Come Meet My Soul – the Journey, Part 4 of 4

16 Sunday Dec 2012

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I have to laugh a little at myself because it seems whenever I try to do a ‘mini series’ of themed posts in here I lose my weekly blogging pace.  Exhibit A:  my review of the Four Agreements book last year.  Normally this glorious Sunday blogging ritual is something I look forward to…waking up with a smile after sleeping in a bit.  Sitting down at the keyboard either totally ready and knowing what I’m going to blog about…or with zero idea and just seeing what happens when I type.  I love both scenarios actually!  There’s no need for a safety net in here.  Last weekend was recovery from mental exhaustion, and I just needed to truly chill and not do much of anything except get in the gym and enjoy some downtime and cooking. 

So, it’s good to be back here after an unexpected vacay.  It’s a steely-grey, damp Sunday morning.  Silence save for a few occasional cars out on the main road.  Funny how I can tell what the weather is like before I even look out my window every morning.  The cars sound totally different on wet asphalt vs dry.

Back in mid November I started this 4-part “come meet my soul” mini series.  Joy.  Passion.  Kindness.  Today’s theme is PEACE.

How wonderfully fitting that this peace post falls right smack in the holiday season.  It’s what we all wish for and pray for.  Sometimes it’s a hard struggle out there to imagine a world with peace.  This horrific school shooting in Connecticut late last week makes me want to cry and throw up all at the same time.  I teared up when I saw my cousin’s Facebook post that “….more parents have lost their children today.”  Those words were a kick in the stomach.  My cousin and her husband lost their son in a drowning accident in 2004.  On Father’s Day of all days.  He would have turned 10 this year.  And I saw a list of the shooting victims and their birth dates.  Children born in 2006 (2006) lost their lives.  I just don’t have any words for this.

I don’t know if we’ll ever get to a state of world peace.  But I think however we get there it’s a personal responsibility…it starts with each of us as individuals.  Every day.  What choices do we make from what life puts before us each day?  Do we go through the motions unconsciously, or perhaps with a state of anger?  Or of calm?  Of happiness?  With a hunger to change things for the better?  And how?

I’m told I have a calm, grounded presence in times of stress…and to me that is peace personified.  Honestly I am much better at ‘holding’ that stance at work rather than outside of work.  But again, I’m human.  Sometimes I get jittery and rattled when my confidence is challenged.  I think we all do though.  I’m trying to continue to practice breathing through problems…and asking for help and support when I need it. Being vulnerable when I need to be – and it’s OK.  This is far easier to do when I’m feeling – well – at peace.  Rested, fed, getting enough exercise…all the basics that fuel the best Me.  If I’m tired, cranky or had a tough day at work I’ve got very little left in my reserves to deal with much more.  Lately that’s how it’s been.  Man, actually for the last month work has been nutso.  Normally this time of year is the slow winding down before the holidays.  This year it’s been nothing but madness.  But madness in a good way.  This team continues to blow me away with how collaborative and helpful and respectful we are to one another while fighting the fiercest of fires.  It’s a true ensemble cast without backstabbing or finger-pointing or not saying ‘that’s not my job,’ when we all need to put other priorities aside and focus on fixing the most burning ones.  When this work engagement wraps up for me next month (by design), they’re going to be a tough act to follow.

So peace to me means being calm.  Bringing a state of serenity and grace to those around me.  Which in turn brings warmth…and love.

And this weekend has been a glorious self-refueling to get back to that center of peace.  Sleep.  Exercise. Excitement…I finally broke the 30 minute barrier in my 5000m rowing machine sessions – hit 29:26 – woohoo!  And celebrating by making a pot of hot and sour soup from scratch…topped with fresh crabmeat!  Getting the Christmas tree decorated and figuring out what last-minute shopping I still need to do and vowing not to be in the mall on Christmas Eve like I was last year, eesh.  I love weekends where there’s a list of stuff to do but no rush to do them.  This is the time I need to mentally reset.  I have 3 social evening events in the city this week and need to figure out how to make more hours in the day, ha ha!  Work is still going to be intense with longer hours required of all of us. 

So today is a day of recharging and refreshing.  Gearing up for a whirlwind, glorious week ahead.  Book club at a wine cafe.  A concert at Benaroya Hall – what a treasured jewel right smack in the heart of downtown Seattle.  And a major birthday celebration for a wonderful friend of mine to cap off the week in style.  I simply can’t wait!

Come Meet My Soul – the Journey, part 3

02 Sunday Dec 2012

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This is the 3rd of a 4-part series of posts to explore more about the 4 qualities that really are truly, uniquely me.  Last week’s post was all about PASSION…the fuel, fire, enthusiasm and zest for life and whatever I happen to be doing at the moment…or thinking about doing!

Now we’re at KINDNESS.  And I thought, well, why not check the dictionary – I think I know what it means, but what does it mean?  The word ‘kind’ means “of a sympathetic or helpful nature.”  And kindness is “the quality or state of being kind.” 

I remember when this word ‘popped’ for me in this part of our workshop exercise.  I had a mini freak-out moment.  Well, not really, but my stomach flipped a little.  But then I took a deep breath…and I knew it popped for a reason.  Yes, this is truly one of my 4 noble qualities.  This IS one of 4 things that fuels me and that I have boundless, endless amounts of – to share with the whole world and to make the world a better place.

I think I had that freak-out moment because it triggered some insecurities inside me.  Some see kindness as a weakness.  And I didn’t want to be thought of as weak.  I don’t ever want to be.  I actually had flashbacks of my childhood.  I got teased a lot for being so nice.  Genuinely nice!  Man, kids are so cruel to one another sometimes, don’t you think? 

Kindness is anything but weak.  I try to practice kindness with a good dose of healthy boundaries.  Sometimes the kind thing to do is to walk away from a bad situation and not engage further in the ‘poison.’  Or to not say anything at all – avoiding cattiness and gossip. But I’m not always happy, nice, cheerful and kind all the time.  Read other posts in here and you’ll know this.  I’m human and not a robot.  I have a bad temper, but I’ve learned to harness it and breathe through it – most of the time.  I’ve gone through low points of despair and depression – feeling broken and hopeless.  Lonely.  Misunderstood.  Angry.  But I do always come back to center.

However, I do go into new situations brimming with kindness and positivity (these two words are pretty much inseparable in my world).  This project IS going to be successful.  I WILL like that person I’m going to be introduced to and they’ll like me too.  I WILL enjoy and savor that new recipe…or that new restaurant I’m going to try.  That magazine I’m going to read.  That new exercise routine.  Know that glass half empty vs half full saying?  Well, for me the glass overflows with happiness.  I can’t remember exactly where I read or heard this, but there was some lady explaining how when she first meets people, her default is she DOESN’T like them.  That person has to ‘prove’ themselves through their personality and their behavior that she is ‘worthy’ of liking them.  All I can say to that is BARF.  UGH.  PUKE.  That’s soooo anathema to how I’m wired.  So maybe that example, explaining the opposite of how I’m wired, will make it more clear how I AM. 

So…what if that person I’m introduced to ends up being a total jerk – mean, angry, bigoted, ignorant?  It depends.  If it’s someone I’m talking to at a party and I’m not finding any common ground for us to connect with (the weather is always a last gasp attempt at conversation), well, the kind thing to do is to listen to learn.  Find out what makes this person tick!  Our default is to immediately decide whether we agree or disagree with what the other person is saying.  It takes practice to challenge that and to actually listen.  [Lord knows this came out on turbo overload during the elections!]  Or, the kind thing to do might be to excuse myself to the ladies room, powder my nose, and strike up conversation with someone else!

If it’s someone I’m working with, that’s a whole other challenge.  One of my strengths is developing great rapport and relationships with my co-workers.  I do mostly short-term consulting engagements which typically last a year or less.  So I’m constantly wrapping up something, finding another work assignment, and pretty much starting all over, working with completely different people, a completely different project and a completely different work environment paradigm if you will.  But this is a well-developed muscle within me – tootin’ my horn just a little here.  If I’m not hitting it off well with someone on a new team, I put it in perspective.  How much will I be working with this person?  How are they perceived by others on the team…is he/she in a leadership role, or one that wields a lot of influence otherwise?  Is he/she respected by others?  How long am I even going to be on this work assignment to want to invest my valuable energy ‘winning this person over’?  If it’s relatively short, I’m not going to sweat it.

Eeeking out any form of common ground with someone I don’t naturally resonate with can be very challenging.  But again, I try to listen to learn.  And I remember that, especially with men, that their opinions are everything to them.  If a man unloads his opinions on me and I vehemently disagree with every single one, well, I breathe and remember that he’s sharing them with me because he trusts me.  I’ve made it a ‘safe place’ for him to communicate.  That’s me being kind.

Not sure if this is making any sense.  That’s OK – this is my outlet for random streams of consciousness.  I love the freedom in here…and I hope you’re enjoying this journey as much as I am!

Next post:  PEACE

Come Meet My Soul – the Journey, Part 2

24 Saturday Nov 2012

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Last week I started a 4-part series of posts to explore more about the 4 qualities that really are truly, uniquely me. 

It’s the most delicious of Saturdays today.  The sun is peeking through the grey skies and slowly drying out the sogginess that was most of this week.  My Dad, brothers and I took Mom out to dinner on Monday for her birthday, had another amazing meetup with the book club Tuesday night and Thursday was a small, intimate Thanksgiving dinner with our Grandmother (age 96 1/2)!  Oh, and lots of intense work with the team during the day.  I’m relishing the memories of the week and just basking in feeling great.  Like many workplaces, we were closed Thursday and Friday.  Today feels like Sunday – but it’s not!  There’s one more day of relaxation to savor.  And boy did I need it!

While I love to shop, I’m very anti-Black Friday.  It’s beyond ridiculous.  I make a conscious point to do zero holiday shopping that day – not even online – and do something completely different.  On the rare occasion the weather is good, I’ve actually gone hiking.  Yesterday it was hitting the gym – hard.  I’m really getting into the groove of the rowing machine – it’s an amazing workout.  And I’m thisclose to breaking the 30 minute barrier on a 5000m row – yesterday my time was 30:44!  Oooh, maybe tomorrow is the day!

Now…where were we?  Oh yeah:  PASSION.  Yes…passion is yet another essential fuel that feeds me.  It’s defined as “intense enthusiasm.”  Yes, yes and YES!  Passion is giving everything you’ve got into what you’re doing or thinking about doing.  Being in the moment and savoring it.  Relishing it.  Enjoying it.  Doing your best.  It’s making a conscious choice to do something – or not – and to do whatever it is with passion.

And for me that can mean injecting a little humor into whatever it is.  Even mundane tasks like scrubbing the shower tile?  I love writing words with the scrubbing bubbles spray before cleaning.  Or making sudsy happy faces.  At the grocery store I marvel over all the wonderful choices we have, whether it’s produce, oils, cheese or flour. Even paper towels!

I shudder at going through the motions of life on auto-pilot.  Even crappy, normal things like bad weather, bad traffic…well, I just make sure there’s great music on in the car.  And try to eek out any tiny atom of humor in the situation.  In the shower I take in the scent of my favorite shower gel and really FEEL it on my body.  I feel my curves and notice my skin.  I remind myself that while I’m battling a few extra pounds, my body is curvy, strong and beautiful.  And I step out of the shower transformed!! I’m unstoppable!

When I play hockey I take in that first rush of cold air when I walk into the rink, anticipating the excitement ahead.  The satisfaction of suiting up and lacing up my skates just so.  The funny locker room banter with teammates.  The joy of setting up a great play.  The feeling out there on the ice – there’s nothing quite like it.

My dear friend T’s car license plate is PASSION.  Ah, that word makes me light up whenever I say it.  I can’t say it without smiling!

Passion can be loud, boisterous and brash…but also quiet, yet still energetic.  It’s a slow burning, steady pilot light (there’s that term again like last week!) that fuels me.  Without it we might as well fold up the tent and go home!

Now it’s time to get outside and go on a passionate walk between rainstorms, and make a passionate trip to the grocery store!

Next post: KINDNESS

Come Meet My Soul – a 4-part Journey

18 Sunday Nov 2012

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Oh yeah, here we go!  I’ve taken a beautiful leap of faith with that feeling of flying and the air whooshing all around me…and I firmly grabbed the swinging trapeze bar.  With a huge smile on my face and a squeal of delight! Bingo.

What’s going on here?  Well, last weekend I took a 3-day transformational workshop for women which was all about finding, nurturing and celebrating our inner selves.  Our inner Queens if you will.  Finding out how to bring out the best of ourselves, which in turn brings energy and life to those around us.  Understanding the power of femininity – what makes us beautiful, powerful, essential and magical!

I went in with an open heart and open mind.  And the dial on 10.  I truly believe to fully get and gain the benefits of workshops like this that you have to be in a clear, open state.  Throw away any skepticism or doubts.  Leave daily stresses behind. Given we started on a Friday afternoon, it was wonderful that we each got a moment to ’empty our basket’ in small groups.  Meaning, to take 3-5 minutes to just unload and share what’s on our minds.  Concerns with family, work…even a little guilt about being in the workshop and not taking care of what we’d normally be doing.  That was my basket to unload; I’d cleared that Friday half-day off from work months ago, but our project was starting to go sideways and it felt weird to pull away from the team.  But once I arrived downtown at the hotel where the workshop was, grabbed a quick late lunch and walked into our room, I felt calm and left that all behind.  I was ready to learn and grow.

I stumble a bit trying to describe what we did because it would not be the complete picture for anyone reading these words.  It would be like taking an apple, stamping the bottom of it on an ink pad, and printing it onto a sheet of paper.  All you would see are the 4 bottom points of the apple where it hits the paper.  That’s what my words would be like trying to explain this workshop in greater detail.  You wouldn’t ‘see’ the full apple and wouldn’t have the full context.  So with that in mind, I’ll give it a whirl.

One of our exercises was to find out what it is we wish for the whole world.  What qualities are the strongest in each of us that make the world a better place?  Once we completed these exercises and started sharing our wishes – really, ourselves – with others, it was amazing.  I looked around me and saw women transformed.  Becoming even more beautiful, relaxed and serene.  Glowing.  Yummy.  Facial tensions from our everyday stresses melting away.  A vibe of happiness and contentment filled the conference room and I could literally see it floating through the windows and swirling out into the bustling, horn-honking high energy of downtown Seattle.  I could tell one of the women wasn’t completely happy with the 4 words she chose.  But the next day she re-introduced herself to us – we were a group of 35 – and her new words truly were hers.  I was sitting right behind her and felt warmth, love and peaceful energy flowing from her.  What an incredible feeling!

So who am I?  Meet JOY.  Joy is at the seat of my soul.  It’s one of the essential pillars to be me.  Joy is happiness multiplied by infinity.  I see joy as a huge trampoline to jump and celebrate upon, or a bunch of springs going boing-boing-boing.  Funny, maybe that’s why I REALLY loved Slinkys as a kid.  When I feel joy I feel like vaulting out of my seat – a double back flip with a full twist and stick the landing!  Or just jumping up and down!  I mean seriously, if I can’t live and breathe each day of my life with joy, I might as well fold up the tent and go home.

I’ve been told sometimes that I’m “too happy.”  HUH??  Well, compared to WHAT??  I know I’m not happy all the time.  If you follow along in here you know that too.  I work through lots of struggles, problems, sadness and anger.  Life. But even at my lowest moments, I know JOY is my pilot light keeping me going.  She might just be a little dim or flickering temporarily, but she’ll shine bright and full strength again.  When she does, I’m back at my center.

And I doodle joy with stars.  Yep, it’s true!  Look through my yellow notepads of scribblings or in my work Filofax and there are stars everywhere.  I still have a large, brass paperweight a director gave me at work over 15 years ago.  What is it?  A star.  I love the shape of stars and I love looking up at the stars as they sparkle and shine at night (OK, I have to use the imagination this time of year in Seattle but I can picture it).  I ‘hear’ them twinkling in the sky.  I wonder at what’s out there.  I have an unusual love of both astronomy AND astrology…but they both are all about the stars.

I love writing joy with smiley faces.  Those emoticons we sprinkle into our online/email writings or texts?  I really and truly ‘hear’ them smiling.  I couldn’t possibly put into words what smiling sounds like but it’s a joyful, delicious sound. Oh, and know what else?  Joy just happens to be my sister-in-law’s name.  And I have THE best sister-in-law in the world, just sayin’.

Just three letters – but oh so much behind them!

An APB on my Inner Queen

04 Sunday Nov 2012

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It’s an extra blissful Sunday morning…one of my favorite times of the year!  We’ve fallen back.  That glorious extra hour gift from the end of Daylight Savings Time.  What are you doing with YOURS?

I was at the salon yesterday getting my highlights touched up.  H has been doing my hair color for over 20 years – she’s awesome and I feel like we’ve grown up together because we’re about the same age.  I almost fell out of my chair when she mentioned her daughter turned NINETEEN on Halloween.  Wow – I remember when H was pregnant with her!  So she asked what I was up to this weekend…any big plans?  It’s always fun having some place to go out with your hair all freshly colored and styled.  But nope – not last night.  Just a run to the grocery store and veging out browsing a new cookbook, talking with my Mom on the phone, watching the latest Real Housewives of Miami episode (thank you, DVR)…I’m shamelessly addicted to each franchise of The Real Housewives – I never get tired of their catty drama…these ladies kill me! And speaking of TV, I’m feeling the hunger and emptiness of no NHL hockey (stupid lockout)…normally this time of year the season would be in full swing and I’d have 9 or 10 channels of hockey to choose from.  This past week they canceled the annual Winter Classic.  This is not good, fellow hockey fans.  As a friend of mine posted on Facebook, “It’s a little like when you know you’ve hurt your leg, but having them cancel the Winter Classic is like seeing the bone poking out.”  Dammit, people, let’s make a deal already and get our boys back on the ice!  (The dispute is over the revenue sharing split between the NHL and the players’ union).  Well, if things keep going as they have been, they’ll have a blast figuring out how to split ZERO.  Oh, I try to remain optimistic but if there’s no hockey this season it’s gonna be one long, empty winter.  And spring.

So not really having any major plans this weekend was just fine with me.  Downtime gives me the fuel I need to recharge.  This upcoming week is going to be super busy and crescendo-ing all the way through next weekend, and I’m feeling all tingly just thinking about it!

Back in late April I went to a weekend-long transformational workshop for women which focuses on understanding (and celebrating) men and their behavior.  In fact, the name of the workshop is Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women!  Wow!  Kind of a different way to look at that whole dealio, right?  It has completely changed my perspective of men and melted away lots of past resentments and misunderstandings. I’ve forgiven myself for my past actions which have (unintentionally) damaged relationships with men in my life – family, co-workers, platonic friendships and men I’ve dated and had relationships with. I didn’t know what I didn’t know! The women I’ve met in these workshops tell me their relationships with their husbands and sons have bolted to a whole other level.  This coursework also saves marriages!  Wow!

Now, this doesn’t mean I still don’t occasionally get frustrated or puzzled or even angered.  And it doesn’t make excuses for anyone.  It’s kind of like getting a new set of glasses and forgetting to put them on – it’s easy to fall back into old habits of reacting and responding certain ways or making incorrect assumptions.  That’s OK.  I have the rest of my life to learn, practice and grow as I apply what I’ve learned every day!  Men have VERY good reasons for why they do what they do (or don’t do), and most often the reason is NOT what we as women might think it is!  It’s truly astonishing how differently we are wired! 

I’m getting a double-shot bonus of TWO buckets of new goodness which build upon the CMSW workshop from last spring.  First of all, Alison A. Armstrong, the champion behind this amazing material, has just published a new e-book called The Queen’s Code.  It’s not your typical book!  It’s actually a comprehensive, online experience.  Each week she releases a new chapter to read and download onto your device of choice.  The website allows you to post a short video with a question about the chapter contents (totally optional of course), and fellow subscribers can vote on their favorite questions.  Then, Alison does a ‘weekly wrap up,’ where she posts her own video, responding to the questions which received the most votes.  I’ve never experienced anything like this and if you are the slightest bit intrigued I highly recommend checking the website out and joining the conversation.  The book and online experience is just $14.95.  [I’m not affiliated with the company at all – just a huge fan!]

I also joined a book club which meets every week to discuss the latest chapter. We are meeting at Wine Tea Chocolate in Seattle’s Fremont neighborhood. Not only is this a great group to gather with, but also fun for me to get my ‘city fix’ and out of the suburbs.  And we’re blessed to have a guy joining our conversation as well – nothing better than getting things validated straight from the male point of view!

AND, next weekend I will be joining a second weekend-long workshop which builds upon what I learned last April.  It’s called Celebrating Women:  Regarding Ecstasy and Power.  Or “The Queen Course.”  I’ve been counting the weeks and months waiting in anticipation for next weekend…and it’s almost here!  Why is this course I signed up for months ago also now right in the middle of the Queen’s Code e-book chapters and our book club?  There are no accidents.  It’s time for me to really look deep within myself and learn how to better nurture myself.  Improve my own, unique operating manual.  It’s kind of funny trying to write about something I’m going to do when I don’t really even know what’s going to happen. 

I just know it’s going to be a fabulous, growing experience.

…and another Thank You, Jude Cole (Take 2)

31 Wednesday Oct 2012

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How come my favorite singer/songwriter’s music is so dang hard for me to blog about?  Man, I re-read my post from last Sunday and it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.  Normally when I post it’s like a stream of passionate consciousness – done in one take.  That last post…well, I went back and tweaked a few things.  It’s rare I find myself at a loss for words! So yeah, that last post is alright but I’m still not completely happy with it.  So, I thought…why not just start a new one? 

I think this is the first time in over 20 years of loving Jude’s music that I’ve tried writing down how much it means to me.  And I stumble and struggle to find the right words.  When talent this extraordinary stirs your soul and music this fantastic is so timeless, saying how much I love and appreciate it doesn’t seem like enough.

A View from 3rd Street and Start the Car (two of his five solo albums) are now happily back in my car’s CD player.  So what if it’s rainy and blustery outside, traffic sucks and is even worse with some stoplight outages, slowing everything to an even more painful crawl?  I’ve got two of THE best CDs of all time cranked and I’m smiling and singing along shamelessly.  Fellow commuters, don’t be jealous!

I’ve read that when you listen to 3rd Street that “you don’t hear a single.”  Never heard of that expression before but I totally get it.  It means that EVERY track is stupendous; there isn’t just one or two that sound made for radio play and everything else is filler and skippable.  How many CDs are in your collection where you “hear no singles?”  I bet not many.

When I listen to these songs again I’m inspired to get back to playing the piano.  Maybe learning how to play guitar finger-style, rather than just the few chords I can clunkily strum.  I remember how I felt as an early/mid 20-something when I heard these songs for the first time.  And I smile at how wonderful they still sound today through all I’ve gone through in life.  His rich, creative harmonies.  His lyrics that have celebrated my highest of highs and carried me through my most angst-ridden lowest of lows.

Rise over the darkness / sail above the clouds / faith keep me from falling / and I swear I won’t look down.  That’s from Right There Now from Start the Car. My God how those lyrics have been my gut-wrenching prayer countless times, sung at the top of my lungs, choking through sobs with tears streaming down my face.  And yet also with jubilation, celebrating getting through that pain.

And – squee!! – I stumbled upon a Jude Cole Facebook group.  An unoffical fan site – it just was set up for people who love his music.  Wow, I’ve found My People who GET this passion for this incredible talent!!

And thanks to the magic of YouTube I found a few gems – a couple of videos from back in the day – PLUS (major bonus) some live, acoustical versions of his songs.  OK wow.  A talented singer/song-writer who sounds just as amazing LIVE as he does in his albums – dear God, I think I can die happy now. 

Pardon my gushing, but here we go:

Baby, It’s Tonight video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pavmG-YKLM (from 3rd Street).  Ah, the memories. 

Time for Letting go video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyDFfVMTGW0&feature=related   I honestly had not seen this video until just recently – the song is GORGEOUS.  And like one of the commenters posted, HIGH 5 if you’re still listening to this song.

Holy crap this is beyond amazing – Baby It’s Tonight (acoustical): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8ODFMRJsMw

And lastly (for now), his acoustical performance of Tell the Truth on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKqD3U3CKb8&feature=relmfu

Thank You, Jude Cole

28 Sunday Oct 2012

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Is it possible in all of my 200-some posts that I have yet to devote one to music?  It likely is!

Where do I begin when it comes to music?  What a haven and solace it is.  Don’t we all have songs that trigger boatloads of memories…the ones whenever you hear them you remember EXACTLY what you were doing and who you were with the first time you heard them.  You sing along and know every lyric.

I started taking piano lessons at age 5 and continued through age 15.  Mostly classical with a little jazz thrown in.   Choir (all kinds from chamber, renaissance and vocal jazz) was a huge part of my high school and college life.  Lots of my time in school was actually spent outside of the classroom performing and touring with various choirs…which was just as educational to me as sitting in a lecture hall or with my nose in a book studying.  After college I joined a church handbell choir and stayed with the group for 15 years!  What a joy it is to make music in an ensemble – and share it with an audience.  Our tour through Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia and Italy in the summer of 2001 was incredible!

Sometimes people ask me who my favorite group is or what kind of music I like.  As with lots of things, my tastes are very eclectic.  It’s hard for me to name just one group or one kind of music.  Shuffle through my iPod and you’ll find everything from Bach to Lynyrd Skynyrd to Carpenters to The Who to AC/DC to Kylie Minogue, plus lots of dance/electronic music (great for workouts). I’m a huge fan of c89.5 radio here in Seattle (a high school student-run station)…and I’m probably decades out of their target demographic but who cares.

So who’s my favorite group of all time? The Police and INXS (see, I really can’t just name one).  And I’m proudly dating myself with those answers – yes, I came of age in the 1980s.  In high school, The Police were da bomb. Their music was everywhere. I literally wore out two copies of Ghost in the Machine (on cassette tape). I saw them in concert in 1983 – my first EVER live concert (at the relatively late age of 16 compared to lots of my friends).  30 years later I still have a huge crush on Sting.

Later in college I discovered INXS.  Michael Hutchence (their lead singer) could do no wrong in my book.  The man practically oozed sex with his stage presence and that sultry, husky voice.  Many a wild college party had INXS blaring in the background.  And really late one night in 1997 as I was moving to a new apartment and on my 3rd trip hauling boxes of stuff in my car, I heard on the radio that he had committed suicide.  I about cried.  What a tragedy!  What a loss!

As I finished college and started my working career I remember thinking to myself…what kinds of music will be hot in the 1990s and beyond?  What kinds will I like – and not like?  What music will be in my adulthood soundtrack?

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to one of THE most talented and most criminally underrated singer/songwriters in modern history:  Jude Cole.  There are a lot of great singers out there, but those few who also write their material get HUGE props from me.

How to describe his music?  Man, that’s a tough one.  It just rings and resonates so deeply in me down to my toes that it’s hard to put words to the feelings. Let me take a stab at it:  Rock shot through with a touch of blues.  Raw emotion and energy.  You hear that mid-western ‘down to earth-ness.’ Grit along with slick, polished production.  Some have categorized his music as “adult contemporary” which totally misses the mark.  “This is no syrup-y Richard Marx clone,” quips a music reviewer on Amazon.com.  Spot on true!

In 1990 A View from 3rd Street, his second album, was released.  From this sprang two top 40 hits:  Baby, it’s Tonight and Time for Letting Go.  Baby, It’s Tonight has more of a pop, upbeat vibe, while Time for Letting Go is slower mid-tempo – and GORGEOUS.  These are probably my two favorites from that album along with Hallowed Ground. But all 10 songs on this album are amazing – there are no filler tracks.  And yes, this was yet another cassette tape I wore out back in the day.

1990 – oh man.  Back then I was 23 and sharing a dumpy 2 bedroom apartment in Seattle with a great friend from high school and college.  We were both trying to carve out our places in the world, just getting our careers underway.  We had a killer view of Gasworks Park, Lake Union and downtown Seattle, yet our apartment had no dishwasher or garbage disposal.  I remember watching MTV with her on our teeny little TV and hearing Jude’s music for the first time – WOW.

Now when I listen to this CD today (and sing along loud and proud), I am STUNNED that it’s 22 years old!  The tracks are timeless. What a talent with that golden, rich tenor voice.  Go find the videos on YouTube and you’ll see they’re now a little dated but hey, it was 1990.  But what never gets old is the Jude eye candy. Those warm brown eyes, that sexy cleft chin and stubble and the way he plays his guitar and that all-knowing little smirk he does at the end of some of his videos and…

…is it warm in here?

So what happened?  The guy sadly pretty much dropped out of radio play altogether.  Meanwhile his last CD, Falling Home, was released in 2000.  [Raining on the Moon is my favorite song from that one as a side note.]  And since then – ?  Well, from what I have read online he manages the group Lifehouse.  Props for staying in the music industry, but man oh man, why did this brilliant, handsome song-writing genius not become a MEGA star with tons more albums of his own?  I honestly don’t know.  But I have a feeling the massive steamroller called grunge which bulldozed through the music industry starting around 1991-1992 probably had a lot to do with it.  Casualties everywhere if you were not a part of that scene.

Pick up any grunge-era CD from Nirvana, Alice and Chains or Pearl Jam and presto – you hear 1990s grunge.  Which had its time and place.

But play any Jude Cole CD…and it’s timeless.  Thank you, Jude.  Your music is the soundtrack of my adulthood.

Sicilian Cooking Weekend!

21 Sunday Oct 2012

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Ah, Sicily.  Yet another place I dream to visit someday.  What is it about it that fascinates me?  Well, I fell in love with Italy when I first traveled there in summer 2001…which seems like eons ago and a whole other era now but the memories are seered in forever.  But I only got to experience part of the northern region – Venice (where I could have stayed for 6 months) and Lake Como.  Breathtaking.  And I know there is so much more of Italy to experience.

I have a fascination with islands as I blogged about when I first got fivenineteen underway.  And I love traveling to places that are completely different from where I live – guess that’s the main reason…to get immersed in a totally different way of going through life.  Complete with different weather.  Different food.  Different languages and cultures.  I am proud of where I live but I know there are many different ways to live life on this planet of ours.  And it’s a privilege to travel and experience these different ways.

Let me share with you another cookbook in my collection that I’ve blown the dust off of and rediscovered.  Cucina Siciliana by Clarissa Hyman.  The link is to the paperback version; I’m very glad to have this treasure in hardback.  The book is full of beautiful photography (by Peter Cassidy) and information about the region’s history and people.  That’s just as fascinating to me as the food!

The first sentence inside the front cover makes me tingle: “Sicily is where Europe ends and Africa begins, a sun-fired melting pot of East and West.”   Ooooh!!!  I pulled out a map and sure enough…Sicily is closer to the country of Tunisia than it is to Rome!  

I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect in Sicilian-style cooking…what does it mean?  Well, in reading through this cookbook I learned it means a lot of things, but mostly this:  intense, flavorful and refreshingly simple.  Most of these dishes have very few ingredients. 

The first recipe I tried was a sausage and eggs dish…for dinner!  I had to look twice – nope, this really IS in the dinner section of the book!  I scratched my head, for sausage and eggs for me is typically a breakfast or brunch combo.  But then I remembered I had some hot Italian sausage and some eggs in the fridge that needed to be used up – perfect timing!  And why not try it for dinner?

Fennel seed sausage and scrambled eggs – serves 2

  • 1 medium onion, sliced
  • Olive oil
  • 2-3 fennel seed sausages, chopped, casings removed if thick
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/3 C pecorino cheese, grated
  • Salt
  • Peperoncino or black pepper
  • Toasted Italian bread

Fry the onion slowly in the olive oil until soft and golden.  Add the sausage and fry for 10 minutes.  Beat the eggs, then mix in the cheese, salt and peperoncino.  Pour the egg mixture over the heat and scramble gently.  Serve over slices of toasted bread.

See what I mean about wonderful yet simple ingredients?  This picture was taken right when I poured the egg, cheese and peperoncino into the pan to scramble.  Yum!  I recommend reducing the heat slightly after adding the eggs, as they will cook quickly and continue to cook somewhat even after removing them from the heat to serve.

I was tempted to substitute a different cheese as I wasn’t familiar with pecorino.  Boy I am glad I didn’t!  Pecorino is a hard cheese with a sharp, intense flavor that’s hard to describe.  But definitely worth a small splurge for the burst it adds to this dish.  And since it’s a hard cheese it will keep far longer in your fridge than a softer cheese.  And it’s easy to grate.  So no excuses…go find some pecorino!

Author’s notes about sausage:  “It’s a rare Sicilian who will buy sausages without standing in front of the butcher ensuring they are made to personal specifications.  A popular way of cooking them is on a skewered coil on the char-grill (alla bracie) or fried with bitter wild greens.

“Sicilian sausages are thin and made from coarsely chopped pork and wild fennel seeds.  Some prefer a combination of pork and veal, others a mixture flavored with cheese and white wine.  Opinions vary on whether the cheese should be grated or cubed, and there are those who leave it out altogether and add parsley.  The mixture should not be too fatty or too lean; it should be just right.  So, the only way to ensure you don’t end up with someone else’s inferior recipe is to stand and watch the butcher make them.”  I love it!

Next up was a seafood recipe.  I could eat seafood every day and am so glad to live in an area where we are fortunate to have it pretty much fresh right out of the ocean.  And so much variety available to us.  What caught my eye thumbing through the pages?  Swordfish!  When was the last time I had swordfish?  Probably out at a very nice restaurant.

I am a weirdo and really enjoy grocery shopping.  Maybe it’s not so weird – I’m sure there are many of you out there who love it too. It’s definitely a pleasure.  And I’ve gotten to know the guys at the seafood counters at a couple of my favorite grocery stores.  I’ve learned to not be shy and ASK questions.  They LOVE to share information and help you out (duh).  I’m certainly not shy, but have started to chit-chat more and ask their opinions about the different types of seafood, where it’s from and how often they get deliveries in.

You can imagine the look on my face when I happily marched up to the seafood counter to ask for swordfish.  Whoops! It’s considered ‘exotic’ and usually needs to be ordered in advance.  Really?  I’m staring at boatloads of beautiful salmon, gorgeous halibut, cod, tuna, oysters, clams, mussels…and no swordfish.  Not even at the second place I swung by.  I was stunned!  But now I know.  I suppose I could have trekked over to the Pike Place Market but I didn’t feel like it.

So I went with shrimp as a substitute for this next recipe.  It’s definitely not anything like swordfish but practicality won out, as I had some shrimp that needed to be used up.

Swordfish alla ghiotta – serves 4

  • 1/4 C olive oil
  • 1 onion, finely chopped
  • a few sprigs fresh parsley, chopped
  • 1 stick celery, chopped
  • 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
  • 2/3 C tomato sauce
  • 1 T capers
  • 3 oz green olives, chopped
  • Salt
  • Peperoncino or black pepper
  • 4 swordfish steaks
  • Fresh basil leaves

Heat the oil in a large frying pan and saute the onion until it wilts.  Add all the other ingredients except the fish and basil, stir well and simmer for 10 minutes.  Check the seasoning, then add the fish and spoon some of the sauce over it.  Cover and cook on a low heat for 10 minutes.  Serve the fish and sauce sprinkled with torn basil leaves.

After reading more of this cookbook, I learned that the swordfish catch in Sicily is limited and commands a high price.  I wonder if it’s becoming an extinct species?  But as an old Sicilian proverb goes, “If you want to eat fresh fish, you mustn’t have a tight wallet.” 

Here’s a shot of all of the ingredients cooking yummily along.  Yes, this is actually the same pan I used to cook the eggs and sausage!  If I had been using swordfish or other fish steaks I would have definitely used a larger pan.  I chose to add the parsley more toward the end rather than as part of the cooking process as the recipe calls for. I don’t like it when parsley gets too wilted – just my personal preference.

“Alla ghiotta” means “appetizing.”  It truly is, even substituting the shrimp!  I really enjoyed both of these recipes and can’t wait to try more! 

And dream of someday wandering the markets of Sicily.  Buon appetito!

Fighting to be Happy

14 Sunday Oct 2012

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…while suppressing that inner volcano of mine.  Despite being a relatively overall positive and happy person, I have a bad temper.  I just rarely show it.  Sometimes I get so goddamn mad I can’t see straight.  I rage within.  Perhaps this is the Taurus in me…perhaps it’s just DNA.  Sometimes it scares me.

It started on Friday.  I got some news that deeply upset me, that popped out the last hole in my patience punch card.  I’m done.  I’ve had a home improvement project underway here in the townhouse since early February.   It was supposed to be done in June.  It was supposed to be done mostly with the help of a good friend of mine who put the whole plan together.  Money changed hands as part of this deal…which is still barely a third of the way complete and that’s being generous.  Hard to put a fraction label on it.  All I know is I’ve been living amongst various forms of shifting clutter and it’s extra noise in my life I don’t need.

The bad news was time, or lack thereof rather.  Yet another schedule hiccup which means no work on the home project this weekend.  [We’d planned to do the work just a few days prior.]  I sat at my desk at work that Friday morning when the bad news text popped up.  And I about dropped my phone.  Unbelievable.  My response?  Silence.  I was so furious I was afraid what I might say in response if I picked up the phone or texted a reply. 

This is why I sometimes hate texting.  I can’t tell if there’s any inkling of apology, compassion or accountability behind the words that we couldn’t work on the project this weekend.  And I feel like my generous spirit, kindness and understanding have been partially ripped out of my body, stomped on and made a mockery of.  Taken advantage of. THAT’S what triggered my rage.

I seethed and fumed the rest of the day, both pissed off and feeling ashamed of myself too.  This is a First World problem for sure.  Nobody’s dying and nobody’s house burned to the ground.  When I get this way I don’t always know how to handle it.  Do I let my anger eat up my insides?  Do I send a nastygram text back to him? Do I make everyone else’s day miserable and lash out?  Do I go punch something?  Cry?  Let myself get dragged down in an ugly spiral, remembering all the other times the men in my life have let me down?  Oh boy, we’re teetering on a slippery slope with that last sentence I know.  I’ll try to reel it back a little in here.

I got home feeling like a deflated balloon.  Yeah, I cried a little through my dinner.  I even tried watching Rock of Ages as it had just come out in movies on demand on TV.  And I couldn’t get into it, despite a kickass soundtrack that hits right smack in my generation…those of us who literally came of age in the 1980s.  Side note:  know what bothered me about this movie?  It’s a MUSICAL!  And – surprise – as much as I love all kinds of music and singing, I just can’t get into musicals.  The way that people spontaneously burst into song and choreography just bugs me.  Chalk that up to a personality quirk I guess.  Same reason I can’t stand karaoke and don’t watch American Idol or X-Factor.

I woke up angry on Saturday morning.  I tried thumbing through a couple of cookbooks to get inspired to try a new recipe.  I even made a lime vinaigrette on a random whim to get my creative juices warmed up; it’s a part of a crab and avocado salad recipe.  Nothing. I looked outside at the wonderment of early fall.  The season dial clicked HARD these past few days, and any ounce of late summer is long gone.  I went to two grocery stores and aimlessly wandered the aisles, trying to mentally savor everything and find something to inspire me.  I came home with a small bag of organic rainbow quinoa, some olives, a tomato, shallots, a couple heads of garlic and some goat cheese.

Even dinner last night was a bust.  I tried making chicken breasts with a garlic and goat cheese sauce.  Perhaps the actual highlight of my weekend was roasting two heads of garlic in my oven for a couple of hours.  LOVE that aroma!  But the recipe was bland and unfulfilling, even with the roasted garlic.  Even sprinkling on a few capers for some color and kick didn’t work.  Bland and unfulfilling…I think that’s how I’ve been feeling this entire weekend actually.  A little wounded, shut down and not open to savoring things around me. 

So I know myself well enough that this dip in my mood is temporary.  I know the balance between negating it and wallowing in it.  There IS a happy medium.  This time it’s a full weekend. I have a plan on how to deal with this perpetual postponing of my home project and I just need to put it in motion. 

I’m a little scared.  Someone went out on a limb to offer to help me and in turn I’d help him.  After some negotiation I agreed and did my part.  Perhaps I was naive thinking that someone would actually finish what they start, or if they couldn’t they would call that out and suggest another way to help – not just leave me hanging.  Perhaps I should have negotiated more strongly, like a business transaction.  Perhaps I was stupid to think oh, he’s a friend, he’ll make good on it in the timeframe he proposed.  Which has extended out months…which I’ve been gracious and understanding about.

No more.

Keep Calm and Sparkle On!

07 Sunday Oct 2012

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Next month marks my two-year anniversary of becoming a Silpada Designs rep, representing fabulous .925 sterling silver jewelry!  I’ve loved this line of jewelry for years and so when I took the plunge to sell it, it was an easy choice.  I’m passionate about it – the design, materials and craftsmanship are simply the best out there.  And the style is “hip/classic,” meaning on-trend but not trendy.  I love seeing women in their 20s AND women in their 70s wearing the same jewelry, rocking them their own way and looking great!  Stylish and chic.

.925 sterling silver is the highest quality of sterling silver available – it’s the same grade of silver that Tiffany’s uses…but nowhere near Tiffany’s price points!

Now, you may hear the term ‘.925 sterling silver’ and wonder…just what the heck does that MEAN?  Well, here’s the answer:  .925 sterling silver is an alloy (a mixture) of silver, copper and zinc.  92.5% of it is silver, and the remaining 7.5% is copper and zinc.  Pure silver on its own is far too soft to be useful for anything like jewelry or silverware, so copper and zinc are added as strengthening agents.  That’s it!  And Silpada’s sterling silver is not plated, meaning it’s not coated in a thin layer on top of brass, for example.  So you won’t have problems with it ‘wearing off’ over time.  In fact, Silpada offers a lifetime guarantee on every piece of jewelry…with free postage for returns and exchanges! Now THAT’S even more reason I’m proud to represent this product – the company stands behind its jewelry 100%!

There are other grades of silver out there that are mixed with other metals such as nickel.  Silpada jewelry is absolutely nickel-free.  I always mention this at my home shopping parties or when people ask me in general about the jewelry.  Nickel is known to cause allergies and skin reactions in some people.  Ever had a necklace or ring cause your skin to turn green?  That’s likely a nickel allergy.  It’s happened to me with other brands of earrings.  Now, I have had customers show me where they’ve had skin irritations with Silpada jewelry, mostly on their fingers underneath their rings.  The cause of this is not the sterling silver, but water and/or lotion getting trapped between the ring band and the skin.  The skin turns pinkish rather than the green I’ve seen with nickel. 

The solution is to stop wearing the ring for a few days to allow the skin to heal.  Then be sure to dry your hands completely after washing them, and dry your rings inside and out before putting them back on.  And try not to put lotion where you wear your rings (admittedly this can be a little challenging).

Speaking of water, I do not recommend bathing or showering in jewelry either.  I do know of customers who do this with no problems (and I cringe as they tell me; hopefully my facial expression is enough to discourage doing that).  Over time the residue from soap and shampoo can dull and mar the jewelry’s finish.  And please, everyone, remove your bling before getting in a pool or hot tub!  The chemicals in the water will react horribly with the sterling silver, leaving ugly, orange and brown rust-like splotches on it.  I’ve seen lots of unfortunate-looking pictures of this in our Silpada Facebook group.

I’ve been asked about the best ways to care for sterling silver jewelry, to keep it looking beautiful for a lifetime. Sterling silver does tarnish (darken) over time, and exposure to the open air speeds up this process a little.  It’s actually the copper in the sterling silver alloy that causes this.  Now note that the darkened (oxidized) look is sometimes part of the design of the jewelry itself to showcase its handcrafted textures and beauty, so a little oxidation is not always a ‘bad’ thing.  I also find that pieces I wear a lot tend to pick up a little of the oils on my skin and just need occasional cleaning.  

Keeping your jewelry stored out of direct sunlight is the best way to slow down the tarnishing process.  I don’t follow this rule 100% so I know I will need to spend a little more time and love caring for what I have to keep it looking its best.  There are two ways I’ll share with you today.

1.  Use a polishing cloth.  Silpada’s polishing cloth is 8″ x 10″.  It’s white and treated with a jeweler’s rouge to remove the tarnish from sterling silver and it comes in a resealable envelope.  It also works great on your gold and platinum jewelry too!  Did you know that Silpada donates $1 from every $5 cloth purchase to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, and has donated over $1 million since the launch of this program?  Just this year at National Conference in Kansas City, Silpada presented JDRF with a check for $127,000!  

How long does a cloth last?  The answer depends on how much jewelry you are polishing and how tarnished it is when you start.  Typically my cloths last about 3-4 months, but your mileage may vary.  It’s a great way to keep jewelry looking its best AND donate back to a great cause.

2. Another cheap and quick way to bring back the shine…a little baking soda, tin foil and boiling water!  This is a great method if you have a lot of jewelry you want to get sparkling all at once.  I’m going to start doing this the day before my home shopping parties to really make sure my display pieces are in tip-top shape.  What a timesaver!

Find a Pyrex bowl or baking dish and place your jewelry in it.  Grab some tin foil, and crumple it with your hands.  Loosen the crumpled tin foil slightly and place it in the bowl or baking dish.  Sprinkle a little baking soda lightly over the jewelry.  Pour boiling water over the jewelry, enough to cover it completely.  Let sit 20 minutes.  Remove jewelry from the mixture, rinse it lightly and pat dry completely.  The water will still be a little warm, so use caution at first when removing your jewelry.

Above is a picture of the sparkle in progress!  Note I do not have my burners turned on – I just placed my baking dish with the jewelry on it so it would be near the boiling water in the tea kettle.

Don’t freak out about pouring boiling water onto your jewelry (I admit I did at first, but this method was recommended by a senior Silpada rep so I trusted it would work and not be harmful).  Remember, the jewelry was crafted at far higher temperatures than 212 degrees F (100 degrees C)!

And, ta daaaa…here’s my sparkling beauties!  This is just a small sample of what I bring to jewelry parties…see why I have the ‘best part-time job in the world’?  I get to wear my inventory wherever I go, get paid to party (I earn commission on every piece sold), and my hostess gets free jewelry credit depending on the amount of her party sales!  All in a totally casual, no-pressure environment.  I don’t have to do any sales pitches or memorize silly presentations for guests to have to sit through.  Nope!  We just eat, drink, socialize and play in the jewelry – that’s it!

If you do want to try this method, please read this ‘fun fine print’ before starting.  First, do NOT put any sterling silver jewelry in the baking soda bath that contains other materials such as pearls, diamonds, faceted glass, CZs or any other semi-precious stones.  You risk harming the stones – I have no idea how baking soda would react with any other materials.  Do not use this method for jewelry which has leather or cord as part of the design.  Again, not sure how baking soda would react with it, and getting leather or cord wet in general weakens it.  I also have not tried this with plated jewelry (jewelry which has a layer of sterling silver over another metal such as brass) so I’m not sure if it’s OK or not.

Be sure to use a Pyrex glass bowl or baking dish.  No metal bowls!  Use Pyrex or another brand of glass that can handle boiling water without shattering.

Do you know how to tell if a piece of jewelry is .925 sterling silver? It will have a “.925” stamp on it somewhere.  It’s sometimes tiny and hard to find, but it’s there!  Or try the magnet test – hold your jewelry next to a magnet and watch what happens.  If it’s .925 sterling, it won’t stick!  If it does, your jewelry contains other metals.

If you have any questions about the cloth, the baking soda bath or the jewelry please feel free to post a comment or message me!