Author Archives: fivenineteen

Hiding in Routine

29 Sunday Dec 2013

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…well, as much as I can during Christmas time and all the end of year stuff. Every day gets a little better. Every day gets closer to January 6. Everything will be back to its routine then. Meanwhile, I hide as best I can. Head down at work…that’s been pretty easy because it’s a lot busier than it usually is according to those who have been with our team a few years. It just wasn’t quieting down! The week of the 16th was crazy! So many people were taking the last two weeks of December as vacation and so everything was getting crammed through the week prior.

Then this past week…it was perfect timing to just bury myself reading through tons of that documentation, with minimal of the usual meetings and constant emails pouring in. Nice. And to get to the gym…workout, go home, shower and relax with a light dinner. I have had my exercise routine in place since late July/early August, so it’s really becoming a good habit now. Working out 6 times a week seemed like the most daunting thing to me, but it’s now something I look forward to. That sacred hour after work…it’s all mine.

But I’ve felt like a fucking cliché this Christmas season. Dealing with the blues…maybe some days (or hours) better than others. I’ve been quiet. Not very chatty. Not very happy.  I thought I was doing OK with the loss of my Grandma (she passed away November 24), and my break up with J earlier in November. [I guess this really was a break up…when he offers to come by and finish some repair work but then never shows that’s pretty fucking lame.  And so out of character.  Weird.]

So maybe I really haven’t been OK.  Where’s that fine line between taking time to grieve and heal vs. wallowing?  I don’t know.  I thought I was doing alright but something tripped me up in December and I realized WOW.  My grandmother won’t be with us for Christmas.  Ever again.  And once again, I’m single.  Which sucks during the holidays, as much as I try to block out those expectations floating around.  Expectations I had for myself as well.

I don’t know if it’s J or maybe the idea of J.  Being in a relationship…one that was almost going on a year.  I was ready to introduce him to my parents and other friends beyond those he’d already met.  Meanwhile, he was ready to tell me he wasn’t in love with me.  Wow.  How far apart we were and we didn’t even know it.

I’ve confided in a few trusted friends and even a co-worker who is a real confidante. That’s not something I typically do – I don’t like sharing personal woes in great detail with co-workers – but it’s actually provided some comfort, and a trusted male opinion is gold.

The hardest days were Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Now those are in the rear view mirror, whew. I worked Christmas Eve and then went to my folks’ house for dinner. Mom always makes a big pot of cioppino which is delicious.  And we exchange presents and all.  It just felt very weird, stiff and forced.  And that’s how I was feeling too.  I tensed up walking into the house.  It was just the 3 of us.  And oh how I so wanted there to be a 4th.  With me.

Christmas dinner was at my aunt and uncle’s house.  They always throw amazing dinner parties and love to entertain.  My uncle is a fantastic chef.  OK, so the prime rib wasn’t ready until 9pm.  But it sure was delicious!  The highlight was meeting my cousin’s new twin boys (born in early September!).  They are fraternal and so cute!  But babies go to bed early so we didn’t have a lot of time to play.

Don’t get me wrong…I love my family.  I just felt like a weird leftover and it was horribly uncomfortable being in a house full of people with everyone coupled up but me.  What is WRONG with me?  I decided to just lie low and listen.  Listen more than chat.  If someone asked me a question I answered it really briefly and turned it around with a ‘How about you?’  That generally seems to work.

The amount of alcohol consumed that night blew me away.  Ever been the only one not drinking in a crowd of people who are?  Try it sometime…it’s pretty eye-opening.  I sat quiet at the table, just listening to the ramblings going on around me, focusing on slowly savoring my food.  Same stories pop up, same debates I hear around me.  It meant nothing. It all rang hollow. I didn’t enjoy it.  One of my cousins talked a lot about a house she and her boyfriend bought and how they are going through tons of renovations.  I said “it sounds great, and you’re doing it in partnership – that’s wonderful.”  I guess my words went right over her head and meant nothing.  Whatever.

Nobody noticed.  Nobody cared.  Nobody said hey, are you alright?  You’re being awfully quiet! You seem a little down.  What does THAT mean?  Sure makes me feel forgotten and misunderstood.

Later after dinner my folks left without even saying goodbye.  Weird…and I was a little worried about them driving home to be honest.  But the next day my Dad said how great an evening that was.  WERE WE EVEN AT THE SAME PARTY?

I’m just struggling to get through the rest of the holidays and on to a much better 2014. Every day past Christmas gets better!  And my new calendar is already up!

Sneaky Depression

15 Sunday Dec 2013

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WOW, what a difference a day makes!  Yesterday was a struggle to make it happy, productive, useful.  Well, it was Saturday and that usually slows my pace way down…so I try not to put too much pressure on myself to do too much.  That’s hard this time of year with the holidays and all.  I still haven’t finished up all of my shopping.  And Aunt Flo really kicked my butt this time around.  Notsomuch with the cramps (hurray – great benefit of regular exercise), but my emotions completely went down the tubes for a couple of days.

And I guess I hadn’t (haven’t?) finished getting over a couple of recent losses.  I woke up on Saturday feeling swallowed up in depression.  I miss my Grandma so much.  She was such a gift to our family and everyone she knew.  It’s hard to describe, but it’s like she was indestructible.  Now I know that can’t be true…we’re all human and have limited years on Earth.  Grandma was lucky to have 97 and a half of them…most of them active and healthy.

I haven’t written about J in awhile.  Most of the posts about him were about fun things we did together.  And all of the help he provided getting my garage cleaned up and so much more.  It’s been just a little over a month since he told me, after nearly a year, that he’s not in love with me and won’t ever will be.  I thought I was doing OK taking this on board and moving on with my life, but yesterday just really dragged down my spirit.  I’m single…again.  And this time of year that’s hard.  I guess I make it hard on myself, I don’t know.  Going to family gatherings, single.  I think that’s the hardest part of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  When I get really, really down I start feeling like a leftover freak sitting at the dining room table with everyone.  You want people to ask you if there’s a special guy in your life.  And when they don’t ask you wonder…do they just expect you not to – ever?  Have they given up on you?  I see my youngest brother and my younger cousins all getting married, having children.  Seeing their little ones over the holidays – that’s the best part! 

I never wanted kids (I knew this as a young teen actually) but I DO want a long-term, loving partnership in my life.  I know he’s out there somewhere.  I just thought we’d have met by now.  I see everyone around me paired up.  Are they happy?  I sure hope so.  I’m so fucking tired of having to do things on my own.  Try to take care of my townhouse alone.  Make plans to renovate, remodel, travel the world…I don’t LIKE traveling solo and get resentful when I have to take on the burden of planning and paying for home repairs and projects.  Do I wait until I have enough cash saved up?  Or take on debt? 

My townhouse is in a state of limbo and mess.  I have clothes everywhere that I’m slowly weeding out and getting packed off to Goodwill, and a new walk-in closet will get built in early January – hurray!  I’m just embarrassed that everything is taking so long.  My folks came over to drop off my Grandma’s new bed and pillow she had just the last few weeks of her life.  It will be perfect for my guestroom for now.  I apologized for how messy my place was and almost started crying right in front of them.  I never have them over.  I know that’s probably ridiculous because they’re just one suburb over.  I’m embarrassed at how out of date my townhouse is compared to their house, my brother’s, etc. I’m overwhelmed and sad.  There’s clutter everywhere. 

So all of these emotions really weighed me down yesterday.  It took all I could dredge up to force myself to get in the gym and do some intervals on the treadmill.  I was waiting for those endorphins to kick in…but they didn’t.  Oh well, at least I did SOMETHING active and burned some calories. I like how the gym is really feeling comfortable to me, like a broken-in shoe.

L (my guy BFF) invited me over to his place last night to cook dinner with him and watch hockey.  He wanted to make turkey burgers, cous cous and a kale salad, awww.  Normally I would have loved this chance to hang out and joke around, but I called him and apologized that I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be good company, I told him.  I went around yesterday with tears literally welled up in my eyes.  On the treadmill.  At the grocery store looking for some amino acid supplements. L said you know what, fivenineteen, you’ve got a pretty fucking good life. Don’t get so down on yourself.  I smiled a little into the phone while I looked around at the clutter inside my house.  And the popcorn ceiling that still needs to be scraped off downstairs (not to mention upstairs).

I just needed to ride out this wave of depression and stay home last night.  I’m glad he respected my choice.  He lives in a great part of Seattle, but it’s a 45 minute drive from my house and in the mood I was in I just wasn’t up for it.

So today (Sunday) is worlds better.  I’m feeling much more like ‘me’ again.

My Grandma Jean

01 Sunday Dec 2013

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My Grandma Jean passed away last Sunday 11/24.  She was 97 and the most extraordinary person I’ve ever known.  I’m so blessed to have had a grandparent in my life as long as I have, and even moreso with a grandparent who stayed mentally sharp even in her much later years.  I know all of that is rare…my other grandparents struggled with Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, sadly.  I miss them all.

I went to see Grandma Jean a few days earlier.  One of my brothers called and said you better come see her soon…probably to say goodbye.  She had fallen a couple of weeks prior and just wasn’t pulling out of it like she had with other falls.  Her leg strength was pretty much gone, to where using her walker just wasn’t working anymore.   When I arrived at her retirement home the nurse brought me to her room.  She was sleeping, as she’d been doing a lot.  Refusing food and liquids.  All the classic signs she was getting ready to transition on.

I stood at her bed and started to cry.  I tried to hold it back but choked a little and she woke up.  I don’t know how coherent she was or if she recognized me, but I said what I wanted to say to her and left.  The nurse followed me out of the room and said “you have to be strong…don’t cry…next is with God.”  I think that actually made me cry harder.  I’d been holding it in that’s for sure, and seeing Grandma curled up in bed and a shell of what she used to be kind of shocked me.

Grandma was born on July 14, 1916 in Oakesdale, Washington. A tiny little town for sure!  Her parents were both very highly educated people…her father was a doctor/surgeon and her mother had a master’s degree in biology from Occidental College.  Wow!  She was the youngest of three daughters, actually.  Their Dad was the town doctor and made house calls, delivered babies, the whole works.  He could also perform lots of types of surgery, but when more resources were needed it was a 50-mile drive to Spokane, and he would drive his patients there himself. They were fortunate to have a car and a home with an electric stove, I remember her telling me.  Where they lived that was not very common.

Her Dad’s medical practice thrived (he was adamant about using proper sterilization techniques in his work, something that might not have been very typical in smaller towns I’d imagine), and the survival rates of patients and women giving birth rose dramatically.  But as she and her sisters got older, her parents wanted them to have more educational opportunities than what the town could offer.

So…they moved to Corvallis, Oregon!  I think Grandma and her sisters were teenagers at the time.  But then…WHAMMO.  The stock market crash of 1929 and the Depression sunk in.  It was hard enough to re-establish a medical practice, but this made it all the more difficult.  Times were tough and money was tight, as Grandma recalled.  Her mother was an excellent seamstress, but Grandma remembers sometimes she’d have to wear the same dress one or two weeks in a row.  You just did what you had to do.

Amazingly, Grandma and her sisters each graduated from Oregon State University…during the Depression!  Their parents put education as first priority and they made it happen for their family.  Astonishing!  Grandma’s degree was in Home Economics.

She married my Grandpa at age 24 in 1940…and 10 months later my Dad arrived (in Corvallis)! Her father delivered all of his grandchildren, actually.  That was how it was done back then so nothing odd about it.  They raised my Dad and Uncle in Seattle.  After they were each off at college she went back to school to get her teaching certificate and taught Home Ec at the high school level for 15 years.  When my Grandpa retired she did as well, and they hit the road traveling.  Camping and fly fishing were their favorites and they did it everywhere.  All over the country…and in New Zealand and Mexico too!  They even drove to Guatemala in their camper one time…in the late 1970s!

Grandma could cook, sew, bake, knit and crochet like nobody’s business.  I spent so much time at her house as a little girl…we’d go shopping for fabric and make something like a new blouse or skirt.  Or she’d show me how to knit and crochet.  We’d bake cookies together or homemade bread.  Their house may have been small by most standards, but to me it was a mansion.  Walking up those steep stairs up to the bed where I would stay overnight…such a huge contrast from the rambler my brothers and I grew up in!

There are just too many wonderful memories to list.  Grandma was a huge inspiration and influence over me and all of her grandchildren (and later, her great-grandchildren).  Unconditional love and joy for everyone around her.  Boundless generosity.  Commitment to family and pouring love into everything she did.  I’m trying to find the words to describe it and it’s harder than I thought!

She made a few scrapbooks for me as a teenager…one has incredible family photos (photos of HER grandparents), and she typed up several pages with more details about the family history along with all of the pictures.  Pictures of her with her sisters as young girls all dressed up with hair in curls.  Another scrapbook has samples of all kinds of sewing techniques with handwritten explanations how to do them.  Snaps. Zippers.  French seams. Darts. I am tearing my house apart trying to find that one.  It’s a treasure.  How she found time to do all of this astounds me.

She and her oldest sister were quite close – her middle sister I don’t think as much, but I honestly didn’t know her very well.  Sadly, tragedy struck our family when her middle sister and her husband were killed in a car accident in Costa Rica.  This  was in the late 1970s – they were retired and enjoying life.  Their car went off the road.  I don’t know much more than that to be honest.  Her oldest sister lived into her 90s like Grandma Jean did.

So we’re getting ready for her memorial service next week.  It’s still kind of surreal that she’s not here.  Thanksgiving dinner was bittersweet.  I kept expecting her to pop into the living room with a scratch pumpkin pie like she would always bring.

I’ve shared a little about her with a few trusted co-workers. One of the comments really struck me down to the core:

“Wow, fivenineteen.  She gave you so much.  Now it’s YOUR turn to pass it along.  Don’t waste it.”

Quarantine and Purge

17 Sunday Nov 2013

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Well yuck.  What’s that they say about colds…treat one and it goes away in a week – don’t treat it and it takes 7 days?  If that’s true we’re on day 3 here and it sucks.  I feel like a deflated balloon full of phlegm.

My friend T says it’s the stress of the past week that caught up with me.  I guess she’s right!  I’ve been staying strong, sticking with my workouts, finding some private time to cry a little and focusing on my work.  I haven’t been sick ALL YEAR and feel pretty damn good about that!  Normally 2 or 3 colds a year is typical.  I started to feel a little tingly and sneezy late Friday afternoon at work.  But I went to the gym as usual and did my weight training.  I was feeling a little weak but not super weak…I knew Aunt Flo was right around the corner so I chalked it up to that.

On Saturday I woke up feeling like my sinuses and throat were full of sandpaper.  Oh no, here we go…it’s a cold alright.  This weekend was one of those where my team works overnight and I was slated for the 1:30am – 10:00am shift on Sunday.  Yes, that’s AM on Sunday.  Thankfully I was able to get someone to back me up.

And I called my friend P sad and in tears…last night was her Bon Voyage party, as she gets ready for a trip of a lifetime…Belize, Australia and New Zealand!!  It’s a dream come true for her and I’m so excited!!  And so sad I couldn’t come to her party and see her.  But no way was I going to risk spreading cold germs around.

So it’s Quarantine time for fivenineteen.  Sometimes we need alone time to recharge the batteries, but too much of it makes me feel so isolated and lonely.  Thankfully I had enough stuff this past week to keep me connected and happy.

My youngest brother is up here on business quite a bit, and we met up at my house after our gym workouts one night to start putting my bedroom back together.  It was just over a month ago that J helped take my bed apart and get things temporarily set up in my 3rd bedroom so R could finish the popcorn ceiling scraping and finishing in my bedroom, master vanity and the walk-in closet.  Our plan once that was finished was to paint, shampoo the carpets and then put the room back together.  Love it!

How much things changed in a month.  How wrong I was about where our relationship stood. Now I have no idea when I’ll hear from J again.  I texted him last week to let him know I was doing alright.  We talked about getting together on Veterans Day to work on some more stuff here and he texted back sure, how about that afternoon? Sounded great to me.  But he went dark and I never heard boo and haven’t since.  So I can’t count on him right now and that makes me feel like I got punched in the stomach.  Breathe, breathe and give it space.  Lots of his tools are down in my garage, so at some point he’s going to want them back.

So my brother helped put my bed back together.  And I had a good talk and cry about everything with him too.  Ahhh…my beautiful bed, back in its frame and everything!  It won’t be hard to move it when it’s time to paint on that side of the room.  Yep, getting back in my bedroom trumped the carpet shampooing this time around.  Oh well…I can always have a carpet cleaning service do it.

Now I am blessed with a completely empty walk-in closet!  Which needs updating big time – it’s still got just one shelf and dowling for hangers in one row on three sides!  Ha ha 1980!  So where are all my clothes and shoes?  Downstairs in the living room on a railing and piled in huge garbage bags!  Oh, what a glorious mess!!

But as I like to say, there are no accidents.  Sure I’ve cleaned out that closet periodically over the years, but never like this.  Seeing all my clothes in a completely different setting was exactly what I needed to take a good, hard look at everything. So far I’ve filled 8 huge garbage bags and hauled them off to Goodwill!  YES!  Man it feels great to purge.  I found stuff I’d completely forgotten about.  And since I’ve lost weight I’ve been able to fit back into many things I couldn’t before!  It’s like shopping in my own closet!  Other stuff goes into the ‘no’ pile…stuff I’m sick of, stuff that’s out of style and stuff I haven’t worn in years.  They say we wear 10% of our wardrobe 90% of the time.  Do you think that’s true?  I try to NOT do that but I bet I probably do too.

So I’m going to pull the trigger and have the nice people at California Closets design a better solution for me.  Years ago they did a design and quote but I never got around to it…and if I remember correctly I’d planned to use part of my tax refund for it but changed my mind.  Now it’s time.

Nike’s got it Right: Just Do It

03 Sunday Nov 2013

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JDIEvery day in this Lean Eating for Women program I started back in late July, we get some reading material.  Nothing overwhelmingly long…just maybe 10-15 minutes to read through.  And the material is archived so we can always go back and re-read something if needed.  The timing on these works out great for my daily routine:  given my time zone I usually get “tomorrow’s” reading in the evening here.  So I can take a sneak peek at it…and then I re-read it again in more depth after I get home from work and the gym that next evening.  And so on.  I’m blocked from lots of external sites by design at work (it’s a secure IT environment) and taking the time to read small print on my phone during a lunch break doesn’t really work for me.  And I’ve yet to pull the trigger on some sort of tablet.  Hmmmm.

OH, by the way, it’s one of my absolute favorite days of the year.  The Sunday after the end of Daylight Savings Time.  YES.  One extra, gloriously blissful hour.  Yeah, I know when we ‘spring forward’ we have the benefit of longer evening daylight hours in the summer, but the price to pay is a steep one.  Setting our clocks ahead an hour makes me feel tired, cranky and like I’m constantly running late for a good week or so until I adjust.  So now…the bliss of extra time.  Time – one of our most precious commodities of all.

Now, back to these daily readings from PN!  One of them (thankfully) shattered some weird mind perception I’ve had about people who are experts in fitness and nutrition.  Those of Olympic athlete caliber…or someone like one of my trainers at the gym who is probably 10 years my senior and puts people half his age to shame at how fit he is.  His spinning class is jam-packed with a waiting list for a reason.  I can always tell when he’s teaching, because the gym parking lot is extra packed those nights!

For some reason I had it in my head that fitness gurus are ALWAYS without fail super jazzed about what they’re doing and their workouts.  Endorphins perhaps?  Just extra happy, positive people by nature?  Motivated by achieving their fitness goals and inspiring others to do the same?

Well, maybe some or most days, but some days, well, notsomuch as it turns out!!

How illuminating this was for me, this new realization!  OK, I think I get it – there are days I’m not really going to feel like working out for all sorts of reasons.  It’s easy to come up with lots of excuses.  I just figured that as I stayed with this program and did the workouts that I would feel happier because I’m getting regular exercise, seeing improvements in my strength and muscle tone and I’m now down nearly 15 lbs since late July!  YES!  That in itself should be motivating, right?  I even had a shocker a couple of weeks ago when I actually was looking forward to working out during the workday!  Meaning, during the workday I knew later that evening I’d be at the gym…and was excited about it!  WOW! And what the hell?

But now I know I’m not going to always feel that way.  Not even when I get in more peak condition, whatever that might look like.

The point of this lesson in PN is to just do it anyway if you don’t feel like it.  Action before motivation, everyone!!  Get a routine scheduled and get what you need to surround yourself with for success!  For example, before I go to bed at night on weeknights I make sure my gym clothes, shoes, iPod and my workout printout are all ready for me to grab on the dining room table on the way out the door when leaving for work.  I make sure I have my lunch and snacks in the front of the fridge and ready to throw into my lunch bag that morning as well.  Mornings are not my strong suit.  I need my clothes, shoes and jewelry all picked out and laid out the night before so I can just get dressed, put on some makeup and get going to work as quickly and mindlessly as possible.  I don’t have time to linger and my mind is just too fuzzy at that hour to make any sense.

And when I get to the gym after work, I have my list of exercises printed out and ready to take with me!  I make sure to watch the short video clips the night before to mentally ‘practice’ them.  Maybe that in itself provides some motivation for me to keep practicing the exercises.  Every time I do them I get a little better and a little stronger.  And improved muscle tone – yes!

So action first…then motivation.  Great stuff for those days I just won’t feel like working out.  Love it!

Turning a Mini Corner of Sorts

20 Sunday Oct 2013

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The last couple of weeks something has really clicked inside me…and the first time it happened it kind of freaked me out.

I was at work, having a really good day, and then smiled to myself and thought: “Wow!  After this I get to go work out!”  What the hell??  Did I REALLY just think that??  What’s going on here?

This was a teeny-weeny sign bubbling up in me that my new exercise habits are starting to gel.  I’m in the gym 5-6 nights a week (and trying to get active outside one night a week but it’s getting a little too cold and dark for that now, despite having virtually zero rain in a couple of weeks – how rare is THAT?).  And when I can’t work out after work, I miss it.  I’m getting more and more comfortable with the workouts provided in this Lean Eating for Women program I’m now about 3 months into – it’s a year-long program actually, and I can’t wait to learn what’s next as we’re only 1/4 of the way done!

Just in these last few months I’ve noticed changes.  I’m making exercise and planning  meals ahead of time a habit.  That still requires a lot of practice, but just like learning a dance step…it gets a little easier every time.  Don’t get me wrong – the workouts are challenging and continue to build upon themselves gradually.  A great combo of weight resistance training, core work and cardio.  When I’m done I FEEL GREAT.  Well, I’ll admit the first couple of weeks were brutal, but not in a really bad way.  I hadn’t done any regular weight training in years (hockey does NOT increase your upper body strength, at least not at the intermediate/novice level I played at for 9 years).

After the first few workouts in the gym I woke up so sore I couldn’t hardly get out of bed the next day (whoops, there ARE core muscles deep in my belly, ha ha).  But I stayed with the program and I didn’t give up.  I knew every time I went back to the gym I would practice the workouts yet again and gradually I’d get more comfortable with them.  Only to have them change right at that time…by design, I’m sure!  Never want those muscles to get too comfy…the constant change and gradual increasing of resistance (without compromising form) is the key.  Gotta love variety.  And I never feel like I’ve overworked a certain part of my body with any of these workouts.

Does exercise actually DECREASE appetite?  In my case, the answer is a shocking YES!  WOW. I’m down about 12 lbs and 11 inches (a combo of neck, shoulder girth, bust, hips measurements etc. all totaled up).  And I DO notice my clothes starting to fit and hang a little better, and I even had to adjust my bra straps because they were getting too loose and slipping off of my shoulders during the day!  Some button front shirts I’ve had for a few years had become too tight and gape-y in the bustline (ugh, so tacky)…and now are starting to fit like they used to!  I have a ton of clothes to sort through to get ready for a big purge and run to Goodwill, and I’m trying to restrain from buying a lot of new clothes right now because they may (I hope) become too big again in the near future.  Now, I have purchased a few new items to give my wardrobe a little boost (I love my cashmere sweaters but after 6-7 years some are starting to look a little worn).  Soooo, I’m sticking with knits wherever possible, as they will forgive through changing sizes (I hope).  A short-sleeved shell for work, a motorcycle-style zip front black jacket and some knit black pants.  OH and a pair of dark denim jeans with a little stretch that fit like a dream and are super flattering.

Know what else I’ve noticed, er…not noticed?  Far fewer (if any) PMS cravings! And less tenderness and bloat, if that makes any sense to my female readers in here.  In fact, when (ahem) Aunt Flo arrived this month (right on schedule and I count my blessings for that at age 46), I was a bit surprised!  I didn’t have any of the normal food cravings, breast tenderness, puffy/irritated feeling that gave me all the signals my period was right around the corner.  Rather, the only ‘symptoms’ I had were midcycle – a flu-like feeling – which thankfully didn’t trigger food cravings.  Is this all the benefit of regular exercise and/or working on improving nutrition?  If so, I’m starting to ‘get it’!

My posture is better and I’m feeling radiant inside.  I continue to gain more confidence in the weight room, navigating through the macho grunts and the regulars.  I can deal with the crowds Monday nights…and on Friday nights it can be pretty much a library it’s so empty!

An 80-something man is one of the regulars, and he walked by me one night while I was doing push ups and joked ‘ya gotta SMILE when you do those.’  HA HA HA.

Camping out in my Own Townhouse

13 Sunday Oct 2013

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AKA…”celebrating” a decade (errr, now almost 11 years, eesh) in the townhouse.  Part trois.

Remember when this first got started?  If not, feel free to peruse here.  Yes, it was February 2012…Super Bowl Sunday actually.  Man oh man, what a journey it’s been.  And I think a “fuck this shitty goddamn mess of a ceiling already” was one of the outbursts along the way.  And then things with the ceiling work went dark. And, thank goodness, it will resume on Tuesday.

This project has been so goddamned delayed it’s turned into a punch line.  Co-workers, friends, even my hairdresser and manicurist ask every time I see them how “that ceiling project” is coming along.  I just have to laugh off all the delays.  It was way more than I could chew and while the Man Help early on meant well, between schedules and the workload/skills involved it was way over our heads.

Now…squee!  This week my plumber, R, will pick up where he left off this week, getting my bedroom, master vanity and the walk-in closet all finished up.  THEN it’s time to paint.  This is exactly the motivator I’ve needed to do lots of things:  get the walls repainted (I love the bright turquoise walls, but the green I chose for the others in the big open space is too minty next to the bright blue and never quite felt right.  I may just cover it all up with a nice, rich taupe.  I have some beautiful giclee prints of outdoor Mediterranean café scenes in gorgeous wood frames that I purchased.  In 2005.  And never hung on the wall due to wanting to repaint the mint green wall prior.  Errgh…am I the only who takes YEARS to get silly projects like this done?

J was amazing getting me motivated and helped out this weekend, and it’s wonderful to tell and show him how appreciated he is.  But first, we had to relax on Saturday!  Ugh, U of W Huskies had a tough loss to Oregon, but we enjoyed watching the game at a local sports bar in walking distance from my house.  Indulging in a pitcher of Mac & Jack’s on a beautiful, sunny fall day…hey, why not?  It’s football season, after all!  We then made yummy chili in the crock pot…ground turkey, grilled chicken breasts, black beans, garlic, spices onions and tomatoes.  Fantastic…and spot on healthy “comfort food.”

Then we saw Gravity in 3D on Saturday night.  If you haven’t already seen it, RUN don’t walk and see it on the big screen.  For this movie it’s an absolute must.  Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are fantastic together.  All thumbs up!

Today we tackled the not-so-fun chore of getting my bedroom cleared out for the ceiling work.  Moving my box spring and mattress and dismantling the wrought iron frame and getting it around tight corners to the spare 3rd bedroom (also on the upper level) was not fun but WE DID IT!  Now I’ll be camped out in that room for I’m guessing at least a week, depending on how long it takes R to finish the ceiling scraping, mudding and texturing and for J’s schedule to help me get everything back in the bedroom.  Which we’ll probably paint prior to that…

I’m so glad I’d already spent a bunch of time clearing out my walk-in closet.  It’s not super big, but it does hold a ton (and could use a major California Closets-like update to replace the single hanger bar around all sides.  There was a lot more cleaning out to do and J and I chuckled at how much stuff I’ve accumulated.  Trust me, I didn’t used to be this way!  I moved a ton of clothes downstairs save for what I’ll need for work and the gym this week.  And I have a MAJOR clean out project now of sorting through all of these clothes…what should I keep?  What’s in a smaller size I might be back in someday soon…and hopefully still in style to keep wearing?  What’s a definite tosser?  More to follow on that.

So over brunch and an ugly game but a win by the Seahawks, it was another glorious day.  I savor the fall sunshine, for soon the rains and chilly winds will kick in.  But I love the sensuality of the changing seasons.

I’m feeling happy, blessed and content.  This home improvement work WILL happen…and the ceilings are just the beginning.

Random Tuesday Ramblings

08 Tuesday Oct 2013

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Surprise!  It’s fivenineteen here rambling away on a Tuesday night, not Sunday afternoon!  One of my followers (who is a dear friend, check’s in the mail) teased me a little that it’s been awhile since I last posted!  Yikes, she’s right!

I had probably one of the most blissful weekends I’ve had in probably a year.  Just basking in the glow of a glorious sunny weekend in October (yes, even in Seattle), which is as rare as white tigers.

What a wonderful surprise last Friday to hear from J…typically we each just chill out separately on Friday nights as we’re pretty pooped from the workweek.  I go to the gym, come home, shower and cook a light dinner.  Wow, what a far cry from my hard partying college years…am I turning into ‘that person’ we all swore as 21-year-olds we’d NEVER be?  Yep, I guess so.  So for a very cool change of pace, he offered to come over and cook us dinner after I got home from the gym!  WOW!  Color me happy!

And what did he bring?  Boneless, skinless chicken breasts he’d been marinating all day, a sweet potato to make fries with, and some frozen peppers for a side dish!  I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t ever even dropped a hint as to what I’d like to try eating, and he nailed it!  This is EXACTLY an example of a meal we would be encouraged to try in the Lean Eating for Women program I’m nearly 90 days into.  No meal plans, no calorie counting, no forbidden foods…rather, food can be plotted on a spectrum from Better to Worse.  And we’re encouraged to add things to our food, not take away.  As in adding more veggies and trying other alternate sources of carbs, for example.  Voila…here it was!  We peeled the sweet potato, sliced it up into French fry-shaped pieces, sprinkled some spices on top and baked until crispy!  And grilled the chicken and sautéed the pepper medley!  YUM!

On Saturday we headed over to an Oktoberfest party.  The consulting agency I was with prior to the one I’m currently with has a food palooza of sorts every year, and all of the staff cook incredible meals from scratch and serve up to their current and alum consultants!  One of the big advantages of working with a boutique agency for sure!  Normally it’s a summertime seafood theme, but this year they changed it up and did Oktoberfest. They had tons of brauts, streudel, salads, sauerkraut, handmade pretzels, mustards made from scratch, desserts and of course lots of beer for tasting in custom-made steins we got to take home as party favors!  Even some quinoa-stuffed mushrooms for a veggie/vegan option and a kale salad – I need these recipes!

Then we went home, changed our clothes and tackled more of my Garage.  Which is now the most organized room in my house thanks to J’s help.  Yes, the popcorn ceiling scraping continues in the master bedroom/vanity next week…after a major delay which is fodder for another post.  Most of my garage is below ground level and there are some problems with drainage….whenever it rains water seeps through small cracks in the concrete.  Lots of fun being at the bottom of a super steep hill.  J mixed up some concrete (we used a spoon I sacrificed and some plastic keg cups as you have to do it in small batches) and patched up a few of the cracks, after first drilling out the loose concrete where the leaks are coming from.  We’ve got more to do, but it’s a great start and has provided HUGE peace of mind for me…I’m worried about the water seepage and the damage it might be causing elsewhere.  We’ll check and see how it’s working and continue with the rest of the wall later.  This concrete mix is so powerful you can even use it under water!

Tough football weekend here…U of W Huskies lost a hard fight against Stanford, and the Seahawks’ 4-0 winning streak got snapped in Indianapolis last Sunday.  UGH.  The boys were playing the refs as well as their opponents much of each of these games, I swear!  The chitter chatter in the gym locker room tonight was still going strong!

And hockey season is underway…yes! Go Canucks!  A FULL length season this year with no Lockout!  I’m still enjoying my own personal hockey sabbatical, which could definitely become permanent but that’s OK – 9 years was a great run.

And I have other fitness goals now which have my full focus…and they’re working!

Equinox Weekend

22 Sunday Sep 2013

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Funny how I started poking around online for “Equinox pictures” and all of my search results pulled up the car!  Hadn’t even heard of it before!

Ahhhh, the Equinox.  One of those turning points in our calendar where summer slips away for good.  I do love fall and the changing rhythm of our seasons but I also get a little whiney when summer goes poof.

Know those great days where you feel like you’ve had a whole weekend in one day?  When you don’t really have any specific plans and the day just spontaneously unfolds into its own deliciousness?  That was yesterday – Saturday.  And today just feels like a fabulous bonus day.  A day for laundry.  Blogging.  Seahawks football. A workout and some grocery shopping and food prep for the week.  Yep, that’s about enough for one day.

Yesterday was filled with late summer sunshine and that crispy feeling in the air where you can just feel Fall is right around the corner.  J and I spent the day over in his neck of the woods.  We were planning to go to a concert which was a fundraiser to save one of the old theaters in town, but we both were craving time outdoors – we weren’t in the mood to sit indoors, as fun as it would have been and for a good cause.

So, we grabbed a late lunch at the Buzz Inn restaurant at Harvey Field in Snohomish.  Damn, what a glorious day it was!  Nothing like relaxing outdoors (in mid September) in the warm sunshine and just watching small planes take off and land.  Not a care or a thought in the world.  And there’s a skydiving center right there at the airport so every so often the sky would suddenly fill up with skydivers landing in the field.

tandem_smallNow, skydiving is probably not going on my Bucket List anytime soon, but it sure looks fun…and watching the skydivers float by, glide in and land was relaxing.  That probably sounds a little odd but it was.

Then we drove to the Stocker Farms farmers market to poke around.  So much amazing, bountiful fruits and veggies…and local honey!  I couldn’t resist and picked up a small jar.  Oh, and a cucumber too.

Hmmmm, I’m trying to get more adventurous with veggies and incorporating them more regularly into my meals.  There was so much beautiful squash, plums, apples and on and on at the farmers market – I just didn’t know where to begin.  I knew I needed a cucumber to chop up for my salads to bring to work, but beyond that my mind was blank.  Oh well, it’s a start! Eating more veggies is one of the things we’re practicing in the Lean Eating for Women program I’m about 7 weeks into.  On the subject of eating local, one of our program coaches quipped, “buying tomatoes flown in from Peru makes about as much sense as flying there to crap them out.”  Too funny…and point taken.  When I’m at the grocery store I’m going to pay more attention to where the food comes from!  And maybe start shopping at a farmers market for fruits and veggies!

I look outside today and it’s like someone turned off a light switch.  It’s grey, cloudy and starting to rain.  It’s days like this where I can close my eyes, smile and remember the warm, sunny days and wonderful summer memories.

Fivenineteen is FOUR!

15 Sunday Sep 2013

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WOW WOW WOW!!!  I’m seriously stunned, shocked and so happy this blog’s been chugging along all these years!  From that very first post in 2009 to all the big balls of random that roll around in here…I’m just taking today to reflect and celebrate.

And I’d like to thank all of you who tune in here regularly.  I never know what’s going to happen in here and that’s absolutely wonderful.  Thank you for being here with me!