Tag Archives: exercise

“Eat Your Greens” Detox Soup!

19 Sunday Oct 2014

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GlowsMom was right, people…gotta eat those VEGGIES!  Fueling our bodies with good, nutritious food is THE foundation of us being our best selves for each other out in the world. Our happiest and healthiest. Awhile back I spotted a sign in a store window that said “The food you eat can either be the best form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.”  WOW.  Did that ever make an impression on me!

Ever since completing the Lean Eating for Women program last July I’ve put this into practice more and more.  And for the record, I don’t feel like I “completed” anything.  Rather, that year of habit-based coaching was the end of the beginning!  The launch of fivenineteen 2.0!  Who is now nearly 50 lbs lighter (22.5 kg) and about 43″ leaner with body measurements!  Holy crap, right? And since then, now doing these things “on my own” so to speak (which I’m not, really, as the Lean Eating online community is superb), I feel equipped with fantastic, sustainable nutrition and exercise habits I can continue for the rest of my life.

While I am not vegan, I’m really enjoying the Oh She Glows cookbook by Angela Liddon.  Delicious, creative vegan recipes…even for those like me who love a good steak or burger now and then!  It’s true…eating your veggies DOES make you glow from the inside out.  I’m told I look younger now than before I started taking better care of myself, and I have fewer wrinkles too apparently.  Bonus.

So, here’s a fantastic soup recipe.  Enjoy the ritual of chopping veggies…for me there is something very rustic and soothing about it.  [No, I don’t have a food processor, but am in the market for one.] Once you’re done with the prep work this soup comes together very quickly and will make the house smell heavenly.  This was a perfect choice, as I had a large, sweet onion and some mushrooms in the fridge that were a little long in the tooth and needed to be used.  When your veggies are ‘tired’ and about ready to be tossed, try them in a stir-fry or a soup like this one so they don’t go to waste.

Eat Your Greens Detox Soup – Serves 3

  • 1 1/2 tsp (7 ml) coconut oil or olive oil
  • 1 sweet onion, diced
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 3 C (750 ml) sliced cremini or white button mushrooms (about 8 oz)
  • 1 C (250 ml) chopped carrots
  • 2 C (500 ml) chopped broccoli florets
  • Fine grain sea salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  • 1 1/2 to 3 tsp (7 to 15 ml) grated, peeled fresh ginger
  • 1/2 tsp (2 ml) ground turmeric
  • 2 tsp (10 ml) ground cumin
  • 1/8 tsp (0.5 ml) ground cinnamon
  • 5 C (1.25 L) vegetable broth
  • 2 large nori seaweed sheets, cut into 1-inch (2.5 cm) strips (optional)
  • 2 C (500 ml) torn kale leaves
  • Fresh lemon juice, for serving (optional)

In a large saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat.  Add the onion and garlic and sauté for about 5 minutes, until the onion is soft and translucent.

Add the mushrooms, carrots and broccoli and stir to combine.  Season generously with salt and pepper and sauté for 5 minutes more.

Stir in the ginger, turmeric, cumin and cinnamon and sauté for 1-2 minutes, until fragrant.

Add the broth and stir to combine.  Bring the mixture to a boil and then reduce the heat to medium low and simmer until the vegetables are tender, 10 to 20 minutes.

Just before serving, stir in the nori (if using) and kale and cook until wilted.  Season with salt and pepper and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice, if desired.

Fivenineteen notes:  I purchased one of those cardboard box thingy’s of vegetable stock that contains 4 cups broth, not the 5 called for in this recipe.  Honestly, you can get away with just 4 cups, plus the soup will be even thicker and heartier, which I prefer, honestly.  I like this served with a small blob of pesto too.

Buon appetito!

Still Shifting!

10 Sunday Aug 2014

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To say it’s been a hell of a summer would be an understatement for sure.  I feel like I’m FINALLY beginning to relax and truly savor our glorious weather a little.  Getting abruptly cut from my job back in mid May, the ensuing job search, some drama with my unemployment benefits claim, the trip to Indy which I thought would result in an FTE job at their Seattle branch and getting me off the 8-year contractor merry go round…to now land in a (contract) job which is great on paper, but not where I truly think I should be right now.

I admit I have these thoughts in my head while in meetings and getting to know my new co-workers.  Thoughts like “I’m not supposed to be here!!  I’m supposed to be at [name of company]!!”  I feel like an impostor sometimes.  A poser.  Just going through the motions.  Feeling a little restless, unsettled and off-balance.  And it’s not my co-workers’ faults at ALL.  They’re GREAT.  A very hard working, energetic and somewhat nutty team.  That works for me!   Heck, I don’t even have the same manager after just three weeks.  That’s how fast this group moves.  Oh and if you’re easily offended, stay away from the offices near mine.  That other group drops F bombs like they’re going out of style.  Not in a hostile way though.  Kind of funny.

So I’m trying hard to be positive, get engaged and learn learn learn.  That’s the typical ramping up process when you do short-term consulting engagements.  Find out where you can contribute and add value right away.  Geez, I could write a fucking book about all of this.  Guess those F bomb-dropping neighbors are rubbing off on me.  Actually no…I’ve always had a potty mouth streak.

What’s kept me grounded through my stress this summer?  The Lean Eating for Women program I officially wrapped up in July.  Good nutrition habits.  Good exercise habits. Things we learned gradually over the last 12 months.  I learned that trying to do everything new or different all at once sets us up for failure and getting overwhelmed.  I missed my workout yesterday?  Well fuck it, that means I won’t work out the rest of the week.  Ever have that “all or nothing” mindset?  Yep, me too.  Rather, in Lean Eating we start very small practicing just one habit for a couple of weeks and then add on another.  That’s why the program is a full year in length.  There’s time built in to incorporate all of what we need, when we need it.

I’ve learned about taking action rather than “wondering and worrying”.  Meaning, what can I do RIGHT NOW to set myself up for success, whether that means planning my exercise and food prep for the upcoming week, or doing something about what’s bothering me.  What did I do when I worried about being out of work?  [Believe me, when you’re out of work there’s that terror of wondering how long it’s going to be.  Is my next job offer coming tomorrow?  6 months from now?  A year?]  And that can burn a lot of cycles for sure.  I learned that sometimes all the action I could take was to make sure I had a communications plan in place for the next day, next week, etc.  I’d review my job search log (kept on a spreadsheet) and mark who I needed to contact or email to follow up on a networking call or to follow-up with a recruiter on how a phone screen went a couple of days prior.  And I’d note new contacts to reach out to, or company websites to review for their open job positions.

I “officially” dropped 36 lbs (16.3 kg) in the 12 month PN/LE program timeframe.  But I’m not done yet, my body is telling me.  People often ask me “so now that you’re ‘done,’ what do you do?”  The answer is simple:  the same damn stuff I learned to do in the 12 months prior!  Keep doing the habits, keep practicing the workouts!  I’m still in the gym 5-6 nights a week and practicing good eating and nutrition habits.  My weight has dropped another 6 lbs since, and I’m still noticing shifts in my body and how my clothes fit. So we’re down 42 lbs now (19 kg).  Stuff I bought when the clothes from last year were too loose to be effectively worn anymore are now even getting loose themselves!  WORKOUT gear is getting a little looser too.  Kind of funny to have to pull up your yoga pants between weight lifting sets…anyone handy with sewing so I can put a string tie around my waist?

But it’s not just about the number on the scale.  I haven’t just lost weight.  I’ve gained muscle tone.  I have some biceps emerging now, my lats are getting stronger and my legs are in the best shape of my life.  I can wear shorts and sleeveless tops and feel pretty toned and confident.  I’m 47, not 25, keep in mind, but I do think I’m holding up alright.

And still shifting.

Weekly Food Prep Ritual!

13 Sunday Apr 2014

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One of the habits we are practicing in the Lean Eating for Women program I started back in late July is to plan our meals.  Planning sets us up for success, whatever that might look like!  For me, that means preparing meals for the upcoming week on Sundays.  And each night during the work week I take some of what I’ve prepared and get my lunch ready in a Tupperware to take to work with me.  While I do like my job, our work cafeteria is pretty lame.  [Getting the runs on my first day after grabbing a seemingly innocent slice of pizza for lunch, and hearing how others have gotten sick after eating from the salad bar was enough to scare me off.]  And we’re in a rural part of suburbia where there aren’t too many choices for going out to eat.  Plus, that can add up and get expensive over time.  Preparing and bringing my own food sets me up for success – the choices I make are mine alone and work for my own personal food and nutrition journey.

Have I mentioned I’ve dropped 33 lbs since I started this journey last July??  That’s just under 15 kg for my metric readers, by the way!  I’ve been weight training 3 times a week, doing some sort of cardio 2-3 times a week, and resting one day a week (usually on Sundays).  Now, of course, we’re going for excellence, not perfection here, people!  If I’m sick it’s not a good idea to work out and I will have zero energy.  Knock on wood I’ve been injury-free during these past 9 months so that has not been a problem.  And when the gym was closed for Christmas, no excuses!  I met up with a friend at a school playground with some stretchy bands and did a playground workout bundled up in the cold!

So…food prep starts with making a shopping list and budgeting some time for the actual food prep of course.  I am single with no kids PLUS I really enjoy grocery shopping, so this is pretty effortless for me actually.  One of the biggest habits we are learning in Lean Eating is to consume veggies and lean protein at every meal.  Yes, that means breakfast too!  Some of my favorite foods to prep include…

  • Chicken
  • Quinoa
  • Polenta
  • Mushrooms
  • Red bell peppers

I also make sure I have other veggies stocked up for the week such as fresh spinach, baby carrots, green onions and flat-leaf Italian parsley.

To cook the chicken, I usually roast two breasts. I’ll line my broiler pan with tin foil and drizzle a little olive oil on it.  The chicken breasts go in the pan and I douse them with lemon juice and garlic salt.  I might sprinkle some paprika on one and some tarragon on the other.  Play around and experiment with different spices!  20-25 minutes at 425 degrees is about right to cook the chicken, but it’s good to test and cut into the chicken and make sure it’s cooked through (meaning, no pink).  I usually bring one to work for lunch and dice up the other one to throw into an omelet for dinner later in the week or maybe to toss with some veggies.

I’m falling in love with quinoa! But I will admit the flavor can be a little bitter depending on what I eat it with.  Sometimes a small blob of pesto helps.  But I’ve also discovered blending some red quinoa in with the regular tan-colored type cuts the bitterness too.  1/2 cup of each in a pan with two cups of water, boil for 15 minutes and then let rest, covered for about 45 minutes until all the water is absorbed.  Put it in a Tupperware and you’ve got a nice batch of quinoa that will keep for over a week in the fridge.

What about polenta?  This is a “neutral” food that goes with just about anything.  I buy it in a tube, slice it up and put it under the broiler for a few minutes to ‘toast’ it slightly.  And I might sprinkle it with a little pink Himalayan sea salt.

I also spend time slicing up some fresh mushrooms and dicing a red bell pepper.  I’ll sauté the mushrooms very lightly in a little olive oil and add some garlic, lemon juice and minced flat leafed Italian parsley.  The mushrooms and bell pepper each go in their own separate Tupperware in the fridge.

NOW with all of those ingredients I have endless combinations of lunches and dinners to get me through a busy week!  The secret is to take that time to get your foods cooked and ready to go.  After work I immediately go to the gym and work out.  When I get home I shower.  By this time I’m feeling good but a little tired and not really in the mood to spend a lot of time making myself dinner. BUT with my veggies all chopped and ready to go I can crack a couple of eggs and whip up an omelet with the diced chicken, mushrooms, bell peppers and some fresh spinach thrown in!  Voila!  Easy, quick and nutritious!!

Or for lunch during the work week, the night before I will pack up a Tupperware with a few pieces of sliced polenta, some quinoa and throw in some of the diced red peppers, mushrooms and some spinach leaves.  I might even add a small blob of hummus or guacamole and sprinkle in a few black Kalamata olives. The next morning I throw it into my lunch bag, grab an apple for my late afternoon pre-workout snack and off I go!  I’m usually on conference calls all morning and through the traditional lunch hour, so I typically will eat lunch at my desk, listening in on calls with my headset in mute mode.

See how investing a little time on a Sunday sets me up for eating success?  What are some of YOUR favorite meal prep rituals?

Minus 30!

30 Sunday Mar 2014

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Yep, we’re off the plateau and on a downward roll!  I’m officially down 30 lbs (13.6 kg) since last July when I took a leap of faith and joined the Lean Eating program for women that is offered twice a year by Precision Nutrition.  I can’t believe we’re sliding into the home stretch – we’ll be “done” this coming July!  And I use “done” in quotes because, to my relief, there is a ton of post-program support out there.  Meetup groups, Facebook groups, online forums, coaches to Skype with, you name it.  Plus I now have a growing repertoire of weight training and interval workouts at my fingertips!  I may repeat the entire exercise program again just to keep up momentum and see how much stronger I am the second time around!

I’m feeling so much happier and more confident with my body.  Clothes are getting looser, smaller sizes are fitting better…and I can sit and cross my legs comfortably. People’s reactions to seeing me who haven’t seen me in a while are priceless!  I love this!!  I literally feel ‘lighter’ too, just like the shrinking number on the scale!  Now, we are coached to know that the number on the scale is not the be-all tell-all indicator of our progress.  And it’s just a number!  We’re also doing our measurements weekly and recording our progress.  You really can see the progress there and THAT’S where it counts.  Muscle weighs twice as much as fat, and we’re building lean muscle mass through our weight training sessions.   I’ve heard so many stories about how people make personal shopping appointments at a department store and provide their height and weight information to the stylist.  And the stylist picks out PLUS SIZED clothes, only to meet up with her client who is fit!!  OOPS.  And yikes.  Not a good way to start off a personal shopping appointment!

I was worried a little about looking older as I lost weight.  They say a little fat padding, especially in our faces, helps us look youthful.  And I’ve always joked that my chubby pink cheeks puff out my wrinkles!  I’m 46…turning 47 in May and I AM a little sensitive about aging. On the road full speed to 50. And about looking middle-aged and all…some say people in that age group are ‘invisible’ to others.  Overlooked and ignored.  UGH.  Would slimming down age me?  Or make my skin saggy and lifeless on my face or elsewhere?

Thankfully (so far) that has NOT been the case.  In fact people have commented that I look even younger now.  And my posture has improved. They say losing weight gradually and while doing weight training at the same time helps your skin ‘catch up’ with lost inches, AND you’re building muscle too in the process.

So far, it’s working!  Making regular exercise a priority was probably the most daunting aspect of this program when I first signed up.  Could I really stick with it?  Could I do the workouts?  The answer is a resounding YES all around.  I don’t always jump for joy when I head to the gym, but that’s where the ‘action before motivation’ mantra kicks in.  I DO know how great I feel after I’ve worked out.  And now I’m seeing a tiny bit of muscle definition in my arms and shoulders.  In my legs and hips.  The extra baggy cotton t-shirts I used to work out in are now replaced by snugger synthetic t-shirts or tanks.  My face has slimmed down and people have commented I need a new headshot for my jewelry business website something fierce.

Consistency is the key to success with this journey, whatever that looks like.  No flash in the pan superstar-ness is needed here.  Just regular, consistent exercise…with a change in routine and in difficulty every 4 weeks or so.

I’ll likely have more posts about what this program has provided for me as we head into the final phases.  Can’t say enough about how AWESOME and life-changing this has been for me!!!

March Goes WHOOOOSHING By….

16 Sunday Mar 2014

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Holy freaking smokes…the last couple of weeks have put me on rocket ride turbo overload!  I’ve got an adrenaline junkie streak in me no doubt, but sometimes when life kicks into surprise WHOOSH mode it’s like a rush but where the hell is my seatbelt and helmet??

I received some major kudos at work…by just doing my job! Dang and wow!  After sending out a meeting recap to a few people on one of our project teams that email somehow got forwarded to a Director and then a few notches up to our VP!  With very nice words about what I was doing.  Apparently I unknowingly hit the nail on the head on a new initiative senior leadership is working on to promote getting more ahead of the curve on certain projects.  Guess this was one of those projects! Now, I am a contractor/consultant at this job (going on one year here this week – wow), and while we are treated well as contingent workers, kudos like that are RARE.  RARE, I tell you.  It’s very much a “no news is good news” type of work environment, so I never expect to hear or read things like that!  But hey, I’ll take the compliment!

What’s going on with the Lean Eating program I started last July?  After plateau’ing with weight loss (is that a word) for a few weeks I am starting to see movement again…and in the right direction!  I’m down 29.5 lbs (13.4 kg) – !!  10 lbs lighter since Christmas time!  Holy shit I am feeling FANTASTIC!  Rockin’ confidence and sass like I haven’t in YEARS.  Being consistent and persistent with this “program” (I use “program” in quotes because it’s a lifestyle shift) is the key to success for sure.  I get up every day and read the workout I’m supposed to do, I practice the lifestyle habits, I work out 5-6 nights a week and have made incredible (but not drastic) changes in my relationship with food.  Learning what works for me – what content goes in my own personal operating manual!  People are really starting to notice.  And when I go out to eat with people I haven’t seen in a while, sometimes they’ll say “Oh, fivenineteen, you probably don’t want to share a dessert with the rest of us because of what you’re doing…”.  Or other silly assumptions like that.  Are you kidding me?  Sure, I’ll have a bite of the cake we’re ordering or a scoop of ice cream.  I don’t need a huge serving to really savor a delicious dessert, but I can have a taste if I want to…or not!

And lately, people have been seeking out my opinions on things.  Calling me the ‘voice of reason.’  WHAT??  I’m stunned!  I listen to problems and offer my perspective and viewpoint.  Empathy.  Strength.  I get this trait from my Dad actually, at risk of tooting my own horn again.

Are the changes in my body, my personality and my confidence affecting more than just my physical self?  Am I seen as happier, more outgoing…more attractive?

I think the answer is YES. No wait, I KNOW.

March comes in like a Lion…

02 Sunday Mar 2014

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…so that old saying goes, right?  Last weekend was consumed by overnight work (which my team does on a regular basis)…so while the work shift itself wasn’t super long, it hung over my head all weekend and I couldn’t mentally relax and unwind.

THIS weekend was time to let loose. You could feel the energy at work on Friday.  The sun was out and it was pretty warm outside (mid 50s!).  Ohhhh, the promise of spring!  Many people took the afternoon off just to cut loose.  After last weekend’s work, we all were ready for REAL weekends!

So much for that warm Friday afternoon…yesterday Mother Nature slapped her big ol’ reminder on us that it’s WINTER.  Wet, biting cold.  And SNOW where I ended up later!

WP_000524See the “bald spot” on the top of the ridge in the background?  That’s where I hiked on Saturday with two women from the Lean Eating program I’ve been involved in since last July!

C, G and I met in the parking lot of Issaquah High School which you can see in the picture at right.  The trail head is just a short walk away!  And the top of that ridge is called…wait for it…Poo Poo Point!  More on that later.

We were originally planning to do an urban-style easy hike (more of a walk, really) at Carkeek Park in north Seattle. But one of the women was driving in from eastern Washington, and the last hop into Seattle would have added an extra hour to her drive.  So, Issaquah it was!  Not too far off of I-90 once you head westbound over the mountains.

I was grateful C and G were open to a somewhat-later start.  We met up at 11:00am and were on our way by 11:30.  This hike was 8 miles round trip with a near 1700′ elevation gain.  We even had C’s Boxer mix, Hank, along for the journey too!  Adorable.

The trail was in great condition – a little muddy in places but nothing a good pair of hiking boots can’t handle.  MAN oh man…those switchbacks!  I got a good, stiff wakeup call that the treadmill and doing intervals at the gym is NO comparison to some good, butt-kicking uphill switchbacks.  I had to stop and catch my breath a few more times than C and G needed to and felt bad, but they were very understanding.  There was NO way we weren’t going to make it to the top!

WP_000521And the top – WOW.  This is paragliding and hang gliding heaven right here!  Too cold for any of that action today but in the summer this place is hopping!  You just run and launch right off the ridge!  No railings down there at all.

I took in the views and watched the fog roll and swirl so rapidly – kept changing by the second!

And later, it started to snow.   So beautiful!

Now, you’re probably still wondering…why the heck is it called POO POO Point?  Kinda makes you giggle a little, right?

Well, I learned that the name comes from the sound the steam whistles would make when signaling the loggers.  Yeah I guess that could sound like a POO POO of sorts?

WP_000522Now seeing THIS kinda freaked me out a little. A few other girls were there, walking WAY down the slope of the ridge and laughing, taking pictures of each other.  Ummm…NO THANKS!  That kinds of stuff makes my heart pound and not in a good way.  What was hilarious was that they were decked out in San Francisco 49ers gear head to toe.  Including red backpacks.

Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little morbidly funny that girls in 49ers gear were standing on the edge of a cliff deep in Seahawks country?  Death wish much?  I was wearing my Super Bowl XLVIII champs knit hat and hoped they noticed!  Ha ha.

It only took an hour and a half to get back down to the high school parking lot.  What an adventure!  It’s definitely one I will do again!

Later that evening I went to a party at my dear friend P’s house.  She had recently returned from an incredible few month’s of travel in Belize, Australia and New Zealand!  She cooked us food from all 3 countries (ceviche!  Kangaroo sliders!  Pavlova for dessert!).  YUM.  And had her incredible pictures displayed in a slide show on her TV.

Check out Alaskagirlatheart.com to see them for yourself!

Minus 20

26 Sunday Jan 2014

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…as in POUNDS LOST, not temperature – well, at least not in this part of the world thankfully!

Yep, I’m officially 20 pounds lighter this week.  That’s about 9.1kg.  Since last July I’ve been completely overhauling myself.  Changing nutrition (and, really, changing my relationship with food) and getting regular exercise.  Weight training.  Cardio.  Core/plank work.  Lunges and squats.  I’m pushing myself more and more with each workout.  I was a little scared to at first because I didn’t want to injure myself.  But I’m learning the balance between training slightly out of your comfort zone and pushing too hard risking injury.  And I’m learning I’m stronger than I ever thought I was!  I CAN DO THIS!

And I swear this will be the last ‘program’ I ever do.  I’m learning lifelong habits I can live with!  We even had a mini ‘test’ of sorts a few weeks ago where they did not indicate any workouts to do for an entire week.  Sure, it’s easy to follow along when you have your workout online each day, but what about when no one’s directing you?  That was a great week actually…I didn’t freak out and stayed on path with regular workouts on my own!  Hooray!

And I got a good shocker/reminder of what 20 pounds is.  I use 15 pound dumbbells for some of my arm presses and flys, but hadn’t picked up a 20 pound dumbbell.  So, one night in the weight room I did.  And I was shocked.  I held the weight in my hand and noticed how heavy it felt…how much it pulled down that side of my body.  That was weight I was carrying around 24/7 on my BODY!  Oh my God!

I’m on a roll and there’s no stopping me!

Hello, 2014!!!

12 Sunday Jan 2014

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YES! How joyous it was to toss 2013 into the recycling bin (the calendar tossing is SO symbolic to me) and start a new year off fresh!  Some of you who tune in here regularly know how the last part of 2013 went right into the crapper.  The break up with J.  My Grandmother’s passing.  My nephew’s scary hospitalization for 2 weeks after not feeling so great at Thanksgiving.  And that was just November!  [My nephew is fine now, thank the Lord…he came down with an auto-immune disease and had a 17 hour transfusion of antibodies flushed through his little 6-year-old body to fight it off and to get that 104 degree fever down.]  Scary and stressful…

So now it’s a new year and I couldn’t be happier!  Happy for fresh starts and happy to get back to the routine.  The holidays are done, whew.  They were brutal last month and I went through it all in a sad, numb fog.

Many people love the ritual of starting new and better habits with new years resolutions, but I am overjoyed that my exercise and nutrition habit is 6 months old already! So January is a turbo boost to all of that…I’m going to be amazing this year and finish up this year-long program fabulously!  Yes, the gym sure gets packed this time of year!  Soon it will thin out again to us regulars.  And I’m proud to call myself an evening regular there too.  Nice to nod and smile at the familiar faces every night.

So, not a whole lot of profound ramblings today…I’m just happy, content and getting reset after the sadness of November and December.  I’m so happy that’s all in the rear view mirror now.   I’m feeling back to being Me again.

Cheers to 2014, everyone!

Sneaky Depression

15 Sunday Dec 2013

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WOW, what a difference a day makes!  Yesterday was a struggle to make it happy, productive, useful.  Well, it was Saturday and that usually slows my pace way down…so I try not to put too much pressure on myself to do too much.  That’s hard this time of year with the holidays and all.  I still haven’t finished up all of my shopping.  And Aunt Flo really kicked my butt this time around.  Notsomuch with the cramps (hurray – great benefit of regular exercise), but my emotions completely went down the tubes for a couple of days.

And I guess I hadn’t (haven’t?) finished getting over a couple of recent losses.  I woke up on Saturday feeling swallowed up in depression.  I miss my Grandma so much.  She was such a gift to our family and everyone she knew.  It’s hard to describe, but it’s like she was indestructible.  Now I know that can’t be true…we’re all human and have limited years on Earth.  Grandma was lucky to have 97 and a half of them…most of them active and healthy.

I haven’t written about J in awhile.  Most of the posts about him were about fun things we did together.  And all of the help he provided getting my garage cleaned up and so much more.  It’s been just a little over a month since he told me, after nearly a year, that he’s not in love with me and won’t ever will be.  I thought I was doing OK taking this on board and moving on with my life, but yesterday just really dragged down my spirit.  I’m single…again.  And this time of year that’s hard.  I guess I make it hard on myself, I don’t know.  Going to family gatherings, single.  I think that’s the hardest part of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  When I get really, really down I start feeling like a leftover freak sitting at the dining room table with everyone.  You want people to ask you if there’s a special guy in your life.  And when they don’t ask you wonder…do they just expect you not to – ever?  Have they given up on you?  I see my youngest brother and my younger cousins all getting married, having children.  Seeing their little ones over the holidays – that’s the best part! 

I never wanted kids (I knew this as a young teen actually) but I DO want a long-term, loving partnership in my life.  I know he’s out there somewhere.  I just thought we’d have met by now.  I see everyone around me paired up.  Are they happy?  I sure hope so.  I’m so fucking tired of having to do things on my own.  Try to take care of my townhouse alone.  Make plans to renovate, remodel, travel the world…I don’t LIKE traveling solo and get resentful when I have to take on the burden of planning and paying for home repairs and projects.  Do I wait until I have enough cash saved up?  Or take on debt? 

My townhouse is in a state of limbo and mess.  I have clothes everywhere that I’m slowly weeding out and getting packed off to Goodwill, and a new walk-in closet will get built in early January – hurray!  I’m just embarrassed that everything is taking so long.  My folks came over to drop off my Grandma’s new bed and pillow she had just the last few weeks of her life.  It will be perfect for my guestroom for now.  I apologized for how messy my place was and almost started crying right in front of them.  I never have them over.  I know that’s probably ridiculous because they’re just one suburb over.  I’m embarrassed at how out of date my townhouse is compared to their house, my brother’s, etc. I’m overwhelmed and sad.  There’s clutter everywhere. 

So all of these emotions really weighed me down yesterday.  It took all I could dredge up to force myself to get in the gym and do some intervals on the treadmill.  I was waiting for those endorphins to kick in…but they didn’t.  Oh well, at least I did SOMETHING active and burned some calories. I like how the gym is really feeling comfortable to me, like a broken-in shoe.

L (my guy BFF) invited me over to his place last night to cook dinner with him and watch hockey.  He wanted to make turkey burgers, cous cous and a kale salad, awww.  Normally I would have loved this chance to hang out and joke around, but I called him and apologized that I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be good company, I told him.  I went around yesterday with tears literally welled up in my eyes.  On the treadmill.  At the grocery store looking for some amino acid supplements. L said you know what, fivenineteen, you’ve got a pretty fucking good life. Don’t get so down on yourself.  I smiled a little into the phone while I looked around at the clutter inside my house.  And the popcorn ceiling that still needs to be scraped off downstairs (not to mention upstairs).

I just needed to ride out this wave of depression and stay home last night.  I’m glad he respected my choice.  He lives in a great part of Seattle, but it’s a 45 minute drive from my house and in the mood I was in I just wasn’t up for it.

So today (Sunday) is worlds better.  I’m feeling much more like ‘me’ again.

Nike’s got it Right: Just Do It

03 Sunday Nov 2013

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JDIEvery day in this Lean Eating for Women program I started back in late July, we get some reading material.  Nothing overwhelmingly long…just maybe 10-15 minutes to read through.  And the material is archived so we can always go back and re-read something if needed.  The timing on these works out great for my daily routine:  given my time zone I usually get “tomorrow’s” reading in the evening here.  So I can take a sneak peek at it…and then I re-read it again in more depth after I get home from work and the gym that next evening.  And so on.  I’m blocked from lots of external sites by design at work (it’s a secure IT environment) and taking the time to read small print on my phone during a lunch break doesn’t really work for me.  And I’ve yet to pull the trigger on some sort of tablet.  Hmmmm.

OH, by the way, it’s one of my absolute favorite days of the year.  The Sunday after the end of Daylight Savings Time.  YES.  One extra, gloriously blissful hour.  Yeah, I know when we ‘spring forward’ we have the benefit of longer evening daylight hours in the summer, but the price to pay is a steep one.  Setting our clocks ahead an hour makes me feel tired, cranky and like I’m constantly running late for a good week or so until I adjust.  So now…the bliss of extra time.  Time – one of our most precious commodities of all.

Now, back to these daily readings from PN!  One of them (thankfully) shattered some weird mind perception I’ve had about people who are experts in fitness and nutrition.  Those of Olympic athlete caliber…or someone like one of my trainers at the gym who is probably 10 years my senior and puts people half his age to shame at how fit he is.  His spinning class is jam-packed with a waiting list for a reason.  I can always tell when he’s teaching, because the gym parking lot is extra packed those nights!

For some reason I had it in my head that fitness gurus are ALWAYS without fail super jazzed about what they’re doing and their workouts.  Endorphins perhaps?  Just extra happy, positive people by nature?  Motivated by achieving their fitness goals and inspiring others to do the same?

Well, maybe some or most days, but some days, well, notsomuch as it turns out!!

How illuminating this was for me, this new realization!  OK, I think I get it – there are days I’m not really going to feel like working out for all sorts of reasons.  It’s easy to come up with lots of excuses.  I just figured that as I stayed with this program and did the workouts that I would feel happier because I’m getting regular exercise, seeing improvements in my strength and muscle tone and I’m now down nearly 15 lbs since late July!  YES!  That in itself should be motivating, right?  I even had a shocker a couple of weeks ago when I actually was looking forward to working out during the workday!  Meaning, during the workday I knew later that evening I’d be at the gym…and was excited about it!  WOW! And what the hell?

But now I know I’m not going to always feel that way.  Not even when I get in more peak condition, whatever that might look like.

The point of this lesson in PN is to just do it anyway if you don’t feel like it.  Action before motivation, everyone!!  Get a routine scheduled and get what you need to surround yourself with for success!  For example, before I go to bed at night on weeknights I make sure my gym clothes, shoes, iPod and my workout printout are all ready for me to grab on the dining room table on the way out the door when leaving for work.  I make sure I have my lunch and snacks in the front of the fridge and ready to throw into my lunch bag that morning as well.  Mornings are not my strong suit.  I need my clothes, shoes and jewelry all picked out and laid out the night before so I can just get dressed, put on some makeup and get going to work as quickly and mindlessly as possible.  I don’t have time to linger and my mind is just too fuzzy at that hour to make any sense.

And when I get to the gym after work, I have my list of exercises printed out and ready to take with me!  I make sure to watch the short video clips the night before to mentally ‘practice’ them.  Maybe that in itself provides some motivation for me to keep practicing the exercises.  Every time I do them I get a little better and a little stronger.  And improved muscle tone – yes!

So action first…then motivation.  Great stuff for those days I just won’t feel like working out.  Love it!