…Oh the simple and so profoundly wise words from my Dad. Perfect title for today’s post on Father’s Day. When I read those words I feel his love. He’s my cheerleader for sure. His words make me smile with renewed energy and enthusiasm and weep from exhaustion. Dig deep, fivenineteen. You’ve got this. Yeah, I know I do.
I’m heads down 3 weeks into the hardest work I’ve done in my entire career. Looking for work, full-time, as I am unemployed right now. Every day I talk my phone down to near zero battery. Emails fly back and forth. Interviews get set up – both on the phone and in person. The job log spreadsheet fills up line by line, documenting everything. When you’re collecting unemployment this is what you’re supposed to do – keep a job log. For me it also keeps my brain from going to mush and makes me proud to see how much I’ve accomplished.
In fact I’ve been so heads down I haven’t been checking my snail mail very regularly. And OOPS on Wednesday I opened up mail and found a notice I was randomly chosen to attend a mandatory re-employment class for 3 hours at the unemployment office…on Tuesday. As in the day prior. Holy fuck. I was mortified I’d missed the class! Why the hell don’t they notify you in email as well as snail mail? They notify you over email when you open an unemployment claim. UGH. Shows me how much we’ve (I’ve) become dependent on email for real. So I actually drove to the unemployment office with the notice in hand. I even brought my home laptop with me in case they wanted to see my resume and job hunting log. Home printer is on the fritz. I walked up to the counter and very nicely said “I missed a re-employment session…could you help me get rescheduled for another one?” The man behind the desk looked at my notice and said “this was yesterday!” I said yes, I missed the session…could you help me get rescheduled for another one? He scratched his head and said “well, we might be able to get you into the…hmmm….not sure…I’ll be right back.” That sounded hopeful. He disappeared down the hall for a few minutes and I waited, wondering. When he returned he said, “we’ve got a problem.” I said “Oh? What’s that?” “There is no makeup session. You’ll get a questionnaire in your mail which you will need to fill out and return to us ASAP.” Wow. I was stunned. And at that point there would be no point to say anything further to counter what he told me. That I’ve been heads down hard at my job search. That I was more productive on my own in those three hours than I would have been sitting through a class telling me what I already know how to do. I’m no deadbeat slacker here, people. Sheesh. They have those sessions all the time I’m sure. It’s not like that was going to be the last one ever. And I made an effort to come forward to get myself rescheduled and get told no? Nice government bureaucracy.
At least I have my documentation in order. And now I know to check my mail every day…that probably needs a daily pop up reminder in my Outlook calendar! The job market is strong and I’ve received some really great leads out there. And interviews! Ah yes, my time to shine. And learn. Interviewing is a two-way street…they’ve gotta sell me on why their place is such a great place to work I’d be silly not to join them! Seriously.
I’m also today mourning what is likely the end of a friendship with my guy BFF. It makes me so sad to write these words. He deeply wounded me last weekend, going to a very bad place with me where when I speak up for myself and end up getting excluded from a social situation that is beyond the worst level of SUCK. I can’t even string that last sentence together…that’s how awful being excluded like that makes me feel. Just an uber-sensitive, tender place in my soul. Last weekend I was supposed to meet up with him and meet his new girlfriend. The two of them have gotten serious really fast and it was so cool to hear! I am truly, genuinely happy for him. L was in the last phases of moving back to Chicago and was here in town to finish up last-minute stuff with his girlfriend along for the trip. The three of us planned to meet at a bar with live music in Seattle. That Saturday morning I got a text from him asking if I would pick the two of them up at their hotel downtown and then drive them out to the neighborhood where the concert was going to be. He says the bus service isn’t that great that time of night. I was surprised, as I had thought they were staying at the house he had been renting, which wasn’t far from the neighborhood where the bar was. And I thought wow, if they’re already staying downtown, why don’t we just go out somewhere downtown and not kill ourselves going to an extremely jam-packed neighborhood with horrible parking? So I suggested that over text and he said OK. Gave me the time and the hotel room number. Terrific!
I hopped in the shower and when I had finished drying my hair I got another text saying he was feeling sick and was probably going to just stay in for the night. What a bummer! For a split second I didn’t believe him. He’s known to change things on a whim sometimes but well, if you’re sick you’re sick. I decided to take it at face value. I called and got his voicemail and told him I was sorry he wasn’t feeling well and that I hoped he got better soon, especially as they were flying back to Chicago the next morning. I was bummed I wouldn’t get to see the two of them after all.
A few hours later I got another text asking if I would pack up some remaining books and things that were still at the house he had been renting and ship them to him. “Since you have a lot of time on your hands these days…” is how he framed up that request. WOW. He obviously has NO idea how hard I’m working to find work. Keep in mind his former house is about a 45 minute drive from mine. I went from feeling bummed to feeling irritated.
Then the final straw…he texted later in the evening and said “well, we ended up going to the concert anyway…wow my ears hurt.” WTF??? I was SO FURIOUS by now I could not see straight. Why didn’t he tell me they were going to go anyway? He said he assumed I wasn’t into going to the concert and he didn’t want his girlfriend going by herself. HUH?? Why didn’t he tell me his girlfriend was so adamant about wanting to go? If it was that important to her of course I would have gone. [It’s not like it was a big name concert or anything…it was a freakin’ 90s cover band. Whoop dee doo.] Why didn’t he understand that seeing the two of them trumped everything else? Why did he shut me out? Keep in mind I had already had a date lined up that night and I told that guy that L and his girlfriend were in town so could I take a rain check. He said of course. Now I feel doubly screwed over. I turned down date plans and now my plans first get sick and then go out anyway without even telling me. That is NOT COOL. And I told L just that. All I did was suggest doing something else – he does that to me all the time! Why is it not OK when I do the same? I told him if I had known that his girlfriend was really wanting to go to that one venue then of course I would have gone.
Through all of this I have not received one single apology. Rather, I got a rant on Facebook messaging that I’m taking this way too seriously. Then I got unfriended. Wow. No acknowledgement of my point of view at all. And by the way, when I told my date what happened and apologized to him for getting caught in the tangle, he pointed out that his girlfriend doesn’t sound very considerate if she is insisting on going out even when he’s sick. Well, I don’t know her at all but that was an interesting observation.
I’m realizing I’ve been dealing with an emotionally immature man, and it’s probably best I don’t interact with him. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again or not…maybe in time wounds will heal. For now, I give myself space.
And now I embrace the upcoming week ahead…and the job lead follow ups I need to do. Oh that Tom Petty was so right…”the waiting is the hardest part.”