More Intuitive Eating Journeys!

24 Sunday Feb 2013

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Middle Fork Sno RiverWell hmmm!  I unintentionally took a mid-winter break of sorts last week with no post!  As much as I relish this Sunday writing ritual (and I hope you all do too!) I do enjoy a mental break a couple of times a year.

I went on an amazing hike last Sunday – my first ever winter hike – along the middle fork of the Snoqualmie River.   From the gorgeous scenery, the patches of snow on the trail and the sounds of the beautiful rushing river below, this is a must-see.  And it’s not a super extreme kick-your-ass type of hike either.  I was glad for that.  J does quite a bit of hiking, while I in contrast have 10-year-old hiking boots I’ve probably worn 10 times or less, so I’m definitely a novice.  I’m just not a super outdoorsy person, despite living a short drive from so much to explore outside of the city and suburbs.  So it was nice doing a radical change of scenery while feeling safe and having fun with someone who knows his stuff and how to navigate the twisty turning access roads like a champ.  Who knows…I just might rediscover hiking this spring and summer!

On the Intuitive Eating front I feel like I lapsed back a bit these past couple weeks…back to my habit of unconscious eating.  Meaning, eating lunch or snacking while I’m at my desk at work, or absent-mindedly munching on pasta for dinner while on my couch watching TV.  Or inhaling a protein bar while driving to work.  Just not really paying any attention to the food itself, how it tastes or how full I’m getting.  And all of this is perfectly OK!  I know it deep down and the assurance of my coach sealed the deal.  My life has been full of lots of additional stresses and noises, and it’s only been a growing crescendo recently.  I’m wrapping up my current work engagement in T-minus 4 days while interviewing for another one.  I love the experience that interviewing provides, and I have a lot more confidence doing it this time around, whether it’s over the phone or in-person with a panel.  My work engagement was a roaring success with an amazing team…they’re gonna be a hard act to follow!  Contrast that to when I was out of work a few years ago.  I felt broken and empty. My self-confidence had taken a beating after 7 or 8 months of not working.  THIS time around it’s a different story.  It’s energizing…but exhausting.  I come home from work mentally fried after fielding an interview or two that same day.  And I haven’t been exercising as regularly as I’d hoped I would to blow off that stress.  I finally got back in the gym yesterday for the first time this year!  What a joy that the typical New Years crowds have died down!

My coach recommended a wonderful exercise to practice when I’m feeling in a whirlwind, fried and running on adrenaline. It’s 3 minutes of mindfulness…of sensing my body, where it’s touching surfaces like the floor or a chair…then noticing the sounds I hear around me…and lastly what I see.  And a few deep breaths!  That’s the high level content of the exercise and yes, it works!

I thought I’d post today about one of the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating.  Sometimes (rather, often times), writing things down helps the ideas and concepts seal into my brain. 

Principle 1:  Reject the diet mentality.  Yeah, this one’s a DOOZY, especially this first part of the year when it seems just about everyone is making resolutions to lose weight and trying all sorts of diets or cleanses and gleefully posting about them on Facebook or in water cooler chit-chat at work.  Here’s what the authors have to say about this oh-so-challeging-to-grasp first principle:

“Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily and permanently.  Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight.  If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.”

Hoo doggy…how’s THAT for a polarizing few sentences?  Flies right in the face of what most of us (well, many I know) have been taught through society expectations and peer pressure, doesn’t it?  What do YOU think about this first principle? 

Yep…”get angry at the lies.”  That’s powerful stuff!  When a diet ‘failed’ and I gained back all of the weight and then some, I immediately pointed the finger at myself, that *I* was the once who blew it.  Know what?  It was the DIET…NOT ME!  I’m really trying to get the clanging gong in my head once and for all that DIETS DON’T WORK! They are THE quickest way to short-circuit a healthy relationship with food. And like my coach says, “once you have made that mental shift, you can’t un-ring the bell.”  It reminds me a bit of the workshops I did last spring which celebrate men and women and our differences.  Talk about an illuminating new point of view!  Once you really let it sink in, there’s no going back.  Ever.

There’s much, much more about this first principle in the book…and there is a very detailed 4-step process on how to go about rejecting the diet mentality.  I promise you, this content is worth reading through several times.  We are so diet-obsessed in this society and readily identify with a choice to diet no matter what it is…and yet the Intuitive Eating process is quite often met with confusion or dismissal.  Listening to internal cues, eating what my body wants when it’s hungry…and stopping when I feel full.  How can this be so foreign and hard to grasp? 

One poster on an IE online discussion forum I peruse frequently sums it up great, with a little tongue in cheek:  “It’s hilarious that people can post about what urine they are injecting to lose weight, or what barely legal speed pill is the new miracle of weight loss, but any mention of eating according to natural hunger and you are a zealot and unacceptable.”  I love it.  And I hope she doesn’t mind me anonymously quoting her post.  It’s a gem and worth sharing.

I’m just barely turning a corner on this journey, leaving dieting behind forever.  I know this is the right path for me. 

No one knows my body better than my own body!

Anything, Anytime…Really?? Part Deux and More

10 Sunday Feb 2013

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Last week I jumped into my latest Intuitive Eating assignment…to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, whether I’m hungry or not…while being present and mindful.  For an entire week. And to notice how I feel!  As I mentioned last week, to many this might sound like a fun food vacation of sorts…a bender!  A freedom binge! Wooohoooo!  But I felt panicky and nervous, fearing I’d gain even more weight or only crave junk foods and end up malnourished.  Now, the rational part of my brain knows that one week is not going to break me in any way.  Not weight-wise or nutrition-wise.

But let me back up for a minute.  When did all this insanity about worrying about my weight, trying diets and continually failing start for me?  I remember the trigger now…like it was yesterday.

When puberty started with most of my friends, my body was one of the later ones to join in.  All of my friends were having their growth spurts, starting to wear bras, get their periods…but not me.  Was something wrong with me?  When was it going to happen for me?  I felt left behind but there was absolutely nothing I could do.  My Mom reminded me that she didn’t go through her growth spurt until she was 14 or so and that it’s hereditary.  Well, telling a 12-year-old to wait two years is a prescription for a long, painful wait.  Two years to a 12-year-old is eternity.

So…around age 14 or so, I did finally grow.  About 7-8″ in a year.  I remember going to my doctor’s office for a checkup.  I was 5′ 3″ (this is after the growth spurt) and around 103 lbs.  Still getting used to my new body, but SO relieved I’d finally grown (although I wished I could be 5 or 6 inches taller, ha ha)! 

Here’s the trigger:  my doctor took out a piece of paper and a pen and started writing down his projections on how much weight I would gain every year for the next few years as I reached my full height.  He told me I needed to start watching my weight, because according to him I would end up about 5′ 3″ or 5′ 4″ and weigh 130 lbs!  Which was too much according to the height/weight charts in his office!  I should be no more than around 120 or 125 lbs, he said.  HOLY FUCK!  I was sooo happy to be growing up, and then I get a smack down…a warning.  A pre-punishment.  Don’t ever hit the dreaded 130 lbs, I now thought!  UGH!  Something will be horribly wrong with me if I gain 27 lbs over the rest of my life!

Was this the type of ‘responsibility’ I would have as a teen and as a woman, to watch my weight?  I guess I thought it was!  And when a voice of authority tells you this you internalize it deeply.  He’s a doctor – he’s been my doctor since I was a baby.  Doctors are smart people.  I should listen to everything he says and do it and not question it.  So…I didn’t. 

A few days later my folks took my brothers and me out for ice cream.  We did this occasionally as a special treat…and I LOVE ice cream!  But I remembered my doctor’s words to ‘watch my weight,’ and, with tears in my eyes in the store, decided not to have any ice cream.  I sat there in the store and felt so weird and ashamed.  Maybe this is what it meant to watch my weight – to say no to a scoop of ice cream I really wanted?

So whooomp there it is.  From then on, my fear of weight gain became a clanging gong in my head.  Is this a kind of a morphed self-fulfilling prophecy?  What I feared eventually became reality for me?  Help me out here, psychology-oriented readers!

I felt happy and proud about last week’s assignment to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  But when I had my phone coaching session, I was told I was being too restrictive.  I was only eating when I was hungry, which resulted in a more grazing or snacking way of eating.  I liked how I didn’t have that hunger pain and light headed feeling I would typically get between 4 and 5pm at work. 

What are my FORBIDDEN foods, she asked me.  I could only muster up an answer like granola, because I’ve always been told to avoid it because it’s high in fat.  But I DID have a bowl or two during the previous week and felt satisfied!  Where am I still being judgmental about what I eat when I write about it in here?  Honestly I am probably too close and emotionally attached to my feelings and my words to see it.  Could it be where I unconsciously applauded myself on only taking a couple spoonfuls of risotto from the food bar for lunch, rather than thinking “hey, I ate risotto today and felt great”?  Maybe that’s it!

When we finished our phone session I was exhausted.  I felt sad and angry.  I felt like I had done a great job over the past week with my eating assignment, but internalized the feedback as ‘you’re doing it wrong again, fivenineteen.’  Fuck, I  hate that stupid voice in my head!  I learned that before I can achieve my longer-term goal of normalizing my weight, that I might actually gain some weight over the next few months during this process.  And how would I feel about that eh?  Oh good Lord, I choked up inside.  Gain even MORE weight? That horrifies me.  She and I talked through this…and I’ll spare you the details but trust me it was emotional and scary. 

I know way deep down on a practical level that this intuitive eating process is going to reset my body into knowing it CAN have any food any time it wants.  It’s not going to starve (which is what the body thinks is happening to it when we diet).  But that practical info and how I’m feeling about potentially gaining more weight still has a deep crevasse between it.  How do I bridge this?  Do I build a “mental” bridge to understand this more…or just take a running leap off the edge of the crevasse and hope I land on the other side, whether it’s on my feet or a funny belly flop?  Can I truly leave behind the feelings I got instilled in me circa 1981 from those words from my doctor?  Truly once and for all?

I have such a deep hunger (no pun intended) to understand so many things around me.  Well, not everything, but I am naturally curious.  On the flip side, I have no desire to understand how my car works.  It gets me safely from point A to point B and I make sure it’s maintained properly. I don’t know exactly what is done when they change the oil or check the tire pressure and I don’t care to know…I only know it’s good to do it.  I don’t have any desire to understand how my digestive system works.  Well, maybe on a high level, but not at the molecular/chemical level.  Never was much into biology.  But yet I’ve been told I have a tendency to ‘clue out’ on certain things.  I miss key points.  This just leaves me feeling frustrated and angry.  How is my need to understand things either empowering or disempowering me through this intuitive eating journey?  Well, I suppose it could be disempowering.  Intuitive eating is not a diet.  And it’s so goddamn hard to try to explain that to people, especially this time of year when people are still holding onto new years resolutions to diet or do cleanses, etc.   And how diet-obsessed we are as a society any time of year, really.

Instinctively I want to know…how long is this process going to take?  And oh, I now may have to take a step *backwards* and gain more weight in the short-term?  Yeah, I felt ‘backwards’ in my brain so I wrote that word down; I don’t do a lot of editing when I write in here.  But maybe gaining some additional weight isn’t a step backwards at all…maybe it’s just…a step!  I’ll have to keep working on that one for sure.

So are you wondering what I’ve been eating this past week?  Here we go.

What are my truly forbidden foods?  Maybe I’ve unconsciously been rejecting them so hard for so long that I’ve blocked them out of my mind without even recognizing it anymore!  How can I think about this without over-thinking  it?  Hmmm…OK here’s a few.  Deep fried foods like tempura or KFC.  Super processed foods like velveeta cheese or beef jerky.  French fries.  Red licorice.  And drum roll….FAST FOOD!!  Aha!  I realized the fast food dealio after I’d gotten home from work and the grocery store.  Let me tell you about the grocery store this time around!

I walk down aisles I rarely ever walk down.  Looking at candy, cookies and crackers.  What jumps out at me?  I fill my basket with smoked sausage sticks (kind of like beef jerky…I love sausage), pesto-flavored bagels (which I will toast and smear with cream cheese oh yeahhhh), more sliced pepperoni and a piece of berry-flavored cheesecake.  Then the movie-theatre style of popcorn, which I will drizzle with melted butter.  Pickles!  Huge, dill pickles!  Starburst candies!  YES! 

Meanwhile, I have never farted so potently and so frequently in my life.  Good grief on Friday afternoon at work I was a putt-putt-puttin’ motorboat.  Thankfully I had very few meetings that day and wouldn’t risk my co-workers keeling over getting downwind of me!

Friday night dinner…glorious mac and cheese with white cheddar.  I started off with some sausage sticks (there’s the esophagus burning but so worth it).  And some cheese puffs.  A pickle while the pasta was boiling and another after dinner.  Then popcorn with butter later in the evening!

Saturday morning breakfast…V8 juice and berry-filled cheesecake!  Afternoon goodness:   I rotate between the cheesecake, pickles, sausage sticks and some pepperoni slices with cream cheese.  So what else is on my personal forbidden foods list?

Ahhh…ice cream!  I never keep it in the freezer anymore on purpose.  But I picked up some Ben & Jerry’s…when was the last time I had ice cream like this?  Delicious. And then I DID IT.  Funny how there is a McDonald’s and a Dairy Queen each within walking distance from my house.  I’ve always had this proud feeling that after living here a decade I had never EVER set foot in either of those places.  OK, one time I had a Blizzard though.  So as I was driving up to the McDonald’s I felt kind of tingly and nervous.  This was a funny feeling actually and it surprised me!  I’m not feeling very hungry at all but that quarter pounder goes down so smooth and tastes SO good.  Yep, that’s a forbidden food alright!  Oh and the fries too. 

I feel proud I’ve realized what else is on my forbidden foods list besides granola!  And I’ve eaten a few of them…yeah I felt a little guilty but not regretful.  Sure I felt a little bloated yesterday but I woke up today feeling great.  Not with the typical hunger pangs that wake me when I sleep in on the weekends.

Sunday morning breakfast and grazing…more Ben & Jerry’s some V8 juice and the cheese puffs.  Oh and pepperoni slices with cream cheese.  These all taste sooo good.  I feel a little weird but feel happy! 

I trust this process, I trust this process…ergh but I’m still fighting off the weird feelings.  And trying to explain this to friends or others not on this journey?  Well, that’s fodder for another post.

Anything, Anytime…Really?

03 Sunday Feb 2013

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Panic. Terror. Anxiety.  When I got my latest ‘homework’ during my second Intuitive Eating phone coaching session on Thursday, I freaked out.  It was like drawing a mental blank…my mind couldn’t compute what I was hearing.  I could envision nothing but a black, dark void.

My homework?  For one week, eat anything you want, whether you are hungry or not.  The only caveat is to be 100% PRESENT and MINDFUL to what you are eating.  And notice how you feel!  Gah!!

But I promised to commit myself 150% to this process.  To be ready to transform myself and bust free of dieting hell and the yo-yo weight gains and losses I’ve sustained over the past nearly 20 years (eek, that’s nearly half my life!).  I’ve conditioned myself to only eat carbs during dinner (a la the Carbohydrate Addicts diet) which I’ve attempted twice, each time gaining back the weight I lost and then some.  Yep, that ‘carbs only at dinner’ mindset is tattooed in my brain, and I still beat myself up mentally when I stray. I’m learning that I could actually be unconsciously dieting without even thinking about it!  Oh dear, what a smothering, vicious cycle this is!

So.  With this week-long experiment the idea is to quiet my mind (yeah, good luck with that).  Quiet my mind and instead listen to what my body says it needs.

To some this might sound like HOT DAMN, HOO DOGGY…woohooo!!  For me it was terrifying.  And still is – I’m just a few days into it.  What am I afraid of?  Honestly, I’m afraid of gaining even more weight.  I’m afraid of bingeing and feeling like I’ve eaten too much and “should” slow down or stop.  I’m afraid my body will only crave unhealthy foods and I’ll end up malnourished.

But, I dove right in.  They say to do one thing a day that scares you, right?  This is definitely it!  So below is a peek of my food journal.  I started this experiment February 1.  Ahh, there’s something nice about a new calendar page and a new start.  The timing was fantastic.

February 1:  Breakfast was a morning food “Gulp,” (not what I would call breakfast):  a chunk of cheddar cheese.  I feel rushed and stressed and not necessarily hungry as I’m trying to get out the door and in the car to drive to work.  I force the cheese down; it’s at an earlier time of morning I’m not usually eating, but I force it down because I’m worried I’ll feel hungrier later in the mid morning which is my prime-time for more difficult tasks at work and meetings.

Mid morning snack:  Dried squares of seaweed, flavored with salt and sesame oil…YUM.  I feel zing-y inside and nourished, energized.  Light.

Lunch:  I head over to the large eating area on our company campus.  They have an incredible variety of food choices, including a hot food bar which I really enjoy.  I pick up 1 large meatball with seasonings.  It looks hearty but the meat is really pink and undercooked inside so I stop after a bite.  Disappointed.  I also got a couple of squares of portabella mushroom ravioli.  I feel a little guilty eating carbs and cream sauce during lunchtime but it’s so rich tasting.  Eating slowly to savor the taste.  And a couple scoops of barley risotto.  I love the crunch and nutty texture which is different from the ravioli.  I feel full and don’t finish the second spoonful.

Afternoon snack:  Sea salt and vinegar potato chips.  I took a few moments to inhale the aroma in the bag – the vinegar scent makes me feel energized.  I’m not very hungry but I eat a few anyway.  Next a handful of raw, unsalted almonds.  I was starting to feel low on energy but I felt full still.  The afternoon energy drop I typically experience between 4 and 5pm was not as severe as it’s been when I’ve eaten low/no carb lunches.

Evening of 2/01:  I’m not really feeling super famished – this is great!  I go to the grocery store and don’t feel freaked out (I hate the feeling of being at the grocery store when you’re hungry).  I purchase a couple of containers of Greek yogurt, on-the-vine tomatoes, more of those dried seaweed snacks with sesame oil flavor, pesto, gum, sour cream, chips, organic mac & cheese, sushi for tonight and some beer.  Around 9pm I eat the sushi…it’s brown rice style with sashimi and I mix the wasabi with some spicy wasabi-infused soy sauce in my fridge.  YUM.  I feel elated and full of energy…love the spicy flavors and the seafood!  The rice makes me feel satisfied and not bloated.

Saturday February 2:  I don’t eat anything until 11am.  I was hosting our annual HOA meeting at my townhouse and was feeling excited to see everyone and a little anxious too.

After the meeting I had a piece of cheddar cheese and three huge glasses of V8 juice.  I feel alive and happy, like the juice is nourishing me!  And few small slices of spicy pepperoni.  My stomach feels a little irritated and my esophagus burns a little, but I like it.  Then around 1pm I had a sudden hunger urge.  I found a small serving of leftover pasta and vodka cream sauce in a Tupperware in the fridge. About 2-3 bites. I ate it cold.  Just what I needed!  I feel happy.

I later went to the PCC near my house.  I’m always endlessly fascinated with the variety of foods they carry!  I was in search of primrose oil capsules (they’re supposed to help stabilize PMS cravings and mitigate breast tenderness, among other things), chocolate mousse, organic butter on sale, cilantro lime spread and some live raw bars.  Then I went to my favorite spa for a long-overdue waxing appointment.  Time to get the eyebrows shaped and tinted too…I’m back in job hunting mode bigtime and need to get cleaned up to look my best for interviews!   I got there early and went to the Starbucks across the street to get a nonfat latte.  The lemon pound cake inside the pastry case literally jumped out at me – I need a piece!  I ate about half of it in very small bites.  It made me feel alive and happy.

Dinner:  I am hungry and want mac & cheese.  It’s 5:30pm and I instinctively think OMG no, it’s too early to start dinner.  I start a load of laundry instead.  Then it’s 6:00 and I say fuck it, I’m hungry, let’s start the water boiling.  I made a full box of mac & cheese and ate about 1/3 of it with some shredded mozzarella cheese on top (cheese on top of cheese LOL). I feel happy and full!  The rest goes in the Tupperware for another time.  I had some chips with that cilantro lime spread as a dip later in the evening.  And a couple spoonfuls of the chocolate mousse.  Delighted!

Sunday February 3:  It felt wonderful sleeping in a little later (11am).  I was feeling thirsty so I grabbed a big glass of water and took my typical round of supplements (which now includes the evening primrose oil).  Was I feeling hungry?  Yes, a little bit…so I grabbed some pomegranate-flavored Greek yogurt and had a big glass of V8 juice.  I feel full and a little bloated after finishing the glass of juice – maybe I drank it too quickly.  I love the flavor though!

I came back from running errands and am suddenly hungry again!  So I have a few small bites of the leftover mac & cheese from last night.  I feel guilty about doing that!   And a glass of water.  About an hour later I’m not feeling particularly hungry but I really want one of the raw bars I purchased yesterday.  It’s a chocolate/coconut flavor and it’s delicious!  Now I’m full again.

So, as you can see this is still a very new process for me. Food and my weight are very emotional to me, but it’s hard for me to put those emotions into words, whether on the phone with my coach or in writing here.  So I’ll keep working on it and not beating myself up if I’m not ‘doing it right’ (compared to WHAT, right??)

I vow to reject the diet mentality…saying goodbye and GOOD RIDDANCE to 15+ years of trying/failing at Carbohydrate Addicts, by losing and re-gaining 30-35 lbs each time.  I need to envision shedding the dieting mentality like when an animal molts.  They grow, transform and gleefully walk away from their old skin.  It doesn’t fit and doesn’t suit me any longer!

Honoring Thy Hunger…the Intuitive Eating Journey Begins

27 Sunday Jan 2013

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This past Thursday was my first phone coaching session in Intuitive Eating principles.  This is another one of those moments where I feel like I’ve jumped off the platform and am flying through the air, knowing and trusting the trapeze bar or the strong, trusted hands of a partner will be there to catch me at just the right time.  Scary and exhilarating. 

Lots of you who tune in here regularly know that I made a vow to myself awhile back after I finished college.  As an adult I would never let myself get close-minded.  I would always be open to considering trying new things.  From hockey to starting a jewelry business, training to run 5Ks, making a shift to contract/consulting work, joining online discussion groups and taking workshops for personal growth. Oh, and starting this blog back in late 2009.  Those are just a few things the past decade has brought – what’s shaped me.  Not too shabby a progress report I’d say!

What a segue…shape.  Have I made peace with my own body shape?  Yes, somewhat.  But I’m packing around much more weight than is healthy for me (see my rude awakening post last week which brought me to sobs).  I scratch my head and wonder.  Beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder.  I think about men I’ve had relationships with over the years.  When I was at my thinnest the guy I was dating at the time had pretty much zero interest in having sex with me.  Huh?  Strange.  And since I’ve packed on some poundage in the last couple of years it didn’t seem to bother the guy I briefly dated a couple of years ago who never knew me when I was a lot slimmer, or the guy I’ve been on a handful of dates with just this month.  Can Intuitive Eating really help me get my weight normalized?  That’s my ultimate goal, but, as I’m learning, Intuitive Eating is NOT a quick fix.  And it’s NOT a diet.  There are no recipes or suggested meal plans in this book at all.  This philosophy is part of the anti-diet movement (go online and you’ll find tons of material about this topic).

Diets don’t work!  Maybe for the short-term, but not necessarily for the long-term.  And I can only speak from personal experience here.  I tried the online version of Weight Watchers a few years ago and gave up after about a month.  I felt constrained by the points system they use.  I don’t mind structure and boundaries, but it was too much for me to handle and I immediately rebelled.  Perhaps if I’d done the in-person method rather than online I would have had better success and support, but I don’t have any interest in trying it again.  I’ve done the Carbohydrate Addicts diet.  Twice, actually.  This was the only diet I ever really stuck with, as it didn’t make you cut out carbs.  With that diet, you only eat carbs during one meal, usually dinner.  And finish within an hour.  I liked this method because I could still enjoy pasta, bread or chips if I wanted…if I waited until dinner.  I’m very much against plans that cut out certain types of foods.  I think our bodies were designed to be fueled by a variety.  Now, I’m not against cutting out things like meat, dairy or gluten for ethical reasons or because of allergies say to gluten or dairy.  I do have a variety of cookbooks specializing in Raw Food, the Paleo/Primal lifestyle and Vegan cooking.  All endlessly fascinating! 

But, in the end, none of what I’ve tried has worked for the long haul.  The IE book covers so many fascinating topics…such as how we were all born intuitive eaters, but often times something changes in our childhood.  Body image issues, peer pressure…so many things start to get in the way of how we were naturally programmed to eat.  I’m just through the first few chapters of this book and I love it.  But the material IS a paradigm shift.  It requires concentration, focus…and being open-minded to its principles.

I’m practicing listening to my body and what it needs.  Honoring my hunger…and stopping when I feel full.  This is like learning a new dance step.  In reading this book so far, I’ve learned I’m an unconscious eater.  I likely eat more than I need to because I don’t pay attention to the signals my body is full or getting full.  I’m usually doing something else when I’m eating, like watching TV or at my desk at work on my laptop.  I’ve rarely ever sat down at my dining room table, by myself, no TV on and no computer/phone nearby and eaten a meal.  It just seems silly, strange and inefficient…and too quiet…I could just as easily be watching a great TV show or catching up on my emails and texts!

So there’s much more excitement and learning ahead.  I already know this is going to be an emotional journey.  I’ve never talked about my true, deep relationship with food out loud in depth with anyone before so it’s going to be weird, but I trust my friend implicitly.  And I feel I’ve failed my body in letting it get to this size, which ties into the woe-is-me-I’m-still-single-this-must-be-why downward spiral.  Not pretty but it’s my truth right now.  It’s very painful going down that slippery slope of thoughts. 

They’re all tied together, so when any one of them turns sad, they all get pulled into an emotional riptide.

Opposite Anorexic

21 Monday Jan 2013

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I’ve read how people with anorexia can have a very distorted body image when they look in the mirror.  They may be painfully, dangerously thin but see a fat person looking back at them in the mirror.

I have the opposite problem.  I’m no string bean and have always struggled with my weight, but I’ve always thought I looked good in the mirror.  In proportion and relatively fit.  Great smile and great skin.  I love my hair too…well, most days.  Sure over the years a few crinkles and grey hairs have popped up, and that double chin keeps trying to pop back in.  And the pounds.  Over the years I’ve learned to embrace how I’m built.  I’ll never be 6 feet tall with mile-long legs nor will I have deep, olive skin that tans. [As a kid I wanted to grow up to be Cher!!  No kidding!].  And in my adulthood my style icon is/was the late, great Carolyn Bessette Kennedy.  Once again, my style icon is tall.  But I got blessed with a 5′ 4″ body complete with short legs (this is why I mostly wear heels), pale skin that doesn’t tan…and curves.  Even when I was at my leanest a few years ago, I was a curvy size 6.  With a tiny waist and all.

So, there’s a huge difference between looking in the mirror and seeing yourself in pictures.  I now cringe at pictures and try to not be the one front and center in full view.  I feel wonderful, happy, sexy and blessed…and yet in pictures I see this large girl very out of proportion to most others around me.  I look huge!  I started having this realization that I was not the size I perceived myself to be when I went shopping last summer for a trip to Kansas City.  No wonder I hardly shop for clothes anymore and spend my money on great accessories like shoes, purses, jewelry and sunglasses!  Accessories don’t care what size you are!

And last weekend I did something I haven’t done in about two years.  I got on the scale.  It’s been staring at me in the guest bathroom whenever I’m in there, taunting me.  When I was losing weight and doing lots of walking about 9 (eesh going on 10) years ago, I’d weigh myself daily every morning and take the weekly averages of my weight and plot it on a graph.  I loved this method, for you could easily trend your weight loss over time, and not freak out about a pound or two weight gain on the daily weigh-ins.  Our weight fluctuates up and down all the time, which is why I am opposed to weekly weigh-ins.  You don’t get the full story.

So last weekend there it was, that number staring back at me:  199.5 lbs.  Holy fuck.  I shlumped to the floor and sobbed.  How in the hell could this happen???  I can’t possibly weigh that much, right??  I’m only 5’4″ (1.6m)!!  FUCK!!  FUCK!! FUCK!! Oh and that’s about 90.5 kg for my metric readers.

I’m still in shock and horror reading this.  I know I’m not skinny.  I can wear (US) size 14 clothes most of the time and carry them off fairly well, but my tiny waist is long gone.  I can row 5000m in under 30 minutes!  I can lift weights! I’m no lazy ass…right?  What the hell happened?  Well, blame it on the 40-something decade, but that’s just an excuse.  About 5 years ago I went on the Pill after finding a new doctor, having started a new relationship too.  Oh, and a new job.  Turns out I was batting zero with all 3 after less than a year but that’s OK…not all of our paths go the way we want them to.  I remember being reluctant to go back on the Pill because of the potential for weight gain, but I was assured the hormone levels were far lower than when I took the Pill 25+ years ago as a teen to help regulate my periods.

But nope, I blew up like a balloon.  The Pill was one of the dumbest most recent decisions I’ve made and I’ll never, ever do it again.

Now I’m stuck with a legacy I can’t shake and the pounds have crept up big time.  I think I was around 170-175 lbs at my heaviest a few years ago (at least from what I know, when I weighed myself).

So what to do?  WELL, the Universe has once again served up exactly what’s needed when it’s needed.  I’m going to start meeting weekly with a friend who is going through an intensive program to become a weight loss coach, specializing in Intuitive Eating.  I’m going to be her guinea pig as she practices coaching me!  This is going to be a wonderful journey and I’m super excited she reached out to suggest this! Thrilled! Going in with an open mind and the dial on 10.

Now, I’m a Taurus, so I take my food VERY seriously…it’s a sensual pleasure.  I love eating out and trying new foods.  I love pretty much any food save for super strong curries and Brussel sprouts.  I love grocery shopping and browsing cookbooks.  Great food, drink and conversation feed my soul.  So any super restrictive diety-diets are only good for the short-term and will leave me deprived, hungry and angry.  Or not even wanting to try them at all.

So my next few posts may likely document how things are progressing through this Intuitive Eating program, but it won’t be my sole focus in here.  Fivenineteen.org is eclectic just like her author, so keep on expecting variety as always.

And if you have a topic you’d like me to blog about, please feel free to message me!

Staying Healthy in 2013…Part Two!

13 Sunday Jan 2013

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Seems like new years always start off with a bang…a burst of change on top of renewed activity…exciting!  I woke up this morning just feeling happy. Content. Invigorated, and full of smiles. 

My current work engagement got extended through the end of February and I couldn’t be happier!  And wheels are in motion with interviewing and networking.  I had a phone screen on Friday and have another one at a different company later this week.  Even if nothing pans out from a phone screen, they’re still invaluable to me.  Why?  I call them Practice. 

And it’s icy, sunny and sparkly outside.  Magical.  I wish I’d snapped a pic of the blue and peach sunset across the street a few minutes ago – the sky is now fading to a waning pink shot through with grey.  And soon…blackness – with tons of stars.  If we can keep to this and not get socked in with a ton of rain this will be an ideal winter!

Gotta hand it to our Seattle Seahawks for a helluva comeback today against Atlanta…just shy of heading to the NFC conference championship.  We were down 27-14 at start of the 4th quarter…and scored two touchdowns!  But that last Atlanta field goal ended it.  Phenonmenal job, gentlemen.  We’ve got a young team and lots more on tap next season!

So, with all that’s whirling around so far this year, I’m remembering to relax and breathe.  To create space – an aura of calmness and serenity that’s joyfully, blissfully all mine while I passionately soak up the excitement all around me.

And to follow-up on last week’s post which was mostly about staying healthy with my favorite nutritional supplements and sunscreens, one other commitment I’m re-making (is that a word?) to better health is with exercise.  I’m still blown away that I need 7 hours of exercise a week to be at my very best based on a workshop I took last fall.  And a little overwhelmed figuring out how to cram that into a busy week!  If I could walk to work or get outside for a walk or light run during the day while I’m at work that would really help me get that time in.  But that hasn’t been a reality in over two decades.  When I worked in downtown Seattle and had a full, genuine lunch hour early on in my career I would bring walking shoes and do ‘urban hiking’ at lunch, exploring all the buildings around me, going up and down elevators, discovering good “rainy-day routes” by finding underground pedestrian tunnels, the best delis, etc.

Here are my current favorite forms of exercise!

Rowing.  As in the rowing machine at the gym.  I fell in love with this last fall thanks to getting inspired by my trainer B, who took the time to show me how to use the equipment and the proper form.  I can’t say enough how much I love it…it’s such a great alternative to the treadmill and is a more all-around overall body workout too.  I carry tension and the weight of the world in my neck and upper shoulders, and rowing melts it all away.  And I can now row 5000m in under 30 minutes!!  28:35 was my personal best so far!

But I make a point to avoid my gym the first part of January.  It’s too overcrowded with the new years crowd for a few weeks and hard to get on equipment right away.  So in the meantime I’m spicing up my routine with other things such as…

Walking. As in outside, bundled up.  Bring on the glorious icy air and sunshine!  Thankfully it’s been relatively dry, so getting outside for a walk doesn’t mean a lot of ice.  There have been a few problems but nothing major.  On Saturday I met up with my friend L who I had not seen in probably 10 months or so.  How fabulous to reconnect with her in the sunshine and get caught up! I swear walking outside in colder weather burns more calories…well, that’s my theory at least.

Workout DVDs.  I blew the dust off my Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred DVD, found my 5 and 8 lb handweights and got back to it.  Sadly it’s been a couple of years since I worked out to this DVD, but check out my old post in the link for the scoop.  These are 20 minute workouts, no bullshit.  You move the entire time and do not stop.  It seems deceptively easy, but by the time you’re into the second of the three 6-minute circuits your lungs and/or muscles will be burnin’.  And that’s good – that’s where the changes happen!  The 30-day shred DVD is currently on Amazon.com for $8.99 – an absolute steal.  It has 3 levels of circuit training.  And I think I’m going to alternate between levels 1, 2 and 3 to keep the variety going.  You’re supposed to do level 1 for 10 days, then level 2 for 10 days, etc, but for me that will get boring.  Holy shit, I did level 3 today for the first time and will be on fire tomorrow.  Maybe that will make level 1 seem not quite so tough the next time I try it.

What are YOUR surefire hits for staying fit, long after the New Years resolutions have faded?  I’d love to hear from you!

Staying Healthy in 2013!

07 Monday Jan 2013

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healthyHappy New Year, everyone!  I’m super-duper excited about this year and the promise of what’s ahead.  Can you feel the energy with me?  Everyone I’ve talked with and whom I’ve had the opportunity to see in person and hug with a New Year welcome so far feels it too!  I love it.  The hope and potential is boundless. Always…not only in early January but also on our ho-hum days in April and September, long after new year’s resolutions have likely faded grey.

Now, as some of you might already know, typically for the last decade or so I write off the first week of January health-wise.  Because I’m usually sick as a dog…down for the count with some sort of cold and/or flu.  With zero energy and zero appetite.  It doesn’t matter whether I’ve had a flu shot or not. Some years I get the flu even after getting a flu shot, and sometimes I don’t even without a shot.  What a crapshoot!  [For the record, I did not get a flu shot this year…and crossing fingers it’s January 7-8 and all is well.]

If I recall correctly, January 2012 was fairly healthy.  Take a look at last year’s posts and let me know what you think!  I remember getting snowed in for a week and having to work from home.  Oh boy, bring on the cabin fever!  This week we might get a little snow as well.  If it’s going to snow at all and stick around here in the Seattle area, it’s January and February for sure.

2013 is focused on my passion for increased health, fitness and wellness.  That might sound a bit overly cliché and cheesy for New Year’s goals, but I’m OK with that.  I know way deep down it will be my reality.  I had already gotten many wheels in motion (no pun intended) last fall with overall fitness.  Such as working out with a personal trainer and rowing at the gym.  I’ve worked hard on my goal of rowing 5000m in under 30 minutes and I’ve finally done it TWICE!  28:35 was my most recent time back in December – woot woot!  I can’t run a 5K anywhere near that pace (yet!) but it sure feels good to row it on a medium-weight resistance setting.  It’s a great alternative to the treadmill – which doesn’t take care of any work-related tension in my neck, shoulders and upper back, much less do any upper body muscle toning.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted about health and beauty products…so here we go (again!)  I’ll go left to right in the picture up top:

Nutritional Supplements:  they say eating right is ideal, but I think we can all use a boost.  How many of us truly eat balanced meals every single day?  With our busy, on-the-go lifestyles?  I suppose many of you out there do, and my hat is off.  I just know that supplements can go a long way in keeping the immune system boosted year ’round.  At far left in the picture is the Ocean Essentials capsules from NutriLite.  These are Omega-3 softgels, 90 per bottle.  Great for heart health, blood flow and lipid levels!  I really like these because the capsules are small to medium-sized and easy to swallow.  There is a very faint fish smell and aftertaste (not surprising) but I think that’s only noticeable to me (or so I hope!).  After about an hour (and maybe a stick of chewing gum) it goes away. NutriLite offers other supplements containing concentrated nutrients from fruits and vegetables, plus others with anti-oxidants.  I don’t have any of those in the picture right now, as refills are on the way!  But both are highly recommended.  Each are also very easy to swallow…not too large and well-shaped.

Green Coffee Bean extract:  Who hasn’t heard about this craze?  With no caffeine buzz?  I admit I got swept up with quite a few friends’ raves about this product last fall and how they were able to lose up to 3 lbs a week.  That has not been my record to date, but I don’t think they could hurt.  Plus, I have not taken them on a consistent basis as recommended. Actually, the only thing that hurt was ordering them through Evolution Slimming, and I only say that because I’m on this side of the pond.  The fantastically helpful and nice people at Evolution Slimming are based out of the UK, so the shipping was slow and tedious given this is a food/supplement type of product so I’m sure the customs clearance process took awhile.  And I had to go physically drive to my post office to pick up the package as it was sent registered mail.  No problem overall, but a little time-consuming. 

Next up we’re back with NutriLite’s Slimmetry supplements.  This supplement is designed to suppress your appetite in a healthy way if you take a few prior to each meal.  Again, I don’t do this on a routine basis, but I do notice a difference when I consciously take 2-3 pills prior to breakfast or lunch.  I don’t feel the cravings quite as much between meals!  And they are also very easy to swallow, shaped well to go down easily. 

Moisturizer!  With sunscreen!  People, I can’t stress enough how essential daily sunscreen is! I don’t care if it’s cloudy or dark out…if you’re fair-skinned like me (or even if you’re not), you will thank me for this later.  And it’s never too late to start.  I wear a moisturizer with SPF every single day under my makeup (which also, usually, has sunscreen depending upon which brand I’m wearing).  I’ve used Neutrogena’s Healthy Skin Alpha Hydroxy lotion with SPF 15 for several years (on and off – switching between brands sometimes) and I always come back to it.  It disappears into my skin quickly, meaning it doesn’t leave my skin feeling oily and leaves it ready for liquid foundation and primer.  Note that alpha hydroxy lotions can sting a little at first until your skin gets used to them, especially on your face, so definitely avoid the eye area and alternate it with other lotions every few days at first.  You’ll also want to try this lotion on your arms, hands and elbows – expect amazing results!  I find it easily at my local Bartell’s or Rite Aid drugstores, but I see it’s no longer on Neutrogena’s website (which is why the link above is on Amazon.com).  I hope it doesn’t get discontinued any time soon!

Next up is my first official beauty splurge of 2013:  La Roche-Posay Anthelios sunscreen fluid with SPF 50.  I happened to be browsing an issue of Allure magazine and this popped up as a favorite product of 2012.  So I ordered it on a total random whim and so far I’m super happy with it.  Lightweight AND SPF 50? Sign me up!  I wear it under my makeup primer and liquid foundation and it doesn’t feel heavy at all.  It’s pricey ($32.95 for 1.7 oz compared with approx. $14 for Neutrogena’s 2.5 oz alpha hydroxy), but I’m very happy so far.  The true test will be how much “a little goes a long way” or not, just like with any other more costly beauty product.

Fragrance?  Well I have a large stash of them, but my newest favorite is L’Occitane’s The Vert (green tea) solid perfume.  I can’t find this scent in solid perfume anywhere on their official website any longer, but if you can find it elsewhere it’s well worth it.  It comes in a tin like a lip balm, and the scent is clean and fresh.  It’s impossible to overdo it!  This scent DOES keep me healthy.  The green tea aroma is powerful (yet gentle), soothing, healing and builds strength within me.

What else beyond products?  Well, the magenta scarf wrapped around the picture is another essential.  Keeping my neck and throat area protected and warm while commuting and walking between buildings for meetings at work during the rainy/cold seasons is essential to staying healthy.  Us Taureans’ throats are especially vulnerable and should always be protected from cold weather to ensure our health!  I enjoy my small but fabulous wardrobe of colorful pashmina scarves and wraps…a nice pop of color to punch up my typical wardrobe of grey, dark denim and black.

Sleep?  Exercise?  Yes and Yes!  After last fall’s workshop, I learned what the contents of my own personal operating manual are!  Right down to how much sleep and how much exercise I need!  7 hours a night and 7 hours per week, respectively…to be at my optimum self.  I can try going to bed a little earlier (as hard as it can be) to get more sleep, but how the hell can I get in an hour of exercise a day, every day these days?  I used to walk 5 miles a day, every day 9 years ago around my neighborhood (which was about 90 minutes, including hills).  How can I recreate that?  I truly was in the best shape of my life after 6 months of that (35 lbs dropped off)…and that was before joining the gym I currently belong to. 

So that’s what’s on tap for now.  Getting to bed an hour earlier AND squeezing in daily exercise (rather than 3-4 times a week) will be challenging, but I am determined!  Stay tuned for more!

2012 in review…Looking back and looking forward!!

30 Sunday Dec 2012

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WOW!  Here we are on the cusp of another glorious flip of the calendar year – 2012 has been so amazing and transforming in so many ways…and I can’t wait to discover what 2013 has in store – she’s right around the corner! 

The nice people at WordPress pulled together a cool report of fivenineteen.org’s activity this past year – check it out below and let me know what you think! 

Whether you follow along here regularly or have just stumbled in here on accident – my sincerest thank you to each of you. 

Welcome, and welcome back.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Martinis Make Me Snore…

23 Sunday Dec 2012

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edgewaterLeave it to my dear friend D to turn FIFTY – THE BIG 5-0 – on the “end of the world” (December 21)!  And to pull together a fabulous celebration with friends in style!

And how fabulous was it to shut off the laptop, wrap up the work conference call (while on the road heading into Seattle) and just focus on FUN.  Normally this time of year is super quiet at work.  Most people are on vacation or working from home, checking messages very infrequently.  That’s not how it’s been for us at ALL.  We’ve got a big product launch next month and we’ve been on an intense schedule since mid November.  Man, it’s been crazy like this for over a month!  As much as I love my team and what we’re doing, I’m ready for a break!

I woke up Friday morning with a huge smile on my face.  It’s the end of the world…and we’re still here!  One weird thing:  I have a small clock in my master vanity with a swinging pendulum.  The pendulum had completely stopped swinging overnight.  But the clock was still ticking and keeping time perfectly.  Hmmm!!  I know it’s the energy of the Solstice.  It’s that solid, THUD-like energy you can feel on that day if you breathe really deeply. Breathe through the darkness.  The stillness.  I felt it for sure.  It’s those deep rhythms of the changing seasons.  And it almost feels like a slightly heavier gravity pull.

It could not have been a more glorious solstice. As I was heading over the bridge into Seattle, I saw the beautiful colors of the early sunset and the sky was glowing.  THIS is the promise…the promise of more light ahead – brighter days.  And what a bonus it wasn’t raining!

First stop:  the famous Edgewater Hotel.  Right smack on Elliott Bay.  Yep, the one where you can fish right out of your window.  Where the Beatles stayed back in the day.  This is THE only waterfront hotel in Seattle…and it’s a must-visit the next time you are here.  It’s very lodge-y feeling and cozy. River rock decor everywhere.  Warm, luxurious and unpretentious.  Did you know this hotel was built in 1962 in anticipation of the Worlds Fair? Hey, the same year D was born, ha.

We checked into our rooms, had a cocktail toast and the 10 of us got whisked off to Cuoco for dinner.  Any Tom Douglas restaurant is a major hit in my book, and I couldn’t wait to try this one!  It’s delicious northern Italian cuisine.  The mezzaluna pasta with butternut squash is heaven on a plate.  Savory but light.  And this is where the Ketel One martinis started flowing.

cakeOne of D’s friends made her birthday cake from scratch.  4-layer red velvet decorated with fresh roses.  Exquisite!  And the shiny thing next to it?  That’s the Long Lei….a chain of 44 chocolate kisses and 6 condoms.  I think everyone got to wear the Long Lei at some point throughout the evening.  It was long enough for two people to wear it at the same time!

We headed back to the Edgewater and up to the Six Seven lounge.  This is another part of your must-do-in-Seattle list.  The views of the water, the ferry boats and looking back at the city are stunning.  So is the food and service.  A few more friends joined us, and I vaguely remember heading back to the room a couple of times for a Veuve Clicquot toast, loudly cheering as we popped the champagne corks right out the window.  By the time the evening was over it was 3:00am and we were all back in D’s room laughing so hard. 

Most of this group goes back to high school years or earlier.  So you can imagine the hilarious stories and memories flying around.  I loved it.  I feel very blessed and fortunate to know D and to get to know her friends in the process as well.   I’m the new kid to this circle, having only known her a little over a year! 

The Motrin worked!  I crawled out of bed the next morning with no hangover.  Just no voice.  Although while we were eating breakfast back in D’s room, I casually asked my roommate P if I snored.  She said I sure did and she had to put in her earplugs!  Oh my God!  I laughed but felt a little mortified too.  Do I really snore all the time?  No, it couldn’t be…it’s gotta be the martinis and champagne.

Right?

Check Your Gut and the Email Addy, Yo

22 Saturday Dec 2012

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Now, Dear Readers.  I consider myself pretty savvy around here in the online world.  Save for a geriatric laptop that will be, hopefully, replaced with something spiffy and new next year (maybe a Surface Pro).  Meanwhile, it might be like walking around in painfully outdated clothes or driving an old beater car.  Sure, they both still ‘work,’ but aren’t so fashionable anymore.  Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve still got Windows XP and Office 2003 running in here, so it’s a big ol’ blast of retro when I shut off my work laptop and get back online at home.  Hilarious.  This home laptop (a vintage 2006 Dell Inspiron E1705 for those curious) has rarely ventured out of the home office and has only been taken out of my house a small handful of times.  That was back in my unemployed era of early/mid 2010 when I was doing part-time pro bono work to help out a colleague and friend and keep my mind from going to mush while I looked for work. 

Anyway,  I keep my virus protection on it up to date. I scan regularly for spyware/malware and use a registry cleaner and backer-upper.  I change my passwords regularly and don’t use the same one for each of my online accounts.  Good, smart stuff like that.

Well, I recently stumbled upon something that blew my mind.  And who would have guessed it would have surfaced in the world of…wait for it…Online Dating.

Are you grinning or groaning right now?  Yep, I decided to jump back in the pool and give this another shot.  I really, truly am looking for the real deal, and yet I’ve been so heads down focused on work and getting back in shape – just trying to BE the best ME – that perhaps I haven’t really, truly opened up and breathed enough to really provide the space that’s needed for something like a possible new relationship.  Whether he’ll find me on the interwebs or not I don’t know.  At the very least, the process can be beyond entertaining.

I received a very nice email via the online dating email system from a handsome gent just wanting to get to know me better.  He said he’s currently based in the local area here, but currently overseas in the US Army, deployed in Libya.  He didn’t say much about himself in his profile, but that didn’t concern me too much.  Guys in the military probably can’t disclose too much about what they do.  And there are several military bases in a 50-mile radius from where I live.

Fast forward a few days and I found myself with a new Army pen pal, with outpourings of what he was looking for in a long-term relationship. And great pictures too!  He told me how he’s an only child and both his parents are deceased.  He told me about his wife’s passing at a young age (30) from breast cancer 13 years ago, leaving him a widower with a 2-year-old daughter to raise on his own (but thankfully has live-in help at his house back in the States to look after her).  And how he promised to wait at least 10 years since his wife’s passing in honor of her memory before settling down again.  Where he’s from originally (nowhere near where I am) and where he wants to buy a house with the right woman when he gets out of the military.  When I told him the area where I live and that it truly is home to me as much as I enjoy travel, he said he would be happy to buy a house closer to me if it would make ME happy.

Then, we turned a corner.  He said how refreshing it was that I always got straight to the point when I wrote to him.  So,  why don’t we try talking on the phone, he asks?  He explained given his Special Forces status that the process to get in touch with him was not the typical Army process, and he provided me an email address.  He told me what to indicate about him when requesting phone contact, and instructed me to provide my name, address and cell phone number in the email as well.  And to copy/paste what I sent back to him so he could follow-up on his end.  Oh, and also with a note that I would be charged a one-time, temporary fee to my cell phone, but that the charge would drop once he and I were connected on the phone.  He explained this was just a deterrent so people didn’t try to contact Army Special Forces all the time.  

Are you still with me?

Well, I don’t know what swept over me, but when I saw the email address he provided (which ended in a ‘.us’), something in my gut prompted me to check into it further.  Every email address has a ‘@somedomain.something’ right?  A .net, .com, .us, etc.  Which should direct you to a website.  Well, I checked the ‘@’ domain info online and WHAMMO.

Something didn’t look right.  I’m no online content publishing expert, but the graphics looked slightly ‘off.’  And they were nowhere near the polished look of the US Army’s official website.  But it had all the ‘fine print’ hyperlinks you would expect to see at the bottom of a site page, including terms of use, privacy policy and whatnot, but something still didn’t seem right.

I did an online search on that domain name and immediately found a couple of blogs posting about scammers.  Scammers overseas who steal pictures of US soldiers (who are either alive or not, talk about morbid here). They use the stolen pictures to create fake online dating profiles…bascially, impersonating them!  I read on and on, fascinated.  And horrified.  The story I was told was TEXTBOOK content for what these scammers use.  They usually say they’re alone, widowed…and, bottom line, looking for money to be wired to them.  Money so they can fly home to take a leave, or money they need because the military won’t provide XYZ.

Now, I’m no expert in any of this, since what I’ve learned is less than 72 hours old in my own brain. BUT, here are two huge takeaways:

1. The US military will never EVER ask a civilian to pay for airfare to transport a soldier anywhere.  Anywhere in the world.  Absolutely not.

2. The US military does not use Western Union.  But that’s how most of these scammers want their $$ wired to them.

These guys are thieves, plain and simple!  I’m soooo glad I trusted my gut and checked the website info tied to the email address provided to me.  And I checked the fine print too – guess what?  All of the privacy policy and terms of use – all blank.  Or broken.

Now, I don’t claim to be an expert in any of this, and don’t want to post the email address I was provided.  But if you’d like more info, please message me!