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Still Shifting!

10 Sunday Aug 2014

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To say it’s been a hell of a summer would be an understatement for sure.  I feel like I’m FINALLY beginning to relax and truly savor our glorious weather a little.  Getting abruptly cut from my job back in mid May, the ensuing job search, some drama with my unemployment benefits claim, the trip to Indy which I thought would result in an FTE job at their Seattle branch and getting me off the 8-year contractor merry go round…to now land in a (contract) job which is great on paper, but not where I truly think I should be right now.

I admit I have these thoughts in my head while in meetings and getting to know my new co-workers.  Thoughts like “I’m not supposed to be here!!  I’m supposed to be at [name of company]!!”  I feel like an impostor sometimes.  A poser.  Just going through the motions.  Feeling a little restless, unsettled and off-balance.  And it’s not my co-workers’ faults at ALL.  They’re GREAT.  A very hard working, energetic and somewhat nutty team.  That works for me!   Heck, I don’t even have the same manager after just three weeks.  That’s how fast this group moves.  Oh and if you’re easily offended, stay away from the offices near mine.  That other group drops F bombs like they’re going out of style.  Not in a hostile way though.  Kind of funny.

So I’m trying hard to be positive, get engaged and learn learn learn.  That’s the typical ramping up process when you do short-term consulting engagements.  Find out where you can contribute and add value right away.  Geez, I could write a fucking book about all of this.  Guess those F bomb-dropping neighbors are rubbing off on me.  Actually no…I’ve always had a potty mouth streak.

What’s kept me grounded through my stress this summer?  The Lean Eating for Women program I officially wrapped up in July.  Good nutrition habits.  Good exercise habits. Things we learned gradually over the last 12 months.  I learned that trying to do everything new or different all at once sets us up for failure and getting overwhelmed.  I missed my workout yesterday?  Well fuck it, that means I won’t work out the rest of the week.  Ever have that “all or nothing” mindset?  Yep, me too.  Rather, in Lean Eating we start very small practicing just one habit for a couple of weeks and then add on another.  That’s why the program is a full year in length.  There’s time built in to incorporate all of what we need, when we need it.

I’ve learned about taking action rather than “wondering and worrying”.  Meaning, what can I do RIGHT NOW to set myself up for success, whether that means planning my exercise and food prep for the upcoming week, or doing something about what’s bothering me.  What did I do when I worried about being out of work?  [Believe me, when you’re out of work there’s that terror of wondering how long it’s going to be.  Is my next job offer coming tomorrow?  6 months from now?  A year?]  And that can burn a lot of cycles for sure.  I learned that sometimes all the action I could take was to make sure I had a communications plan in place for the next day, next week, etc.  I’d review my job search log (kept on a spreadsheet) and mark who I needed to contact or email to follow up on a networking call or to follow-up with a recruiter on how a phone screen went a couple of days prior.  And I’d note new contacts to reach out to, or company websites to review for their open job positions.

I “officially” dropped 36 lbs (16.3 kg) in the 12 month PN/LE program timeframe.  But I’m not done yet, my body is telling me.  People often ask me “so now that you’re ‘done,’ what do you do?”  The answer is simple:  the same damn stuff I learned to do in the 12 months prior!  Keep doing the habits, keep practicing the workouts!  I’m still in the gym 5-6 nights a week and practicing good eating and nutrition habits.  My weight has dropped another 6 lbs since, and I’m still noticing shifts in my body and how my clothes fit. So we’re down 42 lbs now (19 kg).  Stuff I bought when the clothes from last year were too loose to be effectively worn anymore are now even getting loose themselves!  WORKOUT gear is getting a little looser too.  Kind of funny to have to pull up your yoga pants between weight lifting sets…anyone handy with sewing so I can put a string tie around my waist?

But it’s not just about the number on the scale.  I haven’t just lost weight.  I’ve gained muscle tone.  I have some biceps emerging now, my lats are getting stronger and my legs are in the best shape of my life.  I can wear shorts and sleeveless tops and feel pretty toned and confident.  I’m 47, not 25, keep in mind, but I do think I’m holding up alright.

And still shifting.

Hello, 2014!!!

12 Sunday Jan 2014

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YES! How joyous it was to toss 2013 into the recycling bin (the calendar tossing is SO symbolic to me) and start a new year off fresh!  Some of you who tune in here regularly know how the last part of 2013 went right into the crapper.  The break up with J.  My Grandmother’s passing.  My nephew’s scary hospitalization for 2 weeks after not feeling so great at Thanksgiving.  And that was just November!  [My nephew is fine now, thank the Lord…he came down with an auto-immune disease and had a 17 hour transfusion of antibodies flushed through his little 6-year-old body to fight it off and to get that 104 degree fever down.]  Scary and stressful…

So now it’s a new year and I couldn’t be happier!  Happy for fresh starts and happy to get back to the routine.  The holidays are done, whew.  They were brutal last month and I went through it all in a sad, numb fog.

Many people love the ritual of starting new and better habits with new years resolutions, but I am overjoyed that my exercise and nutrition habit is 6 months old already! So January is a turbo boost to all of that…I’m going to be amazing this year and finish up this year-long program fabulously!  Yes, the gym sure gets packed this time of year!  Soon it will thin out again to us regulars.  And I’m proud to call myself an evening regular there too.  Nice to nod and smile at the familiar faces every night.

So, not a whole lot of profound ramblings today…I’m just happy, content and getting reset after the sadness of November and December.  I’m so happy that’s all in the rear view mirror now.   I’m feeling back to being Me again.

Cheers to 2014, everyone!

So, How’s that Lean Eating Program Going?

12 Thursday Sep 2013

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A few people have asked me how things are going with the Lean Eating for Women program I started back in late July.  WOW!  I did this through the entire month of August and now all of a sudden it’s mid September!  YES!  I’m still doing this…I’m not giving up!  This is a year-long journey, and I am so happy to have tons of support all around me.  People like J, my family and my friends.  And a few co-workers who I trust to share what I’m doing.

Ironically, my work environment, the place I spend the most of my hours, is not conducive to this life changing journey of mine.  Work is an all-out Food Palooza every day.  I’ve probably blogged about this before.  Someone is always bringing in donuts or pastries and passing them around to everyone.  The DBAs in the cube farm near me love to bring in ice cream for themselves every week and since I sit near them they always offer me some too.  We’re always chatting about what we’re doing for lunch – who’s going out to lunch and where – or who volunteers to go pick up takeout Chinese.  People sometimes get offended when I politely decline the donuts they’re passing out.  That’s OK – that’s their stuff to deal with, not mine.

We even had an ice cream social at work this week as a nice thank you for all that we’ve been doing these past couple of months.  200 people descended on the large meeting room near our cafeteria and it was a make your own sundae set up with our Directors and VPs scooping up ice cream for us.  Fun!  I did have one scoop of chocolate ice cream and ate it slowly.  Interestingly enough, it didn’t taste that great.  Kind of metallic and yucky!

Now wait a second, why the heck am I blogging on a Thursday afternoon, you might be wondering?  Well, I woke up not feeling that great this morning with a slightly sore throat.  So I knew I didn’t have a lot of meetings today and just stayed at home and slept.  I am feeling a lot better now.  I probably slept with my mouth open and it got all dry and irritated!  Too funny.  What a relief!  I simply don’t have time to get sick!

Lean Eating is a habit-based coaching program.  Who wants to get overwhelmed having to learn everything they need to do all at once when starting something new, right?  That’s a guaranteed formula for failure.  Rather, this program has you start out small, just doing one or two things every day, repeating them.  And you track your progress on a private site to show whether or not you did your habits that particular day.  As time goes by, exercise programs are introduced, and now we’re just starting to practice some food-based habits.  Every habit builds upon the other one.  Get off track for a bit?  No problem…tomorrow is a clean slate!

We also are provided some reading material online every day and a short assignment to reflect on how you can apply the lesson content into your own life.  And, you track your progress online to show you’ve completed that day’s lesson.  If you get behind, it’s easy to catch up and see which ones you still need to do!  This was perfect for me, as I was in Kansas City in late July for Silpada National Conference right when the Lean Eating program kicked off so I missed the first few days of the program.  In retrospect that wasn’t a big deal at all, but I remember at the time I was a little worried as I had no idea what to expect!

The Precision Nutrition coaching team is very grounded.  Each of us in the program is assigned a coach, and there are online forums and private Facebook groups to hook up with to share ideas and ask questions.  My coach sends her group a short video message every week and we can book appointments with her to chat over the phone or Skype.  I would bet there isn’t one scenario they haven’t been through with the thousands of clients they’ve worked with!  So, no excuses!  Practice your habits, do your workouts and complete your assignments!  And it’s all with a sense of humor too – I don’t feel like I’m in a military boot camp at all!  And did I mention how easy it is?  Meaning, I just read what I’m supposed to do that day, do it and note online I completed it.  They include short videos showing how to do the exercises and I just print out the exercise list for that day and take it with me to the gym!

Getting exercise is becoming a habit with me again. I remember now how great I feel after a workout and how it helps me unwind mentally.  I’m at the gym 5 nights a week, I do something active outdoors once a week and have one day off.  I looked at my stats and I’ve been 93% compliant with getting my workouts done over the past two weeks!  YES!  High Five!  I feel great and have noticed some subtle changes in my muscle tone.  I’m down 7.5 lbs (3.4 kg) and can see the double chin slowly going away. Some of the exercises that were super hard at first are now getting slightly easier.  This has been a huge wakeup call for me.  I turned 46 in May and have never had a naturally thin, fit build.  After losing 35 lbs 10 years ago I gained about 60 lbs back!  This is not healthy!  So that’s why I’m doing this.  Regular exercise is essential for me to be the best me…YES!

I am a ‘peeker.’  I want to peek ahead and see what the program content will be toward the end.  I want to know exactly how we’ll shift into maintenance mode once the program wraps up next year. I want to know how to manage things like life that will conflict with the time I’ve budgeted to exercise every day. Hell, when I cook I like to open the oven door and peek at what’s cooking and inhale the aroma!  Peek peek peek!

Well, the Lean Eating website must have been designed with peekers like me in mind.  There is new content posted each day….and we can only peek ahead two days!  Ha ha!!  If you try to peek ahead further you’ll get redirected back to today’s info.  Well done, PN!

Anything, Anytime…Really?

03 Sunday Feb 2013

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Panic. Terror. Anxiety.  When I got my latest ‘homework’ during my second Intuitive Eating phone coaching session on Thursday, I freaked out.  It was like drawing a mental blank…my mind couldn’t compute what I was hearing.  I could envision nothing but a black, dark void.

My homework?  For one week, eat anything you want, whether you are hungry or not.  The only caveat is to be 100% PRESENT and MINDFUL to what you are eating.  And notice how you feel!  Gah!!

But I promised to commit myself 150% to this process.  To be ready to transform myself and bust free of dieting hell and the yo-yo weight gains and losses I’ve sustained over the past nearly 20 years (eek, that’s nearly half my life!).  I’ve conditioned myself to only eat carbs during dinner (a la the Carbohydrate Addicts diet) which I’ve attempted twice, each time gaining back the weight I lost and then some.  Yep, that ‘carbs only at dinner’ mindset is tattooed in my brain, and I still beat myself up mentally when I stray. I’m learning that I could actually be unconsciously dieting without even thinking about it!  Oh dear, what a smothering, vicious cycle this is!

So.  With this week-long experiment the idea is to quiet my mind (yeah, good luck with that).  Quiet my mind and instead listen to what my body says it needs.

To some this might sound like HOT DAMN, HOO DOGGY…woohooo!!  For me it was terrifying.  And still is – I’m just a few days into it.  What am I afraid of?  Honestly, I’m afraid of gaining even more weight.  I’m afraid of bingeing and feeling like I’ve eaten too much and “should” slow down or stop.  I’m afraid my body will only crave unhealthy foods and I’ll end up malnourished.

But, I dove right in.  They say to do one thing a day that scares you, right?  This is definitely it!  So below is a peek of my food journal.  I started this experiment February 1.  Ahh, there’s something nice about a new calendar page and a new start.  The timing was fantastic.

February 1:  Breakfast was a morning food “Gulp,” (not what I would call breakfast):  a chunk of cheddar cheese.  I feel rushed and stressed and not necessarily hungry as I’m trying to get out the door and in the car to drive to work.  I force the cheese down; it’s at an earlier time of morning I’m not usually eating, but I force it down because I’m worried I’ll feel hungrier later in the mid morning which is my prime-time for more difficult tasks at work and meetings.

Mid morning snack:  Dried squares of seaweed, flavored with salt and sesame oil…YUM.  I feel zing-y inside and nourished, energized.  Light.

Lunch:  I head over to the large eating area on our company campus.  They have an incredible variety of food choices, including a hot food bar which I really enjoy.  I pick up 1 large meatball with seasonings.  It looks hearty but the meat is really pink and undercooked inside so I stop after a bite.  Disappointed.  I also got a couple of squares of portabella mushroom ravioli.  I feel a little guilty eating carbs and cream sauce during lunchtime but it’s so rich tasting.  Eating slowly to savor the taste.  And a couple scoops of barley risotto.  I love the crunch and nutty texture which is different from the ravioli.  I feel full and don’t finish the second spoonful.

Afternoon snack:  Sea salt and vinegar potato chips.  I took a few moments to inhale the aroma in the bag – the vinegar scent makes me feel energized.  I’m not very hungry but I eat a few anyway.  Next a handful of raw, unsalted almonds.  I was starting to feel low on energy but I felt full still.  The afternoon energy drop I typically experience between 4 and 5pm was not as severe as it’s been when I’ve eaten low/no carb lunches.

Evening of 2/01:  I’m not really feeling super famished – this is great!  I go to the grocery store and don’t feel freaked out (I hate the feeling of being at the grocery store when you’re hungry).  I purchase a couple of containers of Greek yogurt, on-the-vine tomatoes, more of those dried seaweed snacks with sesame oil flavor, pesto, gum, sour cream, chips, organic mac & cheese, sushi for tonight and some beer.  Around 9pm I eat the sushi…it’s brown rice style with sashimi and I mix the wasabi with some spicy wasabi-infused soy sauce in my fridge.  YUM.  I feel elated and full of energy…love the spicy flavors and the seafood!  The rice makes me feel satisfied and not bloated.

Saturday February 2:  I don’t eat anything until 11am.  I was hosting our annual HOA meeting at my townhouse and was feeling excited to see everyone and a little anxious too.

After the meeting I had a piece of cheddar cheese and three huge glasses of V8 juice.  I feel alive and happy, like the juice is nourishing me!  And few small slices of spicy pepperoni.  My stomach feels a little irritated and my esophagus burns a little, but I like it.  Then around 1pm I had a sudden hunger urge.  I found a small serving of leftover pasta and vodka cream sauce in a Tupperware in the fridge. About 2-3 bites. I ate it cold.  Just what I needed!  I feel happy.

I later went to the PCC near my house.  I’m always endlessly fascinated with the variety of foods they carry!  I was in search of primrose oil capsules (they’re supposed to help stabilize PMS cravings and mitigate breast tenderness, among other things), chocolate mousse, organic butter on sale, cilantro lime spread and some live raw bars.  Then I went to my favorite spa for a long-overdue waxing appointment.  Time to get the eyebrows shaped and tinted too…I’m back in job hunting mode bigtime and need to get cleaned up to look my best for interviews!   I got there early and went to the Starbucks across the street to get a nonfat latte.  The lemon pound cake inside the pastry case literally jumped out at me – I need a piece!  I ate about half of it in very small bites.  It made me feel alive and happy.

Dinner:  I am hungry and want mac & cheese.  It’s 5:30pm and I instinctively think OMG no, it’s too early to start dinner.  I start a load of laundry instead.  Then it’s 6:00 and I say fuck it, I’m hungry, let’s start the water boiling.  I made a full box of mac & cheese and ate about 1/3 of it with some shredded mozzarella cheese on top (cheese on top of cheese LOL). I feel happy and full!  The rest goes in the Tupperware for another time.  I had some chips with that cilantro lime spread as a dip later in the evening.  And a couple spoonfuls of the chocolate mousse.  Delighted!

Sunday February 3:  It felt wonderful sleeping in a little later (11am).  I was feeling thirsty so I grabbed a big glass of water and took my typical round of supplements (which now includes the evening primrose oil).  Was I feeling hungry?  Yes, a little bit…so I grabbed some pomegranate-flavored Greek yogurt and had a big glass of V8 juice.  I feel full and a little bloated after finishing the glass of juice – maybe I drank it too quickly.  I love the flavor though!

I came back from running errands and am suddenly hungry again!  So I have a few small bites of the leftover mac & cheese from last night.  I feel guilty about doing that!   And a glass of water.  About an hour later I’m not feeling particularly hungry but I really want one of the raw bars I purchased yesterday.  It’s a chocolate/coconut flavor and it’s delicious!  Now I’m full again.

So, as you can see this is still a very new process for me. Food and my weight are very emotional to me, but it’s hard for me to put those emotions into words, whether on the phone with my coach or in writing here.  So I’ll keep working on it and not beating myself up if I’m not ‘doing it right’ (compared to WHAT, right??)

I vow to reject the diet mentality…saying goodbye and GOOD RIDDANCE to 15+ years of trying/failing at Carbohydrate Addicts, by losing and re-gaining 30-35 lbs each time.  I need to envision shedding the dieting mentality like when an animal molts.  They grow, transform and gleefully walk away from their old skin.  It doesn’t fit and doesn’t suit me any longer!