normalize my weight…gradually and without hunger!  This is a daily journey of discovery, and every day I feel more confident about the choices I make and I steer far away from judging myself or criticizing myself on how “well” I did on any given day.  That comes right down to thinking about food differently…meaning, there’s no such thing as ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’ food. It’s just FOOD!  And what one might typically label as “junk food,” is better known as “play food.”  I love that! 

A new work routine is perfect fodder for reshaping my eating habits.  In my previous job, for example, I would typically skip breakfast as I was constantly running late and was facing an unbelievable 45 minute suburb-to-suburb commute.  What a head scratcher!  Toward the end of that work assignment I discovered Intuitive Eating and I began bringing stuff to work like granola to enjoy with milk (the company provided beverages free of charge) or I would just go grab an early lunch.  And I also started enjoying mid to late afternoon mini meals which I previously had avoided, thinking I would somehow “spoil” my dinner appetite. I brought in meal replacement shakes I had purchased over a year ago for a 5-day cleanse I was too chicken to try and ended up mixing them occasionally with milk – they’re perfect as a midday snack rather than the torture of using them to replace meal after meal for days in a row!  I also started bringing in snacks such as unsalted almonds.  And I started enjoying V8 juice something fierce.  I listened closely to my body’s internal cues and really began Honoring My Hunger. 

Now my work commute has shrunk to a glorious 15 minutes in the morning and maybe a half hour tops in the evening.  And our team has an unwritten rule that no matter how hectic things might be…get away from your desk for 30 minutes and take a midday break!  Granted that break might be at 11:00am some days and 2:00pm other days, but take the break!  We have a significant team presence in Atlanta, 3 hours ahead of Seattle time.  So I am often on conference calls during traditional lunch break hours here on the west coast.  I find that Intuitive Eating works wonderfully in these types of constantly changing midday mealtimes, and I love it!  I’m moving into a routine of eating 2 smaller meals during the day anyway…two “mini lunches,” and it seems to work well keeping me feeling satisfied and not stuffed and bloated.

Given our cafeteria could use some competition of sorts (and given I was royally spoiled by the massive, spectacular food service provided at my previous job), I’m starting to bring more of my own food in to work in a cool lunch tote bag that’s insulated with foil to keep food warm or cold.  What’s in the bag? 

  • Raw, unsalted almonds
  • Organic walnuts (look up ‘health benefits of walnuts’ and you’ll be astonished!)
  • Yogurt-covered raisins
  • A can of low sodium V8 juice (perfect for a midday pick me up; I’ve sworn off soda completely during the workweek – even sparkling water – as it’s no longer free of charge in our work vending machines)
  • String cheese
  • Greek yogurt (I’m still experimenting with what I like and don’t like, but I do enjoy the tangier taste of Greek yogurt compared to traditional yogurt.)
  • Gluten free pretzels
  • Baby carrots

I also enjoy a sweet treat occasionally, such as when someone brings in donuts or other pastries, or when I take a fun swing by a co-worker’s desk who always has tons of small candies in a glass jar. (That’s the “play food” I mentioned earlier; sometimes nothing will do but a couple of Tootsie rolls.)  And I go through water by the gallon.  I gave up Diet Coke in early January 2010, and now I’m losing my craving for canned, sparkling sodas as well.  I do think this has cut down on my tummy bloat, but we’ll see how that pans out long-term!

And, knock on wood, I’ve yet to come down with any sniffles or illness this calendar year!  I’ve built on the arsenal of supplements for staying healthy post I did earlier this year and thought I’d share what else I’ve discovered.

I take most of my supplements in the morning before heading to work, but also take a few in the evening before dinner:

Morning routine:

  • 1 glass of low sodium V8 juice
  • 1 glass of buttermilk (I know, I know, this can trigger gag reflexes in many of you, but I love buttermilk – I adore the slightly sour and tangy taste and also how it fills me up – that’s my Dad’s genes at work)

Morning supplements:

  • Concentrated fruits and vegetables
  • Antioxidants
  • Double X supplements – I alternate this daily with the two supplements above. This is a 3-tablet turbo boost of vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients.
  • An Omega-3 supplement. This is especially important to me now, as I’m no longer in a position to regularly enjoy some good seared salmon during the day at lunch.
  • Evening Primrose Oil:  I actually take a capsule of this both in the morning and in the evening.  Ladies, if you’re mid 40-something like me and the hormones are a-changin’, this is a great way to even everything out.  It lessens food cravings and cuts back on PMS mood swings (not that mine were ever anything severe, thank goodness) and breast lumpiness/tenderness, which is typical prior to your period.  But check out the link for more, as its benefits go far beyond anything strictly female-related.

Evening supplements:

  • Evening Primrose Oil
  • Milk Thistle and Dandelion – a great protectant of your liver.
  • Turmeric – my goodness read up on the health benefits of this herb…astonishing!  And next time I will likely order a refill through this website for a far better deal than at my local grocery store.  I debate between spending a lot on supplements vs getting a discounted version. 

After all, what could be more important that what we put into our bodies to fuel and nourish ourselves?  Shouldn’t we seek out the very best?  It doesn’t have to be the most expensive product per se, but I’m all for finding a bargain wherever possible.

Cheers!

Jet Lagged Sunday

24 Sunday Mar 2013

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If this post doesn’t make a lot of sense or if sentences drift away before they’re completed, here’s why:  I’m wired and tired. 

GREAT news that I did indeed grab the next trapeze bar…meaning, I have a new job!  And what perfect timing it was to get the offer accepted and all paperwork completed – I had a couple of weeks to truly decompress without the stress of job hunting and rest the ol’ brain and body.  I absolutely loved my last work engagement.  But it took me a good week to really mentally unwind and cleanse myself of the day-to-day stresses a job brings.  And I had a fantastic mini road trip down to Oregon to visit my wonderful friend D and then back into southern Washington to see my youngest brother and my nephews and niece!  Perfect way to cap off time off – get outta Dodge for a while!

Now it’s back to the grind – a new type of grind – as I get acclimated into my new job.  I’m at a completely different company than the one I was at prior, in a different industry and doing a slightly modified form of the Project Management work I’ve specialized in since circa 2001.  I contracted at this company 7 years ago, and boy have I grown since that time!  I’m really enjoying observing how things have changed and yet not changed in those years since I was last there.  It’s going to be a tough engagement, but I’m rested, happy and ready. 

One component of this job is running backend technology updates and deployments…and that means working overnight one weekend a month.  I knew this going into the job interview, plus I knew the schedule was set up in advance – it’s not an on-call type of scenario.  But – surprise – little did I know that THIS weekend (Saturday into today) was one of those deployment weekends!  My new manager gave me the opportunity to decline participating in it given it was short notice, but I said no, I’m diving in as long as you think I could provide value given I’m so new. (Otherwise, I’m happy to stock up on sleep!).  The only way to learn and get accustomed to something new is to just dive right in, observe and jump in wherever it’s needed!

So, I did.  Starting at – gulp – 3:00 a.m. this morning.  Yes, that’s the middle of the night.  Which meant attempting to get into bed much earlier than I normally do in order to force some sleep…while trying not to stress that the alarm really WAS set correctly to wake me up around 2:15 a.m. with enough time to throw on some comfy clothes and drive to the office.  I was surprised how many cars were on the road at that insane hour, actually!

Now I’m home, happy and sleepy but mentally replaying how well everything went with the team during the deployment despite the issues we encountered.  I don’t dare take a nap for fear of making my ‘jet lag’ even worse to where I won’t be able to sleep tonight.  I feel like I do when I get home from late night hockey games. 

Except it’s daytime and I’m not nearly as sweaty or stinky.

The Next Trapeze Bar

03 Sunday Mar 2013

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And I’m off…flying…with no idea which bar I’ll grab next!  Wow, this is a kooky, exhilarating feeling. 

My work assignment wrapped up on 2/28.  And what an incredible sendoff from my co-workers.  A nice card, cupcakes to share and a very generous gift certificate to Bellevue Square.  I was moved beyond words and got a little choked up reading the card.  Definitely not a typical way to finish up a consultant’s assignment [I’m not an employee of the company where I was working]!  But these past 19 months have been anything BUT typical.  And, at risk of sounding like a broken record, they’ll be a hard act to follow.  Sometimes you strike it lucky and land with a team where everyone resonates…the ensemble sings in harmony.  The chemistry works – the right mix of personality types is there.  People respect each other’s differences, as much as we can drive each other crazy sometimes.  The unexpected bursts of laughter ringing through the common office wall I shared with our Senior Director.  Whenever I felt burdened or stressed at my desk and would hear that infectious laugh I couldn’t help but smile. 

Now I’m in that giddy and sometimes scary limbo-land.  Whatever I land next is going to be completely different – a paradigm shift of culture, energy, expectations and work style.  And this is typical when you do short-term consulting engagements as I have for the past nearly 7 (!) years – mostly.  There are huge shifts to make to zoom into a new environment.  And it requires a strong mix of enthusiasm and self-confidence that comes with experience, and an open mind like a sponge.  The ability to listen and make connections quickly.  To introduce yourself to people on your own if whomever is bringing you onboard doesn’t have the time to do it.

Right now I’m very pleased with the volume of leads out there and the amount of networking and interviewing I’ve squeezed in since January.  And while I don’t like to get into specifics here as many of you know, I feel good that something new is going to materialize soon.  I just don’t know what it is!  But I have faith that whatever it is, it’s the right next thing for me.

And as the calendar flips to Monday tomorrow, I’ll be on pins and needles waiting for a phone call with feedback on my frontrunner job opening…on whether it’s a go or not.  It’s so tempting to just stop and catch my breath and wait, but I know myself too well.  Sitting around waiting for an uber-anticipated email or phone call just makes time grind to a halt!

What to do?  I remember the advice I’ve given to others in this same position – STAY BUSY!  Keep networking!  If you’re in between jobs, keep busy by getting in the gym to blow off stress, get outside for some fresh air, get out of the house and meet colleagues/contacts for lunch and continue to interview elsewhere! 

Nothing is a done deal until it’s a done deal!

More Intuitive Eating Journeys!

24 Sunday Feb 2013

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Middle Fork Sno RiverWell hmmm!  I unintentionally took a mid-winter break of sorts last week with no post!  As much as I relish this Sunday writing ritual (and I hope you all do too!) I do enjoy a mental break a couple of times a year.

I went on an amazing hike last Sunday – my first ever winter hike – along the middle fork of the Snoqualmie River.   From the gorgeous scenery, the patches of snow on the trail and the sounds of the beautiful rushing river below, this is a must-see.  And it’s not a super extreme kick-your-ass type of hike either.  I was glad for that.  J does quite a bit of hiking, while I in contrast have 10-year-old hiking boots I’ve probably worn 10 times or less, so I’m definitely a novice.  I’m just not a super outdoorsy person, despite living a short drive from so much to explore outside of the city and suburbs.  So it was nice doing a radical change of scenery while feeling safe and having fun with someone who knows his stuff and how to navigate the twisty turning access roads like a champ.  Who knows…I just might rediscover hiking this spring and summer!

On the Intuitive Eating front I feel like I lapsed back a bit these past couple weeks…back to my habit of unconscious eating.  Meaning, eating lunch or snacking while I’m at my desk at work, or absent-mindedly munching on pasta for dinner while on my couch watching TV.  Or inhaling a protein bar while driving to work.  Just not really paying any attention to the food itself, how it tastes or how full I’m getting.  And all of this is perfectly OK!  I know it deep down and the assurance of my coach sealed the deal.  My life has been full of lots of additional stresses and noises, and it’s only been a growing crescendo recently.  I’m wrapping up my current work engagement in T-minus 4 days while interviewing for another one.  I love the experience that interviewing provides, and I have a lot more confidence doing it this time around, whether it’s over the phone or in-person with a panel.  My work engagement was a roaring success with an amazing team…they’re gonna be a hard act to follow!  Contrast that to when I was out of work a few years ago.  I felt broken and empty. My self-confidence had taken a beating after 7 or 8 months of not working.  THIS time around it’s a different story.  It’s energizing…but exhausting.  I come home from work mentally fried after fielding an interview or two that same day.  And I haven’t been exercising as regularly as I’d hoped I would to blow off that stress.  I finally got back in the gym yesterday for the first time this year!  What a joy that the typical New Years crowds have died down!

My coach recommended a wonderful exercise to practice when I’m feeling in a whirlwind, fried and running on adrenaline. It’s 3 minutes of mindfulness…of sensing my body, where it’s touching surfaces like the floor or a chair…then noticing the sounds I hear around me…and lastly what I see.  And a few deep breaths!  That’s the high level content of the exercise and yes, it works!

I thought I’d post today about one of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.  Sometimes (rather, often times), writing things down helps the ideas and concepts seal into my brain. 

Principle 1:  Reject the diet mentality.  Yeah, this one’s a DOOZY, especially this first part of the year when it seems just about everyone is making resolutions to lose weight and trying all sorts of diets or cleanses and gleefully posting about them on Facebook or in water cooler chit-chat at work.  Here’s what the authors have to say about this oh-so-challeging-to-grasp first principle:

“Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily and permanently.  Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight.  If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.”

Hoo doggy…how’s THAT for a polarizing few sentences?  Flies right in the face of what most of us (well, many I know) have been taught through society expectations and peer pressure, doesn’t it?  What do YOU think about this first principle? 

Yep…”get angry at the lies.”  That’s powerful stuff!  When a diet ‘failed’ and I gained back all of the weight and then some, I immediately pointed the finger at myself, that *I* was the once who blew it.  Know what?  It was the DIET…NOT ME!  I’m really trying to get the clanging gong in my head once and for all that DIETS DON’T WORK! They are THE quickest way to short-circuit a healthy relationship with food. And like my coach says, “once you have made that mental shift, you can’t un-ring the bell.”  It reminds me a bit of the workshops I did last spring which celebrate men and women and our differences.  Talk about an illuminating new point of view!  Once you really let it sink in, there’s no going back.  Ever.

There’s much, much more about this first principle in the book…and there is a very detailed 4-step process on how to go about rejecting the diet mentality.  I promise you, this content is worth reading through several times.  We are so diet-obsessed in this society and readily identify with a choice to diet no matter what it is…and yet the Intuitive Eating process is quite often met with confusion or dismissal.  Listening to internal cues, eating what my body wants when it’s hungry…and stopping when I feel full.  How can this be so foreign and hard to grasp? 

One poster on an IE online discussion forum I peruse frequently sums it up great, with a little tongue in cheek:  “It’s hilarious that people can post about what urine they are injecting to lose weight, or what barely legal speed pill is the new miracle of weight loss, but any mention of eating according to natural hunger and you are a zealot and unacceptable.”  I love it.  And I hope she doesn’t mind me anonymously quoting her post.  It’s a gem and worth sharing.

I’m just barely turning a corner on this journey, leaving dieting behind forever.  I know this is the right path for me. 

No one knows my body better than my own body!

Fighting to be Happy

14 Sunday Oct 2012

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…while suppressing that inner volcano of mine.  Despite being a relatively overall positive and happy person, I have a bad temper.  I just rarely show it.  Sometimes I get so goddamn mad I can’t see straight.  I rage within.  Perhaps this is the Taurus in me…perhaps it’s just DNA.  Sometimes it scares me.

It started on Friday.  I got some news that deeply upset me, that popped out the last hole in my patience punch card.  I’m done.  I’ve had a home improvement project underway here in the townhouse since early February.   It was supposed to be done in June.  It was supposed to be done mostly with the help of a good friend of mine who put the whole plan together.  Money changed hands as part of this deal…which is still barely a third of the way complete and that’s being generous.  Hard to put a fraction label on it.  All I know is I’ve been living amongst various forms of shifting clutter and it’s extra noise in my life I don’t need.

The bad news was time, or lack thereof rather.  Yet another schedule hiccup which means no work on the home project this weekend.  [We’d planned to do the work just a few days prior.]  I sat at my desk at work that Friday morning when the bad news text popped up.  And I about dropped my phone.  Unbelievable.  My response?  Silence.  I was so furious I was afraid what I might say in response if I picked up the phone or texted a reply. 

This is why I sometimes hate texting.  I can’t tell if there’s any inkling of apology, compassion or accountability behind the words that we couldn’t work on the project this weekend.  And I feel like my generous spirit, kindness and understanding have been partially ripped out of my body, stomped on and made a mockery of.  Taken advantage of. THAT’S what triggered my rage.

I seethed and fumed the rest of the day, both pissed off and feeling ashamed of myself too.  This is a First World problem for sure.  Nobody’s dying and nobody’s house burned to the ground.  When I get this way I don’t always know how to handle it.  Do I let my anger eat up my insides?  Do I send a nastygram text back to him? Do I make everyone else’s day miserable and lash out?  Do I go punch something?  Cry?  Let myself get dragged down in an ugly spiral, remembering all the other times the men in my life have let me down?  Oh boy, we’re teetering on a slippery slope with that last sentence I know.  I’ll try to reel it back a little in here.

I got home feeling like a deflated balloon.  Yeah, I cried a little through my dinner.  I even tried watching Rock of Ages as it had just come out in movies on demand on TV.  And I couldn’t get into it, despite a kickass soundtrack that hits right smack in my generation…those of us who literally came of age in the 1980s.  Side note:  know what bothered me about this movie?  It’s a MUSICAL!  And – surprise – as much as I love all kinds of music and singing, I just can’t get into musicals.  The way that people spontaneously burst into song and choreography just bugs me.  Chalk that up to a personality quirk I guess.  Same reason I can’t stand karaoke and don’t watch American Idol or X-Factor.

I woke up angry on Saturday morning.  I tried thumbing through a couple of cookbooks to get inspired to try a new recipe.  I even made a lime vinaigrette on a random whim to get my creative juices warmed up; it’s a part of a crab and avocado salad recipe.  Nothing. I looked outside at the wonderment of early fall.  The season dial clicked HARD these past few days, and any ounce of late summer is long gone.  I went to two grocery stores and aimlessly wandered the aisles, trying to mentally savor everything and find something to inspire me.  I came home with a small bag of organic rainbow quinoa, some olives, a tomato, shallots, a couple heads of garlic and some goat cheese.

Even dinner last night was a bust.  I tried making chicken breasts with a garlic and goat cheese sauce.  Perhaps the actual highlight of my weekend was roasting two heads of garlic in my oven for a couple of hours.  LOVE that aroma!  But the recipe was bland and unfulfilling, even with the roasted garlic.  Even sprinkling on a few capers for some color and kick didn’t work.  Bland and unfulfilling…I think that’s how I’ve been feeling this entire weekend actually.  A little wounded, shut down and not open to savoring things around me. 

So I know myself well enough that this dip in my mood is temporary.  I know the balance between negating it and wallowing in it.  There IS a happy medium.  This time it’s a full weekend. I have a plan on how to deal with this perpetual postponing of my home project and I just need to put it in motion. 

I’m a little scared.  Someone went out on a limb to offer to help me and in turn I’d help him.  After some negotiation I agreed and did my part.  Perhaps I was naive thinking that someone would actually finish what they start, or if they couldn’t they would call that out and suggest another way to help – not just leave me hanging.  Perhaps I should have negotiated more strongly, like a business transaction.  Perhaps I was stupid to think oh, he’s a friend, he’ll make good on it in the timeframe he proposed.  Which has extended out months…which I’ve been gracious and understanding about.

No more.