4 agreements, birthday, blog, busy, change, changes, friendship, relationships, shifting
Well hmmm…and WOW. Here I am at the keyboard. Hi, everyone! It’s my typical, wonderful Sunday blogging ritual unfolding before me – I SO look forward to this time – and I have nothing. And yet I don’t normally worry about not having something to write about on these Sunday afternoons. Sometimes I get inspired early in the week and just ‘know’ that’s what I want to write about. And sometimes I don’t get inspired until late on Saturday, or even when I wake up on Sunday. Sometimes – rarely – it’s been a big ol’ crickets chirping and I’ll take a mental vacay. Sometimes I like to blog about my latest cooking adventure – lately it’s been a soup passion a-brewing within. But last night was a (fabulous) repeat…I made Crema de Cangrejo (crabmeat soup, my own way – unpureed) – I’ve had this wackadoodle seafood craving for the last few days and figured, why fight it?
But I didn’t want to take a mental vacay today, so I’m bravely sitting here just rambling. This is an important week here in fivenineteen land, for this Blog turns THREE on September 15th! I can’t believe it! I distinctly remember the day I sat down and got started. And I remember reading lots of advice about blogs and how to start them, attract followers, keep people engaged and all that. Oh, and to always have a theme in mind for your blog. Theme? Well, I said fuck that. Things are eclectic and all over the place in here and most don’t seem to mind (right??). Ramblings on cooking, makeup, shopping, hockey, fitness or lack thereof, homeowner freakouts (oops, I mean projects), work or lack of work…it’s all here and it’s all me. I’m closing in on 200 posts which is pretty mind-blowing. And survived a move earlier this year from Blogspot over here to WordPress land – sooo worth the effort. And bonus – I got rid of the “-” in my url name – hooray! Have I ever told you all that a few years ago – long before fivenineteen – that I met with an intuitive healer (aka psychic) who told me that I have things to write about that others will want to read. I honestly had not made that connection between that conversation and being here now.
So I guess things are in a comfortable groove right now. There’s still much to do though. The popcorn ceiling scraping project is moving along at a snail’s pace – L and I have talked about this and he’s promised we’ll finish as much as we can this month. I have a slew of jewelry I’m getting ready for my first ever retired sample sale next weekend, and I’m having it in a restaurant rather than my house. I’m so excited for this because it’s something I’ve never tried before – who knows, it could turn into an annual event! I now have a new garbage disposal – damn I have the best plumber in the world – and so that’s a huge relief off my shoulders (stupid, mysterious leaks no more). I’m getting back in the gym and working out with a trainer on Thursdays and it’s been amazing. So many eye-opening discoveries about my shoulders and posture and muscle tone that need work…not to mention everywhere else (hello, core, I’m talkin’ to YOU). And I need to get my resume updated pronto…as of right now my work contract is scheduled to wrap up in November. They may be able to find budget to keep me on through January – which would be awesome as that’s our project launch timeframe – but that’s still not confirmed. And it’s so refreshing to know it’s nothing personal…having transparent conversations with your manager is bliss. Believe me, it’s not always that way when you do consulting/contracting work, as much as I strive for it. Healthy is best!
Speaking of not taking things personally, that’s a hard one sometimes. Especially when it’s a shift in close friendships…meaning, close friendships that have blossomed for years and years that somehow have devolved and have been downgraded to arms length acquaintance or to the type now that you only now “see” on Facebook. This hurts. It sucks. And notice I’m using the word frienshipS. Plural. ‘Cause there’s TWO of them that are threatening to fade to black. And it makes me sad…and angry too. My knee jerk reaction is what the fuck. What the hell have I possibly done to piss either of these two ladies off (who don’t know each other, by the way). Why won’t you return my phone calls, emails or texts saying hey, would be great to see you and catch up, how are you and blahblahblah. Or even worse…respond to me with very nice things to say but nothing in response to the ‘hey let’s get together part.’
But, sometimes no answer is your answer. I get it that we’re all busy and whatnot. Oh wait, make that “CRAZY busy.” Sometimes I think being busy is almost like bragging rights. Well, look at me here and how busy I am…I’m FAR busier than you, therefore I’m superior.
And AHA! HERE’S the article about this that totally sang to me. Where did I find it? On Facebook, of course! “… I recently wrote a friend to ask if he wanted to do something this week, and he answered that he didn’t have a lot of time but if something was going on to let him know and maybe he could ditch work for a few hours. I wanted to clarify that my question had not been a preliminary heads-up to some future invitation; this was the invitation. But his busyness was like some vast churning noise through which he was shouting out at me, and I gave up trying to shout back over it.”
Anyone out there have a friend who drops off the map when he/she gets into a new relationship? I’ve been guilty of that too. One of these ladies has been in a relationship that apparently is pretty serious (from what I see of all their Facebook pictures…see where I’m going with this?). Or ever have a friend who will now only do things as couples, hence us single folks get left off the invite? Hell, I’ve been a 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel at many parties and it’s no problem for me. I guess it is for others.
So, I’m sad…it almost feels like two mini ‘deaths’ of sorts and even more painful because they’re both happening at the same time. And perhaps I’m a little jealous too, but no, probably not as I’m not a jealous type. I have to just keep looking and moving forward and, if both of these friendships DO fade away, that opens my soul up for whatever/whoever is supposed to come into my life next.
It just sucks in the meantime. And wow, I guess I really DID have something to say today after all.