Tag Archives: relationships

How Things Change!

01 Sunday Jun 2014

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So much has changed in the last couple weeks since my last post.  Head spinning.  Mind blowing.

Everything changes.  Two words right there pretty much sum up life, right?  Gotta ride things out…embrace it even.  Sometimes you want to jump for joy…sometimes shout FUCK at the top of your lungs.  There, that feels better.

3 days after my 47th birthday I got canned from my job.  Yep, with no warning.  That’s how this company rolls.  Wouldn’t even let me back in the building to pee.  My agency rep had to pack up my desk for me and bring me all of my stuff in a box while I waited outside.  14 months of wonderful work, reduced to a heap of desk knickknacks, a jam-packed Filofax and a laptop soon to be wiped clean.

I drove about a quarter mile in a daze and pulled into a random office parking lot.  And I made a ton of phone calls.  Just feeling numb.  Not knowing why things happened and not really caring.  It’s nothing personal, right?  They say it’s budget cuts but I wonder.   Thankfully I have a few years of this type of work under my belt to know this is NOT typically how consultants wrap up their engagements.  Meaning, most clients will give you a couple of weeks or even a month’s notice that things will be winding down.  That’s the healthy, courteous, normal way to operate.  Yes, italics used intentionally.

This same thing happened to me at this very same company back in 2007.  Yep, it took me all these years to even reconsider going back there.  Things seemed different this most recent time around.  I truly enjoyed my work and I loved my colleagues.  Great personalities and senses of humor.  I received great feedback on my work throughout and will always remember that.  Canning me and treating me like an animal in the process, or so they try?  Nope, it doesn’t shape me and it doesn’t break me.  I know who I am!

So…that means we’re back to the job of finding a job!  Thankfully this is something I’m pretty good at.  I’ve met lots of people who tell me “wow, fivenineteen, I’ve been at the same job for 15 years…I wouldn’t know the first thing about updating my resume or networking like you do.” Well, I didn’t think “wow, when I grow up I want to do short-term consulting engagements!” But that’s how my career path has advanced over the past eight years and it’s truly transformed me into a much more savvy, confident person.

And thankfully it’s not 2009 and 2010 anymore.  The very bottom of the recession, at least from my viewpoint.  In fact, being out of work was what inspired this blog…way back in 2009!  Check the really old dusty archives in here to see the rocks rolling out of my head come to life in my first few posts.

Meanwhile, we’re in the last month – home stretch – of the Lean Eating for Women program I joined last July.  And getting oh so close to FORTY POUNDS (18.1 kg) of weight loss, people!  WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  Dancing around in the 36-37 lb range this week.  I love seeing the looks on people’s faces when they haven’t seen me in a while!  Even people like my hair colorist and stylist who I see maybe every other month or so.  They are truly stunned at how much I’ve changed!  And I feel GREAT!

So, I documented my weight loss with a 3 hour photoshoot yesterday.  A gloriously sunny day with hardly any wind…so not typical for this time of year in the Seattle area!  The photoshoot is actually part of the Lean Eating process…they recommend booking a professional but it’s not necessary at all.  Yeah, it felt a little (OK a LOT) self-indulgent splurging on a photoshoot being out of work but you know what?  Sometimes self-investment is exactly what we need.  And I have no regrets for sure!

I was really nervous but G did a great job making me feel relaxed and comfortable.  And she showed me a few of the shots from her camera as we went along, so I had an idea how they were turning out.  Not bad!!  Got my hair colored and cut that morning as well, so I felt cleaned up and pretty.  Picked a few outfits that really felt like “me” – jeans, a nice top and really great jewelry.  And we did some shots in workout gear…in one I’m posing with a 35 lb weight plate to symbolize my weight loss.  Holy crap, picking that thing up and carrying it around…it was HEAVY.  And how eerily scary to think that was what I used to carry around me on my body.  Every day.  No more.

What else is new around here?  Oh…the men.  Geez, the men…how tangled the webs we weave or whatever that saying is. There’s been someone sort of in my life since about February or so.  Don’t really want to go into more than that in here.  Had a couple dates with someone else recently, but while it was fun there just wasn’t any spark or glimmer that there might be a spark.  And J, the guy I dated most of last year has suddenly resurfaced, by sending me messages on Facebook and saying he misses me.  What the hell?  He says when he told his best friend that he broke up with me his friend punched him.

I said you know what, I’ve always liked that friend of yours.  Give him a high five from me.

The Next Trapeze Bar

03 Sunday Mar 2013

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And I’m off…flying…with no idea which bar I’ll grab next!  Wow, this is a kooky, exhilarating feeling. 

My work assignment wrapped up on 2/28.  And what an incredible sendoff from my co-workers.  A nice card, cupcakes to share and a very generous gift certificate to Bellevue Square.  I was moved beyond words and got a little choked up reading the card.  Definitely not a typical way to finish up a consultant’s assignment [I’m not an employee of the company where I was working]!  But these past 19 months have been anything BUT typical.  And, at risk of sounding like a broken record, they’ll be a hard act to follow.  Sometimes you strike it lucky and land with a team where everyone resonates…the ensemble sings in harmony.  The chemistry works – the right mix of personality types is there.  People respect each other’s differences, as much as we can drive each other crazy sometimes.  The unexpected bursts of laughter ringing through the common office wall I shared with our Senior Director.  Whenever I felt burdened or stressed at my desk and would hear that infectious laugh I couldn’t help but smile. 

Now I’m in that giddy and sometimes scary limbo-land.  Whatever I land next is going to be completely different – a paradigm shift of culture, energy, expectations and work style.  And this is typical when you do short-term consulting engagements as I have for the past nearly 7 (!) years – mostly.  There are huge shifts to make to zoom into a new environment.  And it requires a strong mix of enthusiasm and self-confidence that comes with experience, and an open mind like a sponge.  The ability to listen and make connections quickly.  To introduce yourself to people on your own if whomever is bringing you onboard doesn’t have the time to do it.

Right now I’m very pleased with the volume of leads out there and the amount of networking and interviewing I’ve squeezed in since January.  And while I don’t like to get into specifics here as many of you know, I feel good that something new is going to materialize soon.  I just don’t know what it is!  But I have faith that whatever it is, it’s the right next thing for me.

And as the calendar flips to Monday tomorrow, I’ll be on pins and needles waiting for a phone call with feedback on my frontrunner job opening…on whether it’s a go or not.  It’s so tempting to just stop and catch my breath and wait, but I know myself too well.  Sitting around waiting for an uber-anticipated email or phone call just makes time grind to a halt!

What to do?  I remember the advice I’ve given to others in this same position – STAY BUSY!  Keep networking!  If you’re in between jobs, keep busy by getting in the gym to blow off stress, get outside for some fresh air, get out of the house and meet colleagues/contacts for lunch and continue to interview elsewhere! 

Nothing is a done deal until it’s a done deal!

Come Meet My Soul – the Journey, part 3

02 Sunday Dec 2012

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This is the 3rd of a 4-part series of posts to explore more about the 4 qualities that really are truly, uniquely me.  Last week’s post was all about PASSION…the fuel, fire, enthusiasm and zest for life and whatever I happen to be doing at the moment…or thinking about doing!

Now we’re at KINDNESS.  And I thought, well, why not check the dictionary – I think I know what it means, but what does it mean?  The word ‘kind’ means “of a sympathetic or helpful nature.”  And kindness is “the quality or state of being kind.” 

I remember when this word ‘popped’ for me in this part of our workshop exercise.  I had a mini freak-out moment.  Well, not really, but my stomach flipped a little.  But then I took a deep breath…and I knew it popped for a reason.  Yes, this is truly one of my 4 noble qualities.  This IS one of 4 things that fuels me and that I have boundless, endless amounts of – to share with the whole world and to make the world a better place.

I think I had that freak-out moment because it triggered some insecurities inside me.  Some see kindness as a weakness.  And I didn’t want to be thought of as weak.  I don’t ever want to be.  I actually had flashbacks of my childhood.  I got teased a lot for being so nice.  Genuinely nice!  Man, kids are so cruel to one another sometimes, don’t you think? 

Kindness is anything but weak.  I try to practice kindness with a good dose of healthy boundaries.  Sometimes the kind thing to do is to walk away from a bad situation and not engage further in the ‘poison.’  Or to not say anything at all – avoiding cattiness and gossip. But I’m not always happy, nice, cheerful and kind all the time.  Read other posts in here and you’ll know this.  I’m human and not a robot.  I have a bad temper, but I’ve learned to harness it and breathe through it – most of the time.  I’ve gone through low points of despair and depression – feeling broken and hopeless.  Lonely.  Misunderstood.  Angry.  But I do always come back to center.

However, I do go into new situations brimming with kindness and positivity (these two words are pretty much inseparable in my world).  This project IS going to be successful.  I WILL like that person I’m going to be introduced to and they’ll like me too.  I WILL enjoy and savor that new recipe…or that new restaurant I’m going to try.  That magazine I’m going to read.  That new exercise routine.  Know that glass half empty vs half full saying?  Well, for me the glass overflows with happiness.  I can’t remember exactly where I read or heard this, but there was some lady explaining how when she first meets people, her default is she DOESN’T like them.  That person has to ‘prove’ themselves through their personality and their behavior that she is ‘worthy’ of liking them.  All I can say to that is BARF.  UGH.  PUKE.  That’s soooo anathema to how I’m wired.  So maybe that example, explaining the opposite of how I’m wired, will make it more clear how I AM. 

So…what if that person I’m introduced to ends up being a total jerk – mean, angry, bigoted, ignorant?  It depends.  If it’s someone I’m talking to at a party and I’m not finding any common ground for us to connect with (the weather is always a last gasp attempt at conversation), well, the kind thing to do is to listen to learn.  Find out what makes this person tick!  Our default is to immediately decide whether we agree or disagree with what the other person is saying.  It takes practice to challenge that and to actually listen.  [Lord knows this came out on turbo overload during the elections!]  Or, the kind thing to do might be to excuse myself to the ladies room, powder my nose, and strike up conversation with someone else!

If it’s someone I’m working with, that’s a whole other challenge.  One of my strengths is developing great rapport and relationships with my co-workers.  I do mostly short-term consulting engagements which typically last a year or less.  So I’m constantly wrapping up something, finding another work assignment, and pretty much starting all over, working with completely different people, a completely different project and a completely different work environment paradigm if you will.  But this is a well-developed muscle within me – tootin’ my horn just a little here.  If I’m not hitting it off well with someone on a new team, I put it in perspective.  How much will I be working with this person?  How are they perceived by others on the team…is he/she in a leadership role, or one that wields a lot of influence otherwise?  Is he/she respected by others?  How long am I even going to be on this work assignment to want to invest my valuable energy ‘winning this person over’?  If it’s relatively short, I’m not going to sweat it.

Eeeking out any form of common ground with someone I don’t naturally resonate with can be very challenging.  But again, I try to listen to learn.  And I remember that, especially with men, that their opinions are everything to them.  If a man unloads his opinions on me and I vehemently disagree with every single one, well, I breathe and remember that he’s sharing them with me because he trusts me.  I’ve made it a ‘safe place’ for him to communicate.  That’s me being kind.

Not sure if this is making any sense.  That’s OK – this is my outlet for random streams of consciousness.  I love the freedom in here…and I hope you’re enjoying this journey as much as I am!

Next post:  PEACE

Yoga’d…and Blessed

16 Sunday Sep 2012

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OK, first of all, fivenineteen is officially THREE!  Three years old!!  The (my?) official birthday was Saturday September 15.  9/15.  WOW…I never realized how that’s an exact mirror image of 5/19.  Where is that Twilight Zone music?  Honestly, that’s just a beautiful accident (or was it?). Absolutely was not intended….but I love it and I laugh how I just noticed that this year.  Thank you to my followers – old and new – and to everyone out there who stumbled in here by accident!  Welcome to my big ol’ ball of random!

This weekend reminded me how blessed I am to have incredible women in my life.  Great friends – old and new – and my Mom. 

Yesterday was all about getting the girls together and playing in jewelry!  Many of you know that I am a Silpada Designs representative, representing an incredible line of .925 sterling silver jewelry, handcrafted with semi-precious stones.  I’ve been a fan of the jewelry for around 6-7 years – I’d purchased pieces at home shopping parties or for fundraisers – and never thought I’d give direct selling on my own a try…but I started doing this nearly two years ago and I love it!  It’s easy to share what you love when you love what you represent!  I love sharing how .925 sterling (92.5% silver + 7.5% copper & zinc for strength – pure silver is too soft on its own for jewelry) is the highest grade of sterling silver there is.  It’s the same grade that Tiffany’s uses in their jewelry, and believe me Silpada’s price points are nowhere near Tiffany’s!

I tried something totally different and fun, for I had my jewelry on display at a restaurant inside a hotel where my team meets monthly…a combination of current pieces plus a lot of retired pieces marked down, gift boxed and priced to move!  In the process I had a lot of people stop by while I was setting up – even the executive chef stopped by to introduce himself and snap a pic of a necklace to see if his wife wanted one for herself!  It just ‘feels’ good in there – the restaurant staff is so gracious and accommodating…believe me when you get 20 of us jewelry reps together at a big table for meetings and throw in wine and munchies we can get a little rowdy!  Those meetings are a fun way to blow off steam from the workday, or for those who are stay at home Moms to get out of the house for a few hours for some adult time with girlfriends!

It was fun seeing friends of mine meet one another for the first time, plus having everyone meet my Mom!  Heck, even my Mom – who has the most exquisite taste in fine gold jewelry – is starting to take a shine (no pun intended) to sterling silver! Plus the mixed metal look (combining gold and silver) is super hot right now and I think it’s a trend that will continue far into the future.

So we had fun playing with jewelry, and it was both fun and nice to have a lot of my retired, discounted pieces find new homes.  I never thought I’d have “too much jewelry,” but after doing this for a couple of years my jewelry box has really grown, enough to where it was time to scale back and streamline.

And this morning…drum roll…Yours Truly got her butt out of bed early!  Meaning, an 8am meetup!  For carpooling to yoga!  Now, I’ve probably posted way too much in here about how I’m not a morning person, especially on the weekends.  While I feel I’m wasting the day when I sleep in until 10:30 or so on a Saturday or Sunday, I listen to my body’s rhythms.  It needs it and I’m not going to fight it off.

When I knew I was going to take a sabbatical from hockey (starting this fall season – and wow, looks like the NHL is doing the same with the lockout – ugh) I entertained ideas of what I’d do with this new, freed up spare time (and money).  Try yoga again – or try working out with a trainer? Revisit trying to learn Norwegian again for a someday-someday trip to the arctic?  So far the personal training is underway – 5 sessions done so far with B’s weekly ass kickings and I’m slowly rediscovering muscles that were long dormant.  My hamstrings and triceps are still on fire from last Thursday’s workout!

So to add fuel to that fire, I joined my dear friend D and her friend K for what I like to call “drop in yoga.”  [kinda like drop in / pickup hockey, ha ha.]   D recently moved to Austin, TX for a wonderful job opportunity, and her amazing energy just seems to swoop in whenever it’s needed.  Here she was in town for a few days, with a spontaneous invitation for me to join her and K for a free, open house yoga session at Lila.  D is probably one of the few (well, more than a few) who can motivate me to wake up, meet at a Starbucks and whisk me away in the morning for something beautiful, new and fun.  That and the 5Ks that P inspired me to start doing a few years ago with her.  Yep, those two take the prize.

So before I could walk into the Starbucks at Carillon Point to grab a double-tall nonfat latte, D and K arrived to scoop me up and take me to yoga!  Which I have not done in nearly 9 years!  In fact, I tried yoga for the first time the same weekend I started learning to play hockey.  What an intense Saturday-Sunday that was, pushing myself physically in two different ways I’d never tried before.  In fact, I had a third opportunity that fall in 2003 to join a friend for belly dancing lessons but my dance card was full.  I like to joke with people that I had a choice between belly dancing and hockey, and hockey won out.

So here we were at Lila (LEE la), which means Divine Play (I learned that from their website).  I was so grateful that K had an extra yoga mat for me to borrow – mine is buried deep somewhere in my garage.  I was impressed with the studio layout, how friendly everyone was, the beautiful light streaming through the studio – I love the beautiful Madison Park neighborhood in Seattle – and how the instructor took the time to greet each of us newcomers with a handshake, smile and personal welcome before we got started.

Oh man, what a wake up call!  The yoga memories of that introductory course nearly nine years ago came flooding back to me.  How inflexible I am…or where I actually am somewhat.  The poses – so hard to hold after a few cycles of repetition…if you have not tried yoga it is not just sitting and meditating – you work up a sweat!  But at the same time re-centering with your inner calm and confidence.  Inner glow.  And I remember the wise words of my instructor from 9 years ago when I would get frustrated at my lack of flexibility or difficulty holding a pose.  “Just give it 10 years,” she said in a soothing voice.  Aha!  That’s when I learned that yoga really and truly is NOT a quick fix.  Rather, it’s a lifelong practice and lifestyle.

It was a wonderful re-centering experience – just what I needed.  D and I headed back to the suburbs afterwards and grabbed a late breakfast at The Brief Encounter Cafe in Bellevue – a perfect place for hearty food, nice service and post-yoga sweats and leggings. 

And then I went home and took a two-hour nap.  I was stunned at how I was back home before noon.  So much of the day ahead…with a much-needed nap to celebrate Sunday.  And I smile, relishing the amazing friendships I have in my life.  Ahhhh, bliss. 

Namaste.

When There’s Nothing to Say at Three

09 Sunday Sep 2012

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Well hmmm…and WOW.  Here I am at the keyboard.  Hi, everyone!  It’s my typical, wonderful Sunday blogging ritual unfolding before me – I SO look forward to this time – and I have nothing. And yet I don’t normally worry about not having something to write about on these Sunday afternoons.  Sometimes I get inspired early in the week and just ‘know’ that’s what I want to write about.  And sometimes I don’t get inspired until late on Saturday, or even when I wake up on Sunday.  Sometimes – rarely – it’s been a big ol’ crickets chirping and I’ll take a mental vacay.  Sometimes I like to blog about my latest cooking adventure – lately it’s been a soup passion a-brewing within.  But last night was a (fabulous) repeat…I made Crema de Cangrejo (crabmeat soup, my own way – unpureed) – I’ve had this wackadoodle seafood craving for the last few days and figured, why fight it?

But I didn’t want to take a mental vacay today, so I’m bravely sitting here just rambling.  This is an important week here in fivenineteen land, for this Blog turns THREE on September 15th!  I can’t believe it!  I distinctly remember the day I sat down and got started.  And I remember reading lots of advice about blogs and how to start them, attract followers, keep people engaged and all that.  Oh, and to always have a theme in mind for your blog.  Theme?  Well, I said fuck that.  Things are eclectic and all over the place in here and most don’t seem to mind (right??).  Ramblings on cooking, makeup, shopping, hockey, fitness or lack thereof, homeowner freakouts (oops, I mean projects), work or lack of work…it’s all here and it’s all me.  I’m closing in on 200 posts which is pretty mind-blowing.  And survived a move earlier this year from Blogspot over here to WordPress land – sooo worth the effort. And bonus – I got rid of the “-” in my url name – hooray!  Have I ever told you all that a few years ago – long before fivenineteen – that I met with an intuitive healer (aka psychic) who told me that I have things to write about that others will want to read.  I honestly had not made that connection between that conversation and being here now.

So I guess things are in a comfortable groove right now.  There’s still much to do though.  The popcorn ceiling scraping project is moving along at a snail’s pace – L and I have talked about this and he’s promised we’ll finish as much as we can this month.  I have a slew of jewelry I’m getting ready for my first ever retired sample sale next weekend, and I’m having it in a restaurant rather than my house.  I’m so excited for this because it’s something I’ve never tried before – who knows, it could turn into an annual event!  I now have a new garbage disposal – damn I have the best plumber in the world – and so that’s a huge relief off my shoulders (stupid, mysterious leaks no more).  I’m getting back in the gym and working out with a trainer on Thursdays and it’s been amazing.  So many eye-opening discoveries about my shoulders and posture and muscle tone that need work…not to mention everywhere else (hello, core, I’m talkin’ to YOU).  And I need to get my resume updated pronto…as of right now my work contract is scheduled to wrap up in November.  They may be able to find budget to keep me on through January – which would be awesome as that’s our project launch timeframe – but that’s still not confirmed.  And it’s so refreshing to know it’s nothing personal…having transparent conversations with your manager is bliss.  Believe me, it’s not always that way when you do consulting/contracting work, as much as I strive for it.  Healthy is best!

Speaking of not taking things personally, that’s a hard one sometimes.   Especially when it’s a shift in close friendships…meaning, close friendships that have blossomed for years and years that somehow have devolved and have been downgraded to arms length acquaintance or to the type now that you only now “see” on Facebook.  This hurts.  It sucks.  And notice I’m using the word frienshipS.  Plural.  ‘Cause there’s TWO of them that are threatening to fade to black.  And it makes me sad…and angry too.  My knee jerk reaction is what the fuck.  What the hell have I possibly done to piss either of these two ladies off (who don’t know each other, by the way).  Why won’t you return my phone calls, emails or texts saying hey, would be great to see you and catch up, how are you and blahblahblah.  Or even worse…respond to me with very nice things to say but nothing in response to the ‘hey let’s get together part.’

But, sometimes no answer is your answer.  I get it that we’re all busy and whatnot.  Oh wait, make that “CRAZY busy.” Sometimes I think being busy is almost like bragging rights.  Well, look at me here and how busy I am…I’m FAR busier than you, therefore I’m superior. 

And AHA!  HERE’S the article about this that totally sang to me.  Where did I find it?  On Facebook, of course!  “… I recently wrote a friend to ask if he wanted to do something this week, and he answered that he didn’t have a lot of time but if something was going on to let him know and maybe he could ditch work for a few hours. I wanted to clarify that my question had not been a preliminary heads-up to some future invitation; this was the invitation. But his busyness was like some vast churning noise through which he was shouting out at me, and I gave up trying to shout back over it.”

Anyone out there have a friend who drops off the map when he/she gets into a new relationship?  I’ve been guilty of that too.  One of these ladies has been in a relationship that apparently is pretty serious (from what I see of all their Facebook pictures…see where I’m going with this?).  Or ever have a friend who will now only do things as couples, hence us single folks get left off the invite?  Hell, I’ve been a 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel at many parties and it’s no problem for me.  I guess it is for others.

So, I’m sad…it almost feels like two mini ‘deaths’ of sorts and even more painful because they’re both happening at the same time.  And perhaps I’m a little jealous too, but no, probably not as I’m not a jealous type.  I have to just keep looking and moving forward and, if both of these friendships DO fade away, that opens my soul up for whatever/whoever is supposed to come into my life next.

It just sucks in the meantime.  And wow, I guess I really DID have something to say today after all.

Shifting

05 Sunday Aug 2012

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Last night I had a really cool flash of inspiration – a catchy title for today’s post.  Now of course I have zero idea what it was so it’ll be “shifting” for now unless something more awesome pops into my head.

It feels like AGES since my last post…but nope, sure enough it’s been a week just like my usual routine.  Which I adore, by the way…fivenineteen’s been such a great outlet and solace for me – and hopefully some entertaining reading for those of you who stumble in here by accident or follow along (thank you and thank you, by the way!!).  I love the slower pace of Sunday…time to mentally recharge, refresh, dream and wonder.

And for the past near week my gut has been both whispering and shouting at me that it’s time to make some changes (no, it’s not the voices in my head).  Starting with hockey.  The game that has changed my life these past nine years – my God, 1/5 of my life!  I’m going to take a sabbatical after our summer season playoffs wrap up – which could be as soon as tonight if we don’t win our game.  I have so many memories of all these years of hockey I could ramble on forever about it (and I have occasionally in here I’m sure). 

Know that feeling when you KNOW what you need to do and then talk about it…and you can’t help but be so happy and excited because it’s the right decision and you sound so goddamn authentic?  I had a great chat at the rink with my team Captain last Monday…and it felt so wonderful to tell him!  I have a ton of respect for him too – he’s fairly young (24) but far beyond his years in leadership and organization.  Hockey is a big time commitment and big financial committment too – believe me, I would never spend as much time or money as I have on hockey if it was not worthwhile to me. 

9 years.  NINE – OK, well almost nine, as it was some time in September or October 2003 that I suited up in brand new hockey gear and took to the ice, joining an adult beginner hockey clinic on a total random whim!  I had absolutely NO idea how much fun I would have, the amazing people I’d meet along the way, and all the crazy experiences of late nights and weird hours (11pm faceoffs on Sunday nights…in the dead of winter?  That soon became ‘normal’ for me.)  The charity games, benefitting our local Ronald McDonald House.  The off the chain tourneys in Vegas…fantastic!  And I had no idea I’d still be doing this all these years!

Along with so many fabulous memories, what hockey has provided for me is the incredible benefit of Sunday night exercise.  I used to stress out on Sunday nights, restless and squirmy on my couch watching TV, or sometimes having dinner at my folks’ house.  I’d stress out about stuff coming up at work mostly.  Skating my ass off Sunday nights broke that spell – so freeing and joyous!  When I’m on the ice nothing else matters.  And getting great exercise with great people, along with the bright lights and cold air at the rink…just an amazing experience.

Now I’m going to continue this glorious tradition of Sunday night exercise…back at my gym!  Which I have not set foot in in…probably a year and a half.  Ridiculous, right?  It’s like flushing money down the toilet every month.  And I’m going to take the money I normally budget for hockey league fees and get back to working out with a personal trainer.  I contacted B, and we’re going to meet later this week to talk about my goals and put together a plan!  I’m so excited!  B trained me for a few months 3 years ago, and I had to pull the plug when my work contract ended. 

That all seems like a long time ago…I was out of work but still in the gym every other day, training for my very first 5K.  And just trying to keep mentally sane through the unemployment.  I was so grateful for hockey during those months too, as I always knew when it was Sunday (because that was usually our game night).  Unemployment was awful in so many ways…and not knowing what day it was when I woke up was bizarre.

So now I will focus on improving my physical fitness.  Nine years ago I was, well, nine years younger and probably 30 pounds slimmer.  I was also skating 3 or 4 times a week, dropping in on various practices and scrimmages.  How the hell did I have the time and energy for that?  Nowadays, skating once a week is about all I can manage, and that’s definitely not enough to maintain fitness or improve my game.  Life is different for me now – I’m busier in different ways, I’m probably not as energetic and it’s harder for me to get home from work and springboard back out the door to a weeknight practice or scrimmage.

Working out at the gym with B will help me tackle the groan of middle age weight gain and improve my muscle tone.  My core is not anywhere near as strong as it used to be – my back hurts if I’m on the ice too long during a shift.  My abs and upper body need work, and I’d sure love to find more of my waistline again!  The plan is to work out with him twice a week, and then work out on my own on those all so important Sunday nights.  Maybe it’s time to get back in the pool or try yoga?

Yes, I guess my life really HAS changed a lot in nine years!  Seven different jobs (I do contracting/consulting work), new friendships, a few romantic relationships, a few 5Ks, the launch of this blog in 2009 and a totally new stretch starting my Silpada jewelry business.  I’m definitely not a slacker!

And yesterday I took a look at the clutter here in the home office.  This room pretty much looks like it’s barfed, as everything from the 3rd bedroom is moved in here while L and I finish up the popcorn ceiling scraping work.  Ugh.  Books piled up everywhere.  It suddenly dawned on me that a lot of these books have been just sitting in my bookcase (and now on the floor) UNREAD!  I haven’t opened a lot of them in 15 or more years…and probably never will!  So I jumped out of my chair and grabbed a few grocery bags.  Voila…35 books off to Goodwill – hurray!!  It’s still cluttered in here, sadly, but at least I made a small dent in it.

Tonight I will head to the rink with a smile…it’s our first playoff game and given it’s single-elimination playoffs, it might be my last time on the ice for a while if we lose.  Whatever happens is what was meant to happen…and either way I’m so excited about the rest of summer and fall and my plans…new adventures await!

At Long Last…We Meet! And other Weekend Highlights.

15 Sunday Jul 2012

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I was reminded threefold – yes THREEFOLD – this weekend about how much I adore time with old and new friends enjoying great food, drink and conversation together!  It just doesn’t get any better than THAT!  Anytime year ’round is wonderful, but there’s something about the laid back summer vibe that makes it even more special. Even without a lot of summer vacation (at least for me; as a consultant I’m paid for hours worked so paid vacations are non-existent), this was just the triple dose I needed to make it FEEL like a vacation, AND to catapult me into this (short) workweek and my upcoming trip to Kansas City, MO later this week.  That trip still seems like a dream to me as it’s been in the planning for several months.  Now it’s just a few “sleeps” away!

It kicked off Friday night with my dear friend T.  We toasted the end of the workweek and a rather tough summer so far on her part (her Grandmother’s passing and all involved with arrangements before and after and travel back and forth and all that) at Wildfin, a casual spot we’ve enjoyed in the past for lunch. Friday night was sunny so that meant sitting outside…ahhh…dinner al fresco!

Saturday was a fantastic BBQ at P’s house.  P is a former co-worker I worked with – loosely at the same company – 4-5 years ago, for barely one year (my entire business unit got dissolved, long story, so I went as quickly as I arrived pretty much).  She’s one of those rare, treasured former co-workers who has become a great friend, for far longer than any time we even worked together at the same company!  I credit her for igniting my passion for running (which is sadly dormant right now but will re-awaken), photography and travel!  She’s off to Ecuador and the Galapagos in just a few weeks with another mutual friend of ours!  Her menu was delicious halibut steaks fresh from Alaska, sautéed sliced potatoes, fresh salsas for dipping chips and veggies, an incredible ceviche mirrored after one she enjoyed on one of her recent trips to Belize, and some hard-core Sangria provided by a few of her other guests who are quite the connoisseurs – love it! And numerous other yummy munchies and drinks.  Oh, and did I mention the desserts?  After a slice of tiramisu and some raspberry frozen yogurt I was beyond full.  YUM.

It was one of those afternoons you just never wanted to end.  Laughing, eating, drinking, watching the dogs run around and play in the yard…and wondering what the weather is going to do next (this is Seattle-area summer, after all).  Thankfully the weather was terrific.  And P’s house is just perfect for entertaining.

I barely slept that night, despite a full belly of great food and some butt-kicking Sangria that required me to pop a Motrin before going to bed, ha ha.

Today (Sunday) I drove down to Lacey, WA, just a short hour or so from my house.  I met up with a friend I’ve been chatting with online for years but have never met in person.  And oh man, this is a long story so buckle up.

A little over 6 years ago I was bored at work and did a random online search about a handbag I was considering purchasing.  What popped up was a myriad of results…a little overwhelming.  And then, one of them caught my eye – it was a link to an online discussion forum..about purses and handbags!

I clicked on that link and my life has not been the same since. Since May 2006.  Seriously.  What I’d clicked on, unbeknownst to me at the time, was how this online discussion forum was designed. I’d never seen one before in my life. And…it was all about – mostly – handbag shopping!  What people liked and didn’t like!  Sorted by handbag designer!  With pictures!  I was immediately hooked and became obsessed.

What’s also spun out of this online forum are other subforums devoted to just about any other lifestyle issue:  tv shows, movies, makeup, other shopping, relationship issues, family issues, celebrity style, raising kids, jewelry…and on and on.  And behold…a HOCKEY subforum too!

That’s right…there’s a subforum on that site that’s devoted to hockey chitchat…what a delicious slice of the universe this is!  Well, at least for me – and a few other thousand women – it is.  Where else can I browse for pictures of fabulous handbags, shoes and sunglass, read about the latest makeup trends and immediately shift over into chitchat about the NHL draft, for example?  Or the playoffs? 

For some reason last year, the hockey subforum chat group got a little snarky.  I don’t remember all the details, but some wackaloon came in during the playoffs and pretty much shit on everything we’d all been discussing for ages.  OK, I realize there are fair weather fans out there, but puhleeze.  There is an etiquette out there for online chit chatting, for real, which said person clearly had no clue about.  And there were 82 games in the regular NHL season prior to the Stanley Cup playoffs, hello???  So don’t come in a-poo pooing in on things.  Just saying.

Anyway, after one too many shittings-upon, one of the women in the group posted a rant (maybe on Facebook, can’t remember), saying something like “haters are hatin’ on my Happy Hockey Island.”

What a stroke of genius!  Within a day or so we had a spin-off online chat forum with invitation-only access set up just for the 10 or so of us who were frequent posters in that hockey subforum. Something completely separate and different. Thankfully we had a resident expert/guru who knew how to do this!

And…the rest is history.  NOW we have our own little separate subforum of goodness!  I still post and chat occasionally on the original forum, but the core of my online viewing and posting has now shifted to this happy hockey island.  I love these girls so much I can’t even stand it.  They’ve been with me through hell and back and me for them as well.

And after all these many years, I finally got to meet one of the women from this spinoff group this afternoon!  What a thrill it is to meet someone online and just see how much the same they are in real life as compared to their online ‘presence’ and ‘voice.’  I LOVE that.  After years of online chatting and posting and whatnot…to be greeted with a huge HUG in real life is priceless!

We had an amazing lunch at the Budd Bay Cafe in Olympia, WA.  Wonderful clam chowder and salads, plus a nice boardwalk area overlooking the port, the farmer’s market and the state capitol just a few blocks away.  As a lifelong Washington State resident this was even more special for me, as I’d not spent much time in Olympia or Lacey.

After lunch we walked long the boardwalk – Percival Landing, all endlessly fascinating to me as a tourist in my somewhat-local region!  Typically the Olympia/Lacey area is what I blast through on the freeway on my way out to the Washington State Coast.  This was a rare, delicious opportunity to experience it close up, with my dear online friend and her husband.

I’m so touched and happy at how wonderful that meetup was.  And yet not surprised either. K was exactly in real life as she is online, and meeting her husband and Mom was just a fantastic bonus.  I smile and know this is not the last time we will all meet up again.

Behold, the power of the internet!

Don’t Make Assumptions

18 Sunday Dec 2011

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OK, last week’s mental vacay was exactly what I needed.  Time to re-focus on this mini 4-week blogging project…where are we now?  Oh yeah, Week #3.  Andddd, only a couple weeks behind given Tangent Time and my vacay.  This is part of what I love about blogging – no worries on things being behind because it’s just my words and the small handful of you who even read this or stumble in here accidentally.  Welcome…and welcome back, by the way!

So, cyber throat clearing, we’re on the 3rd of the Four Agreements book by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Don’t Make Assumptions.  Ruiz opens this chapter with a great summary:  “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

So simple, and yet so profound.  That’s what I’ve really enjoyed about this book…it’s easy to read but mind blowing too.  Definitely one to keep on the nightstand, for I always discover new gems when I read chapters I’ve already read before.

All the sadness and drama in our lives stems from us making assumptions and taking things personally.  (Don’t take things personally is the Second Agreement, by the way.  That was a great one to ramble on about a few weeks back in here.)  See how these Agreements tend to build one upon the other?  Pretty cool. 

The poison that is called gossip – this is how we communicate in the dream of Hell, as Ruiz explains.  Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and we believe we are right about our assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. 

How often have we all made an assumption about something or someone, only to have been totally wrong later?  Our bubble bursts and we get mad, sad and the drama starts.  But let’s back up a minute…why do we even make assumptions in the first place?

Ruiz explains:  “It is very interesting how the human mind works.  We have the need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe.  We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain.  It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself will make us feel safe.” 

So if someone doesn’t tell us something (and we don’t ask) we make assumptions and believe our own assumptions.  We also make assumptions about things we hear but don’t understand.  What a big, ticking time bomb this can be in relationships!!  Damn, haven’t we all been guilty of assuming our partner knows want we want, whatever it is?  “You should have known.”  Lovely way to start an argument.  We blame our partner but in reality we have no one to blame but ourselves.  We didn’t ask!

We don’t always ask partly because we assume that people see the world the same way we do…think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge and even abuse the way we abuse.  Ruiz says this is the biggest assumptions we humans make about one another.

Anyone else out there guilty of getting into a romantic relationship with someone, thinking your love will change them, change the things you don’t like about that person (and even deny there are maybe huge things out there that you don’t like about him/her?).  Raises hand…yep I sure have.  The truth is my love will not change anyone.  Neither will your love either, by the way.  Ruiz even quips that “real love is accepting other people the way we are without trying to change them.  If we try to change them, this means we don’t really like them.” I’m not sure I am 100% on board with that last sentence…need more thinking time here I guess.  Sure if there are huge things we don’t like then we have to wonder why we’re even involved in a relationship with that person.  But if it’s something silly like I don’t like the way he squeezes the tube of toothpaste?  Annoying maybe, but not a deal breaker.  Honey, can’t you squeeze the tube from the bottom, not the middle?  You won’t?  OK, I’m outta here.  Ridiculous, right?  I’m pretty sure that’s not what Ruiz meant…it’s just my mind conjuring up a funny scenario like that.  

Ask questions!  This is Ruiz’s wise advice to us all. Once we hear the answer we will not have to make assumptions because we will know the truth. 

But we need the courage to ask for what we want.  Sure, it one’s right to tell us yes or no, but that’s also true for what others ask of us.  The Right to Ask is everyone’s Right.  I’ve chickened out of asking sometimes throughout my life, I admit, and a lot of times when I’m dating someone.  Why?  Was I afraid of what the answer might be (as in NO)?  Was I afraid of being rejected, and even at risk of ‘losing’ that person out of my life?  Didn’t want to rock the boat?  Wasn’t sure how to articulate what I wanted and didn’t want to risk being seen as stupid, needy, high maintenace, whatever?  Yep, probably.  Aha, I assumed how the person would react and therefore did nothing and probably got resentful later.  BINGO. 

So once again, Ruiz nails it with another great chapter in his book.  I’m going to continue working on this – it’s a lifelong process for sure – and find the inner courage to ask, ask, ask!      

Tangent Time!

04 Sunday Dec 2011

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I admit it, I got distracted and didn’t have my “homework” ready for today.  Yeah, I could have crammed and tried to read and ponder the 3rd chapter of The Four Agreements, but you know what?  It’s not worth it.  This is deep stuff that needs to be read with passion and concentration, not some lame attempt at speed reading just to feel “ready” for today’s post.

So what happened?  Well, I had lunch with T, one of my dearest friends.  We met at Wildfin in Issaquah…she’d heard great things about it and I am always up for trying a new place to eat.  I ended up having a small burger and went easy on the fries.  I don’t eat meat everyday but I guess I was craving red meat way deep down.  After a few nights in a row of yummy pasta tossed with a little pesto it was time.

T has been attending these seminars about…understanding men.  Really?? And she just raves about them – she says it’s totally changed her outlook and viewpoint on dating and relationships, and has strengthened even her friendships with women too.  Sounds pretty profound, eh?  Wow, what’s going on here?  How can you learn stuff like this in a class?  Led by mostly women?  

She smiled and pulled a small paperback book out of her fabulous Hermes Bolide handbag.  Called Making Sense of Men, by Alison Armstrong.  She couldn’t wait to loan it to me!  Now, I admit, I’m a “black hole” book borrower (that’s a self-coined term by the way).  It’s not intentional, but I am not a voracious book reader, and books loaned to me, well, tend to get absorbed into a bookcase here forever and ever, never to be returned again and possibly not ever read at all. I promised T I’d do my very best to not do that in this case.  And she’s pretty tenacious, so I’m sure if I don’t return it promptly she’ll have no qualms asking for it back – as she should!

Now.  If you knew you were going to focus on reading the Third of the Four Agreements, but then had to choose between that and a book suddenly plopped in front of you called Making Sense of Men, what would you do? Read them both perhaps?  Well, this is me we’re talking about here, and given I don’t do a lot of book reading, I caved and chose the Men book to focus on.  Can’t blame me…plus it would be less likely to end up on a “black hole” bookshelf here in the townhouse.

I didn’t know how quick a read this was!  I pretty much read it in one evening, and have re-read it a couple of times!  Can this topic be summed up in a 70-page book?  Well, of course not…we’re human and complex creatures.  And yeah, I’ve read John Gray’s Mars & Venus books, the 1990s classic The Rules and a few others about dating and relationships too.  All endlessly fascinating really…and anything I can learn about these creatures called men who I adore and who also sometimes drive me batshit crazy, well then all the better.

It’s fascinating how entirely different we are wired.  Amstrong proclaims that 99% of the confusion and frustration between men and women is because we – mistakenly – assume we are versions of eachother.  “Men are not hairy women,” she goes on to say!  Ha ha ha that made me giggle.

She goes on to break down the two types of attraction men have towards women.  The first – Sexual Attraction.  Obvious, right?  OK, I won’t give away Armstrong’s list of what goes into that – check out the book for yourself.  And what does her list of sexual attractions trigger in men?  They want to have sex.  Period.  Doesn’t mean they want to date us or have a relationship with us or fall in love with us.  Nope.  I even remember some John Gray books talking about the same thing a little differently.  If a man is physically attracted to a woman, it’s just that and nothing else.  This confuses us as women, because our first ‘degree’ of attraction in a man is if he’s mentally stimulating to us (whereas in men the first ‘degree’ is physical).  With mental attraction in a man, maybe it’s his humor or intelligence that stirs us.  By the time we as women are feeling physically attracted we’ve already gone through two other ‘layers’ or ‘degrees’ of attraction if that makes sense.  So ladies, if a man is physically attracted to you, enjoy it and don’t take it too seriously. 

What’s the other type of attraction a man has for a woman (but not ALL women per se)?  Charmed and Enchanted.  Aha!  Who wouldn’t want to be with a man who is compelled to spend time with you, take care of you, protect you, contribute to you…and make you happy?  Without you needing to do anything but just be fabulous YOU?  Damn, sign me up.  Makes me even swoon here a little just sitting in my office chair, relishing those moments men have done those things for me.  Without any need to make any effort and certainly not nag.  THAT’S bliss right there. 

Armstrong goes on to explain in what she calls “Men-glish” (love that) – what men say and what it means in female-speak.  Things they say to us or offer to do for us when they’re Charmed and Enchanted.  Believe me, I’m not affiliated with the author of this book or the publishing company or anything, but if you’re intrigued by my ramblings here, go pick up the book for yourself!  One big key?  We as women need to be receptive to these wonderful things men want to do for us!  Anyone here ever have a man offer you his jacket because it was cold?  And responded by a, “…but won’t you be cold?” in return?  No, no no!!  You are not his mother…accept his generosity and snuggle in his jacket for pete’s sake!  Hell, I never turn down even the grocery store bag boy’s offer to carry my bags to my car.  Just enjoy it and smile with a warm thank you.  Sure it’s his job, but you’ve probably helped make his day too.

And there is serious “juice” required of us to be the best we can be as women.  Things like being self-confident and authentic.  And if a great outfit and killer pair of shoes helps you get there, go for it.  Nope, we can’t be self-confident fueled on emptiness like sugar and caffeine.  Rest, good nutrition, exercise…THAT’S what does it.  Don’t forget passion…whether it’s for our kids, cross-stitching, volunteer work or salsa dancing, as Armstrong explains.  And RECEPTIVITY to men’s offerings…the doozy!  YES!  If that guy asks you out for dinner and you’re even the slightest bit interested, go!  All you have to do is show up, look your hot self and just enjoy a great evening out.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Receive it graciously, ladies.

I could go on and on, but I’m just intrigued with these simple yet profound insights from Armstrong in her book.  Don Miguel Ruiz, I promise your 3rd chapter is my focus this week!  

The Third Agreement:  Don’t Assume Anything.     

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Transition Preparations

12 Sunday Jun 2011

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Last week I wrote about the wave that washed over me, forcing me to sit in my chair here and finish updating my resume.  I’ve learned to not question these super duper strong instincts when they hit – they mean it, dammit!  It meant canceling on my hockey game rather last minute, and I don’t like doing that at ALL, but the wave won out.

Good thing too:  the resume got updated that night.  And distributed.

And just a day or two later, guess what happened? Not one but THREE great job leads appeared from the consulting firm who found my current job.  What a difference a year and a half makes!  The job market is improving, and my phone and email are rumbling even harder back to life.  I’m realizing how much more mentally prepared I will be going into my next job assignment, as it shouldn’t be nearly as long between gigs as last time around…I hope.  Last year I went from mental 0 to 100 literally overnight – an abrupt shock back after feeling like my brain was turning to mush with nothing going on for months and months.  Now, while I feel a bit weary and ready for this current engagement to finish up, I feel more ‘on’.  That’s hard to put into words, but it’s how it came out.

My friend D’s husband also forwarded my resume to a few of his connections, and I’ll be meeting up with a Director at a consulting firm later this week for lunch.  We had a great chat late on Friday afternoon!  I’d prefer to have the firm who I’m currently affiliated with get me reassigned, but I’ve gotta look out for Numero Uno here.  And who knows – new connections made now could sprout even further down the road for me or for another colleague.

In the meantime, I’ve got a job to do through the end of the month, and, well, I’m only human and it would be incredibly easy to flip the mental switch and stop caring.  Sure I take pride in my work and will do whatever it takes for a strong finish.  But for some stuff, frankly, I’ll need to fake it.  Before I knew I would be wrapping up this month, I got assigned some brand new stuff to do – and the milestones were plotted all the way into January.  Why would I get assigned something new if I was going to be cut loose just a few weeks later?  Anyway, the reasons don’t matter, and I’m just chalking it up to even more opportunity to gain more experience in a very short timeframe.  Plus, it’s a small world out there and I might end up back with this team or something similar down the road.  

How you finish is just as important as how you start.  Don’t burn bridges.  Go for the Graceful Exit.

I had lunch with S, a friend I’ve known for years who I met through hockey. She and I really bonded a couple of years ago when I was first getting used to being unemployed.  She has her own business as an aside from her full-time work, and I came with her to several events as a guest to learn more about it.  It was great to get out of the house, meet new people and clean up/dress up on those days I had no interviews when the temptation was to just be a slob and mope.  And I am dumbfounded that all started two years ago.

It was wonderful to reconnect over lunch again – how had it been a year or so since we last met up?

So, I’m just keeping busy and connected while preparing for whatever the next plunge might be.  I’m excited, relieved, nervous, curious…the list goes on.  Notice that ‘angry’ is not in that list of feelings.  ‘Cause I’m not in the slightest.  This gig was designed to be purely consultative, not permanent.  And while I don’t like to call out specific details in here when it comes to jobs and companies, let me just say I’m perfectly happy with that arrangement.  Great experience, but not anywhere to hang my hat right now.

T and I met up for dinner at Palomino last night…she is such an amazing friend.  We’ve each gone through some bumps this year – my very brief relationship, and she and her boyfriend split up a couple of months ago…he had been living with her and so it was a rough ride with all of that and him moving out.  We’re both happy and strong women and always land on our feet, but we also appreciate the friendships and support out there too.  So much to be grateful for.

We split a wonderful bottle of wine (the name escapes me now but trust me, a mighty fine white something), while T chose the Seafood Louie – a beautiful salad – and I the fusilli picatta, a delicious combo of marinated chicken, shallots, capers and a few chili flakes for kick in a white wine sauce.

And when you’re steps away from fabulous shopping at Bellevue Square, of COURSE you gotta hop over there too.  T picked out a gorgeous pair of black Tod’s loafers, and I, knowing I am soon to be on a budget again, merely drooled over shoes.

T and I are brainstorming ideas for a meetup group we’re planning to launch later this summer.  We’re super excited! 

And I think “excited” is the right way to describe things for me right now.  One door is slowly closing, and something new, unknown, magical is going to pop and set me on an entirely new journey this summer and beyond.

Let’s just hope it’s sooner than later!
    

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