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No Accidents

18 Sunday Mar 2012

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I truly believe there are no accidents in life.  Things DO happen exactly as they’re supposed to.  Sometimes that’s hard for me to fully accept – perhaps there’s a wee or not so wee streak of control freak in me.  Sometimes I get frustrated and pouty when things don’t happen WHEN or HOW *I* want them to.  Sounds kind of childish.  But that stream flows in me and creeps up when I get extra tired and stressed.  Kind of sounds like the last few weeks…I’ve re-read a few of my recent posts in here and yowza – I’ve got a lot going on and boiling within me!

So what to do about it?  Nothing?  Something? Yesterday things unfolded so deliciously, one by one.  I’m not Irish but perhaps I got a much-needed dose of St. Patrick’s Day luck.   And given so much got crammed into March 17, 2012, it was a good thing the day got started a little (lot?) earlier than usual. 

Yep, I got my tired self out of bed, dressed and over into the wonderful Ballard neighborhood of Seattle for a fun mini spa and nutrition seminar at my new friend M’s condo.  YES!  Another jaunt into the city – this totally refreshes me.  I couldn’t believe the snowflakes as I whizzed through Seattle in my car.  I met M at a Silpada jewelry party my friend T hosted back in December.  M is one of those wonderful souls with warm energy – the type you’re just drawn to!  She told me about a line of skin care and nutrition supplements she represents and asked if I would be interested in coming to one of her seminars!  Absolutely, I said!

Know when you meet someone and during your conversation they tell you “oh, we should get together and…” …and you never hear from them again?  Or you just fall out of contact? Not a big deal – nothing personal – but when someone DOES really, truly reach out to you with a sincere invitation to join them to learn about something they’re so passionate about, well, that energy is contagious! 

Even just the journey of driving back into the Ballard neighborhood made me smile.  I lived in some adjacent neighborhoods the first half of the 1990s before moving back to the suburbs – my childhood roots.  And the only reason I moved was due to my work commute.  The company I worked for at that time moved from downtown to the suburbs, which would have made my new commute via bus or car a nightmare.  Le Sigh…I often wonder what path my life might have taken had that company not moved.  I’d likely still be in the city.  

I can’t believe how much Ballard has changed.  Tons of new condos and apartments have sprouted up in this formerly somewhat-sleepy slice of Seattle.  I laughed as I had forgotten about allowing extra time to find street parking – surprisingly packed on a Saturday morning.  Could have easily been a Friday night! I dressed a little over optimistically in khakis, an olive green cashmere tank top and a denim jacket.  Damn that was a cold and biting wind as I dashed a few blocks up to M’s condo.  I’m glad I threw on a pashmina wrap before leaving the house. Brrrr.

M represents Usana Health Sciences.  So much to learn about all of these products! Everything from shampoo to nutritional supplements.  I have just scratched the surface and would not do it justice to explain more about it here but boy it is intriguing.  M, her neighbor and I had a fun mini spa at her dining room table, trying out a few exfoliating products, cleansers and moisturizers…with wonderful hot towels heated in her slow cooker! I’m so glad I wore a sleeveless top under my jacket.  Ahhh, I rubbed extra product onto my forearms and elbows. 

I’m taking the plunge and trying their 5-day “reset” program.  It’s designed to help your body kick carbohydrate cravings which spike blood sugar.  I’m not sure what it’s going to be like for me to replace a meal or two a day with a shake for a few days, but I’m going to give it a try.  Two years ago I kicked a 25+ year addiction to Diet Coke cold turkey and I don’t miss it one bit.  If I can do that without any bodily freakouts I can try this Reset program for 5 days, right?  I’ll likely have more to blog about it once the pack arrives next week.  Hmmm!  Years ago I tried adjusting my eating to where I only eat carbs at one meal – usually dinner.  It DOES make a difference.  I’m not as rigid about it now…I occasionally have a sandwich at lunch and today just finished a bagel with cream cheese.  Maybe I do need to be more hard core.

Is it just me or is anyone else noticing how many people are hungering (no pun intended) for better health?  Or other “health” like a more sustainable planet (recycling and all things Green)?  Organic food?  Overall wellness and happiness?  I swear I’ve sensed this spike up since we flipped the calendar pages to 2012.  I wonder what’s going on?  Or it is because we’re so much more uber-connected now because of Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and on and on that we can’t help but NOT know what everyone is up to? 

I pondered these things as I relished my mini facial (and forearm facial) at M’s place. We chatted for a bit before I left…I think I was still in winding down mode and destressing after another busy work week.  But I was sure grateful for a friendly ear!

L invited me over to his place that evening – he wanted to make tacos and watch hockey on TV together.  I’d already made plans to see T but I told him I would call after leaving M’s, as L also lives in Ballard.  I swung by for a quick hello and visit.  He’d been sick this past week and I while I didn’t want to risk catching anything I did want to go see him – would have been silly to be such a short drive away and not drop by.  Ahhh…THIS was the fun hanging out with L that I remember.  No stress from my townhouse project he’s been helping me with, no me being cranky coming home from work and him hanging out at my place, falling asleep in front of the TV or what have you.  He told me how much his web design and photography business is growing and how busy he is.  Wonderful! I had to get back into Kirkland for an appointment but as I left he gave me some IKEA shelving he wants to help set up for me in my garage.  Says we just need some one by eights and we’re good to go.  Hmmm, I think that means a size of plywood but I will let him figure that out for me.  He also wants me to join him out on the coast next weekend.  He’s doing a photo shoot and the client has given him use of a very nice vacation rental house.  You know, I just might go!  Good to get out of town for a bit and I’d have my own room and all.

When I got back over the bridge I realized I had about an hour to kill before my appointment at The Woodmark Spa over on Carillon Point.  On a whim I called the spa asking if they could take me any earlier.  Surprise…they could!  Ah, efficiency.  And while my spa treatment was more, ahem, maintenance than pampering, it’s always great to see my aesthetician…can’t believe it’s been over 10 years now!

I stopped at the grocery store, grabbed a nice bottle of Pinot Noir and later drove over to Sammamish for a girls night in with T.  She was going to try a new brownie recipe, baked with Guinness!  How perfect for St. Patrick’s Day!  I brought a couple of trays of jewelry for us to play with too and she picked out some amazing new pieces.  And damn that Pinot went well with chocolate!  That’s some of the ingredients in today’s picture.  I feel so blessed to have T in my life – she is such a cherished friend!  She even gave me a coupon for a discount on a 2-day workshop about understanding men.  Can this topic really be covered in two days?  I’m kind of joking here but in a way not really!  T has absolutely raved about this and other similar workshops she’s attended.  She says it’s not only improved her dating life but also her quality of friendships with women (and men) too!  Wow!  Sign me up…late April it is.

I slept in till 11am today and savored every moment, remembering my wonderful luck-filled Saturday.  I’ve got a late hockey game tonight – last game of our regular season…so a nap might be in order later this afternoon!  Meanwhile, I have a new book thanks to my new friend D.  Strengths Finder 2.0, by Tom Rath.  I can’t wait to discover what’s inside!

Snail Mail

08 Sunday Jan 2012

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It’s been a pretty relaxing weekend…dang, that first week back after the holidays can be a little intense.  But nothing a virtual helmet and heat shield can’t fix.  I laugh to myself as I write this, for two years ago the New Year started off for me unemployed.  And went that way for several, sometimes-very-painful months.  So I suppose I should keep my trap (er, keyboard?) shut and not complain.  On the other hand, maybe this is a sign that times are getting better workwise and we’re back to the routine again.

I got quite a few tasks done at home including getting tons of mail sorted through, read, bills paid and everything shredded up for recycling.  Dang that feels good!  I am so happy that lots of magazines now have an option to renew subscriptions online instead of mailing in a check.  I have a bad habit of going sure, renew me, and then I mail in one of those “bill me later” forms.  Well, when you do that in October and you haven’t yet paid by January…oops.  Anyway, thanks to the internet I’m good to go.  And I just have a couple of quick thank you notes to write for Christmas gifts and I’ll be in good shape.

My mailbox goes a tad crazy over the holidays with Christmas cards, great pictures and those often-polarizing Christmas card letters.  Oh how I – mostly – enjoy reading them and hearing what everyone’s up to.  I read and wonder wow, it’s been years and years since I’ve seen some of these families.  Where does the time go?  And I giggle that I even still receive Christmas cards from people at all…the last time I ever sent out any myself was probably 1996.

Those letters!  Mostly super enjoying to savor and read, but others seem rather self-indulgent and even arrogant.  Blech.  No thanks.  

Then there’s my college BFF, P.  Her family Christmas letters are so full of love – love for family and for everyone – and the love just comes bouncing off the page as I read.  And she always includes a hand-written very nice blurb at the end of the letter.  This year’s words just went straight to my heart:  “I hope you know how I think of you and talk about you often.  We made some great memories and though we don’t talk much I still see you as a best friend.”  I about burst into tears of happiness….yes…THIS is EXACTLY how I feel too!

P and I were sorority sisters in college.  We were not really in the same circles within the house and did not really become close friends until probably our junior year.  I’d pledged as a sophomore and the group I ran with was a little different than hers.  Kinda funny how even a small, liberal-arts university (with just 1600 undergrads) can still have its pockets and all, even though everyone pretty much knew everyone.  But our sorority was pretty big for a small university – around 80-90 members, as were the other two houses.  P and I had an apartment off campus our senior year…what an incredible experience that was for us after living in the dorms our freshmen year and in the sorority for two (spoiled with a very nice house and amazing food service compared to the dorm food).  The apartment was just a short two blocks away but it might as well have been the moon.  The campus is a square mile bubble of goodness in a town that, well, frankly is a little rough in patches.  I’ve driven by where she and I used to live those two decades ago and shudder…she and I lived THERE? In that crappy apartment? 

I looked through P’s family pictures in the envelope – wow her kids are so incredibly cute!  P does not use email a lot and only periodically surfaces in Facebook land.  I thought today, you know what, I’m going to sit down and write her a letter.  A LETTER!

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Or maybe a freight train.  When in the hell was the last time I wrote an actual snail mail letter to a friend?  To anyone??   And I challenge any of you who stumble around in here…when was the last time for you?  Not a quick postcard, not an email, not a text, not any messaging in Facebook or LinkedIn or other social media.  Hmmm??  For me it’s probably over a year.  And probably much longer than that for a hand-written snail mail letter.  Oh Lordy my handwriting has declined over the years.  I even remember way back it used to be common practice to send thank you letters – in snail mail – after job interviews.  Nowadays things move too fast.  Haven’t done that any time in this century I’m afraid.  Nope, email it is.

So I sit here, smiling, ready to shift gears and start writing to P.  I’ll think she’ll love what she finds in her mailbox.     

There’s this thing called the "other" folder…

23 Friday Dec 2011

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It’s been quite awhile since I’ve had a double shot post week, so why not now?  Something about the holiday season, shopping rush, the solstice…my whole world just tingles with good (and restless) energy.  There’s a mad scramble at work to get stuff done before the office pretty much goes quiet this week and next as people take vacation over the holidays and into early January.  And for those of us still plugging away over a hot desk and laptop, well, there’s that funny struggle of wanting to get more done while it’s quiet, but there aren’t enough people around to truly get it all done or all the right decisions made…ah, the classic dilemma, at least where I’m working right now.  Years ago I used to work in the retail service management industry, and this time of year for vacation was a big ol’ fuhgeddaboudit given the peak shopping season.  Nope – all hands on deck save for Christmas Day and New Years Day.  And today I sit here and think oh crap, I’ve gotta head into the belly of the beast tomorrow (meaning The Mall) and finish some last minute gift shopping. 

So anyway, last week I was on Facebook.  Now, how often have you read that or heard someone say that and think oh no. Right?  Well, as I said when I first launched fivenineteen over two years ago, my interpretations and musings on reality are better than anything I could possibly make up.  You might want to go pour yourself a glass of your favorite beverage for this one.

OK, back to Facebook now.  Last week on some ho-hum Wednesday night I happened to be browsing around and saw a post from a woman I know from the church I used to attend years ago.  Haven’t seen her in probably 10+ years, which is kind of sad, but I don’t attend that church any longer.

Her post: “You have two inboxes with facebook. You get notified of your messages; but you do not get notified of the messages in your “other” message box. Go to messages and click on it. After you do there is now the work “other” under your messages. (on the side bar). Click on that and see messages sent to you from people not on your friend list.”

I thought OK, what the hell, I’ll peruse over there and find this “other” folder.  Man, I love Facebook but it’s hard for me to keep up with all the changes and learn all the nuances and whatnot.  By the time I’m home from work and on my home laptop, my brain is pretty much full and fried.

So there was the elusive little “other” folder, a tiny subfolder on my left menu bar.  I clicked on it and up popped a very long list of what looked like notifications, spammy type stuff and one email from some random weirdo dude who really likes my profile.  Uh huh, whatever.  Delete!

Then, there they were. Not one but TWO messages from a guy I was great friends with years ago who I was no longer in contact with.  Basically saying hi there, it’s been forever, I’m about 92% sure this is you and would be great to catch up sometime.   Oh. My. God.  I about fell out of my chair!!  And then I about fell out of my chair again when I noticed he had sent these emails to me back in freakin’ JULY!!  Holy moly…had I not seen that random post from my church friend I never ever would have even noticed that “other” folder in the Facebook message section!

My fingers flew on the keyboard.  I wrote him back, still in shock to have found this folder…and his emails from months ago!  Yes, yes, it’s me, I’m alive…!!   

So what’s the story with this guy, you may wonder?  In short, he is the closest guy friend I have ever had.  We met online I’m guessing around late 2004 or early 2005ish.  I had been in a relationship with another guy a good chunk of 2004 who I’d met through hockey.  He broke up with me that fall and I admit it broke my heart and put me into an emotional tailspin of sorts.  Hard to explain, and now with it being 7 years later the memories can get a little fuzzy and mushy both.  While I’m not typically the type of girl who always has to have a boyfriend, something about that breakup triggered something within me.  I immediately started online dating – on two different sites at the same time actually – and I THINK that might have been my first time ever doing that.  Nowadays meeting people online is not anything weird, but back then it still might have been a little odd given it had not been around that long.  Or maybe that’s just my interpretation.  

I started going out on a bunch of dates and kind of having casual, not too serious mini-relationships of sorts (and yes, hookups) with a couple of guys.  I felt lost and hurt after getting dumped and was just looking for some reasurrance that I was really still desirable to men.  In that timeframe, I met L, probably for coffee and dessert or something.  We had hockey in common and I just remember him being nice and friendly with an offbeat and awesome sense of humor.

We went out on a couple dates and talked on the phone a few times (this is the olden days before texting became so commonplace) and somewhere in all of this we somehow realized we were better off as friends rather than dating.  I’m giggling right now, because if he happens to read this at some point I’m sure he will let me know if my memory of all of this is correct or not.

Let’s just say 2005 was a hell of a year.  A lot of Life happened and it was intense.  My grandfather passed away in early February, a month short of his 94th birthday.  13 days later my niece was born.  My Dad retired.  I was growing restless at my job – a company I had worked at for over 6 years at that time and I really loved it – but my new Director and I were butting heads quite a bit.

And in the spring of that year, I went through a very dark season in my life.  There was legal drama involved in it too.  I am not going to delve into that in here, but just know it was a very bad time for me and given I am an expert at beating myself up, combine that quirk with dark drama and I just felt very lost.  I felt like my world was turned sideways or upside down…like my reality had just snapped, shifted and toppled over.

I felt lost but not alone, thank goodness. L was there for me through it all.  An amazing friend and confidant he was for me.  I confided in probably only my uber close friends circle and my family about what I was going through.  L listened and helped keep me laughing when I needed to and gave me advice.  He helped me with a few projects around the townhouse here and just was a great shoulder to lean on.  And in the funny, small world we live in, it turns out another (female) friend of his has a beach house not far from where my family has had one for 3 generations.  The 3 of us even went down there together one weekend.  Can’t help but laugh at the Threes Company-ish thing it was, but it was great. 

Now somewhere in all of this, L and I started up a mini episode of Friends with Benefits.  Ummmm…yeah.  Don’t judge, people.  Yeah, whenever I hear about people getting into dealios like that I used to judge and think I’d NEVER do that.  But definitely no regrets…and he and I later talked about it and agreed we would not cross that line any longer.  And we didn’t.

As my dark drama was finishing up that fall, I met another guy online and it got pretty serious pretty quickly.  L and I shared our dating stories all the time, and he was genuinely happy for me when this one started taking off.  And I was very open about my friendship with L with my new boyfriend.  Nothing to hide.  

But he would have nothing of it.  He didn’t want me to be around L and didn’t want to meet him or anything.  Nope.  And I got grilled with ten billion questions about him too and the nature of our friendship.  Now, side note here – as I’ve shared this recently with a few close friends – friends I’ve met since that era who never knew L or my boyfriend then – it’s amazing the wide variety of opinions that come out.  Some friends say well, you should have run the other way when your boyfriend got controlling and possessive like that early on.  Others say yeah, I can totally see why he wouldn’t want you having a close guy friend still in your life as you were focusing on a new relationship. It’s all water under the bridge now.  But I tell you, I’d never been in a situation like that before and I haven’t since.  

L gradually faded from my life.  I’d made the decision to focus on my new relationship.  He and I may have gotten into a couple of spats while this ‘transition’ was happening too.  Again, fuzzy and mushy memories.

When I walked away from that boyfriend in spring of 2007, I kept moving forward and never reached out to L.  I had great memories of our friendship and time together but never made any effort to try to track him down.  Sometimes people are in our lives for a short while to make a difference, help us and then move on, and I chalked him up to being one of those.

And…life moved onward.

So.  2 days after I discovered those emails in my Facebook inbox last week I was on my way into Ballard to meet L for dinner.  My God, had it really been six years?  It was like no time had passed.  I cannot tell you how great it was to just see an old friend and pick up right where we’d left off.  Definitely no hard feelings or regrets.  Just hours of talking and catching up.  And a brief interlude between restaurants to walk his friend’s dog – the one with the beach house near my folks’.  Even seeing that dog again brought another wave of great memories whooshing back.  Wow.

What a wonderful end of year surprise!  Oh, and he and I are Facebook friends now, of course.  He says, “hey, let’s try staying friends this time, OK?”  

I think that’s a GREAT idea.