The Ugly Crescendo

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I felt like something ugly and draining snuck up and tried swallowing me whole this week.   And by the time I realized it was happening it was too late.  Call me One Big Trainwreck.  Stuck in quicksand.

This past week was midwinter break for a lot of families.  And while the company I work for does not observe the President’s Day holiday, many people take that day off anyways because the kids are off from school.

Burdened, alone and sometimes overwhelmed.  Those were some of the things I felt last week trying to get through work and covering for others.  I am always honored when my manager or another co-worker asks if I (a consultant who is not a permanent part of the team) wouldn’t mind being their backup contact while they are away, should others in the office need something urgent.  It feels good to be needed.  But I don’t like feeling alone.  I like having people around me, which is part of the reason I don’t like working from home.  I enjoy the constant interaction.  So when hardly anyone is around in the office it’s eerie.  And while I can handle just about anything that comes my way and speak on others’ behalfs while they’re out (mostly), it is draining.  I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.  And it gets really heavy sometimes. 

Perhaps I am even a teensy bit envious of those who get paid vacation time.  As a consultant I am only paid for hours I work, and typically my work engagements are a year or less in length.  So it is not always a good idea to schedule a leisurely vacation.  It might be during a crucial point in a project – a major milestone.  And I may still be processing the last residue of pain from my unemployed stretch a couple of years ago.  Meaning, don’t bitch about work.  Just DON’T.  And WORK, fivenineteen, WORK.  It is a privilege to work, not a right.

Jealousy be damned.  I am not a jealous type, so when it does leak into my being like it admittedly did thinking of everyone enjoying their vacations, it catches me off guard.  Sneaky bitch.

So while I am the queen of to-do lists, the big stuff didn’t get done this past week like I had hoped.   I mistakenly assumed that I would have a lot of catch up time on my hands in the office to tackle some more high-level, strategic work that’s needed attention.  But that was not the case at all.  Lots of Littles popped up.  Unexpected situations that needed attention.  Nothing too difficult to fix, but still time consuming.  And sometimes exhausting.

I think by Wednesday I was feeling a little ‘off.’  Hard to describe but I felt weighed down physically and mentally.  A little jittery, even without coffee.

L texted me sometime Tuesday or Wednesday asking if he could crash at my house Thursday night.  He has client meetings near my house sometimes and lives a ways from here and has done this on a couple of other occasions, on nights we’re not doing any of that popcorn ceiling scraping.  One time it was because there was a gas leak in the house he rents and he needed to stay elsewhere while the leak was being contained.

L is a wonderful friend for sure.  But it’s a very different dynamic having a guy over at my house just hanging out who truly is a great friend and nothing more.  I’m learning this very quickly. He just crashes on my couch and either leaves early in the morning to beat traffic or stays to get some work done at my house and leaves a little later and locks up.  On Thursday, the night he wanted to come crash at my place, I had dinner plans with a girlfriend and told him I won’t be home until late but would leave a house key hidden for him. 

Little did I know how the world would all come crashing down around me that Thursday.  Held off briefly by some incredible sushi and a couple glasses of wine with my dear friend T at Izumi.  Hands down the best sushi in the Seattle suburbs.  Mouth watering and spectacular, with a very charming sushi chef at the sushi bar who is a great conversationalist.  I could subsist on sushi there every day, even though it would be a little hard on my wallet. 

My mind started to wander during dinner and I felt preoccupied and restless.  Here I was having a fun night out with a wonderful friend and I was having some sort of anxiety thingy wash over me.  I knew when I got home that L and his friend’s dog would be there.  And I felt like that was going to be an invasion of my space that night, even though I’d told him a day or two prior it would be OK.  It was starting to feel like it wasn’t going to be.  And why was I feeling this way?  What’s the big deal?  IS it a big deal or is it kind of weird when a male friend wants to just randomly crash at your place occasionally?  I don’t know about you but I’ve never had a platonic friendship with a (straight) guy that went to that level.  And come to think of it neither with a gay guy friend either.  Why was I letting this upset me so much?  And oh yeah, once I got home I needed to start filling out some paperwork that an escrow agent sent for a neighbor who is selling his townhouse.  Stuff like that you cannot delay, and we’re a small, self-run HOA…and….and…And ahhhh, there I went.  Questioning my feelings and getting overwhelmed all at once.  Let the downward spiral begin.

Have you ever been so tired that you couldn’t relax and fall asleep?  I got home and L was chilling out watching TV with the dog.  My head hurt.  So much for great sushi, two glasses of wine and great friendship.  It all went *poof* once I got home.  For I knew I needed to get upstairs, fire up this somewhat creaky of a laptop (6 years old and showing its age; that’s another post for another time) and crack open the documentation the escrow agent needed filled out.

Of all times for my laptop here to act up.  I had a devil of a time getting applications to stay open without hanging, and trying to edit the .pdf that they sent us.  Why realtors and escrow agents use Acrobat Reader for their documentation – that needs editing – instead of something like Microsoft Word is beyond me.  Pain in the ASS.

I felt bad for neglecting L and went downstairs periodically to see how he was doing.  My eyebrows were feeling tightly knitted together and my whole body felt clenched up and tense.  He seemed fine, but that didn’t help me relax any further.  Just seemed like a lost cause.

By 11pm I was a wreck.  I’d done all I could on the documentation, sent it to our HOA treasurer for him to finish and decided to crawl into bed.  Hugged L goodnight and went upstairs to sleep. 

What happened next was surreal.  Keep in mind I am typically a very sound sleeper, so when I get clonked with a dose of insomnia, I freak out.  Which only makes it worse I’m sure.  I thought I had been sleeping but turns out it was just some tossing and turning and dozing.  Around 1:30 am I realized what it was.  L had gone to sleep with his iPad on with ESPN news feeds or something.  And the sound actually carried very well upstairs to my bedroom.  I thought I was losing my mind as I crawled out of bed and drifted downstairs.  L was blissfully asleep, snoring steadily.  After a few attempts to wake him he woke up, apologized and turned off the iPad.  Ahhh, finally.  I think I tried going back to sleep again but then realized I was too wound up despite being so tired.  I went downstairs yet again to grab a glass of water. 

And I sat on my living room floor and just sobbed.  And sobbed.  “I’m such a fucking MESS,” I blurted out.  What is WRONG with me?  Poor L was half asleep and groggy.  He mumbled “I’m sorry, ” and went back to sleep.

I went upstairs.  NOW what do I do?  Do I read a book?  Take a bubble bath?  I don’t have sleeping pills in my house because I don’t need them.  And I am a pharmaceutical whimp.  Even “non drowsy” allergy medicine gives me a super bad buzz.

I probably went to sleep – sort of – around 5am.  I probably cried a bit too because when I had to get up for work my eyes were all puffy.  Yeah, going to work with 2-3 hours sleep at the most.  Ugh. That was when I actually felt glad most of my co-workers were out of the office.

Somehow I made it through the day – hats off to coffee and adrenaline.  But by mid afternoon my vision was blurred and I knew I needed to finish up a few reports and head home.  To crash. Hard.

I felt ANGRY most of the weekend.  Angry for letting myself get all wound up and freaked out over things that really aren’t a big deal.  Questioning my emotions.  A (thankfully) rare night of insomnia that took 2 days to recover from.  And thinking ahead of how much more work there is to do with the townhouse improvements.  Tons more popcorn ceiling scraping upstairs and down, then sanding/priming, and repainting a few other bedroom walls.  How long is my townhouse going to be in a state of semi-wreck meanwhile?  And why the hell am I having a mini breakdown over things that aren’t really a big deal?  What is WRONG?  Why can’t I be one of those easy-breezy, laid back types who don’t let anything bother them? 

Well, it turns out the Universe always brings us what we need.  What I needed to bust out of this funk was a heavy dose of HOCKEY.  And that came served up hot and fresh on Sunday. 

I have not played two games in one day in years but this was exactly what I needed apparently.  I skated mid afternoon in a charity game benefitting the Seattle Ronald McDonald House.  The annual Hockey Challenge, in its 14th year has raised over $4 million dollars for the local house here and for this we could not be prouder.  It is a privilege and honor to skate in support of the House and I relished every moment today.

Later that night it was my regular league game.  Yeah, both games were losses tonight but only by what the scoreboards said.  It felt amazing to get out there and skate.  For when I’m on the ice, nothing else matters.  I have no mental room to multi-task and worry about anything else than what I am doing on the ice at that particular moment.  And you know what?

THAT is relaxing.  I should sleep very well.

“…of course we’ll stay in touch…”

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The year was 1991.  I was 24, still shedding that college-esque mentality and trying to get my foothold into some sort of what I sort of thought was a career…of sorts.  Fumbling my way into adulthood.  I remember leaving my first job fresh out of college after being there just shy of two years.  My first time realizing that a job was not my life…and that the job I had at the time – well, the company rather – was going downhill and fast.  Little did I know I was a firsthand witness to the end of late 1980s gluttony, for real.  And when you work in an office with just six people you know more than you probably ever cared to know about them, their lives, family dramas, and on and on.  As a wide-eyed college graduate I soaked it all in intensely.  Was THIS how it was going to be the rest of my working career?  I was *just* getting used to the idea that going to work every day was not some make believe dress-up-in-skirt-and-heels-and-pantyhose type of gig.  This was earning a living.

I pulled the plug on that job in a cushy office in downtown Seattle we had no business occupying given the, well, the lack of business we were bringing in once our large cash cow account started drying up.  And I took up a new position with a freight forwarding company as a coordinator in their import department.  Yep, I answered an ad in the newspaper via snail mail and all.  I don’t even remember if I had an inside referral or not.  Memories fade.

But what I won’t forget is the environment shock.  Going from an overly-glamorous office on the 67th floor of what was then known as the Columbia Center in downtown Seattle with a 270-degree view to die for, to a cracker box of a one-story office down near Sea-Tac airport directly under a flight path.  Or so it sounded, as the building rattled every time a plane took off and landed.  (After awhile I got used to it – probably kind of like when you live near railroad tracks).  And my bus pass became useless, for I had to now commute by car down the (old) viaduct everyday and over the (old) 1st Avenue South bridge over the Duwamish River, which was often a white-knuckled experience – a narrow, two-lane bridge which was not good for one’s blood pressure on dark, rainy mornings with a large semi coming at you in the opposite direction.  Yep, it was a reverse commute through the gritty, industrial parts of Seattle. Which was what this job was all about….no nonsense freight forwarding.  This company was travel agents for cargo – air freight, ocean freight, domestic and international both…you name it.  My job was to process paperwork that endlessly spilled onto my desk in thick envelopes from a courier or through the never ending fax machine whirr, contact the recipient named on the documentation and pitch our additional services for US customs clearance, warehousing and delivery to wherever the freight was supposed to end up.  Sometimes it was recurring business, like the one-hour photo processing equipment we regularly imported from Switzerland and Italy.  Sometimes it was boutique soaps from Europe or a 40-foot ocean container full of beer from Tasmania.  Or someone’s items for a trade show.  Or lighting samples for what was then a fledgling store concept called Home Depot. 

Or ad hoc things like a wooden statue from Thailand, which was apparently a trojan horse of sorts for drugs unbeknownst to innocent me.  Oh yeah, it’s not fun being six weeks into a new job and having two plain clothes detectives come barging into your place of work, demanding to speak to “fivenineteen” – using my full name.  How in hell did they figure out *I* was the one in that import desk position for this company?  Guess that’s why they’re detectives. Anyway, after being questioned at length (thank goodness our branch manager was present to back me up), they realized I had nothing to do with whatever “it” was.  Instead, I got to be a part of the stake out to bust the alleged smugglers. 

When the recipient of the statue came to our office to pay for the air freight charges and customs clearance services (around $400 if I recall), he whipped out a stack of C-notes like I would whip out Ones.  Actually his stack of C-Notes was probably much thicker than that.  He whipped out a few, put them in an envelope and thanked me.  Beyond that I have no idea what happened, other than I did get a quick drive by “thank you” from the detectives afterwards.  I remember counting the money after the guy left and realizing he’d left me an extra $100 bill, probably as a tip – who knows.  I felt dirty and gave it to our branch manager, who promptly put it into our party slush fund.

You know, I could never have gotten through this and so many other bizarre and hilarious scenarios if it wasn’t for J.  I think I’ve mentioned Js in other posts, so I’ll go with JL here so we don’t mix them up.

JL literally took me under her wing.  She was about ten years my senior and already well-seasoned in the freight forwarding industry, having taken up a part-time job with DHL while she was still in high school.  And speaking of high schools, she was actually a student of my Grandmother’s while at Mount Ranier High School in Des Moines, WA.  Talk about small worlds!!  She remembered my Grandmother vividly – a tough, firm teacher for sure – passionate about her students and her craft!  (My Grandmother – age 95, turning 96 this summer – taught Home Economics for a few years after my Dad and Uncle were out of the house as adults).

JL taught me so much about the freight forwarding industry – and about work ethic in general.  Coming from a small company who was starting to see business decline, my perspective of a fast-paced office was extremely shifted to the slow end of the spectrum.  It was a shock to suddenly be surrounded and swamped by constant phone ringing (we had no receptionist so we all had to take turns answering the phone and routing calls/paging people) and that ever-persistent fax machine spewing.  Neat freaks needed not apply – our desks were always stacked high with paperwork, files, post its, and thank goodness for those vertical file folder holders. 

I probably smoked a few packs of cigarettes secondhand along the way too.  JL and I were two of the few non-smokers at that company.  People were constantly either outside or in our warehouse taking smoke breaks.  This was the subject of constant internal office bickering too…smokers vs non-smokers; I remember JL taking a quick sanity break to walk outside to blow off steam one afternoon, and our manager questioning her what she was doing away from her desk. “I’m taking a SMOKE BREAK,” she snapped sarcastically.  Right on. 

So between the phone ringing off the hook (remember this was the pre-email era), typewriters, the fax machine and our stacks of US Customs-required carbon paper in triplicate, I learned a lot from JL.  Most importantly, how to multi-task.  I would listen to how she smoothed over tough situations over the phone with anyone from customers to air cargo agents, warehouse workers and truck drivers.  And I remember telling her one afternoon, “Wow, JL….YOU GIVE GOOD PHONE!”  And we laughed.

Ironically, JL and I each resigned from that company within mere weeks of one another.  Three years was enough for me.  I’d accepted a new job offer from a company that was an offshoot of my very first job right out of college.  With a 30% salary bump to boot. 

How many of you have told your co-workers, oh sure, would love to keep in touch, after either one of you moves onward?  Nowadays thanks to LinkedIn and Facebook it’s relatively easy to do so, but it still takes work. 

JL and I left that company in 1994.  And, after about a decade gap (with one baby boy born in between – JL’s son, now age 4), we got together at her house yesterday.  She and I have chatted on the phone on and off over the years – wonderful phone conversations that go on for two hours without either of us realizing it.  But yesterday finally was The Day.

Now, before I forget, JL was also my partner in crime for not one but TWO Caribbean cruises.  1997 and 2000 respectively.  Talk about keeping in touch…she and I have actually traveled together, gloriously!

I really hope it hasn’t been since 2002 since I’ve seen JL but that actually might be true.  That was the year she and her now-husband bought their home in West Seattle (and I bought my townhouse later that same year too).  I remember their housewarming party…a wonderful barbecue with tons of people and laughter, and the oohs and ahhs admiring their view.  Fast forward to 2012 and I hit the road with a smile on my face off to visit JL and meet her son for the first time!

We’d planned on going for a long walk around the neighborhood but it was really windy and blustery out.  I smiled as I drove back out to West Seattle.  I’ve blogged about this neighborhood before…the family roots are deep for my grandfather, Dad, Uncle (and Aunt, my Uncle’s high school sweetheart to this day) all graduated from West Seattle High School. 

And the picture in today’s post is the view from JL and her husband’s house.  We’re looking directly at Blake Island.  You can just see a few white caps on the Sound (if you squint; I took this with my camera phone). When it’s clear out the Olympic Mountains frame the horizon.  And, the Vashon Island Ferry goes back and forth.  It’s just glorious.

I smiled as I got nearer to JL’s house.  It was all coming back to me now.  A decade since my last visit?  The years melted away.  As I walked up the steps to their front door I saw a giggly, smiling little boy grinning at me in the window.  Wow.  JL’s become a wife and mother (at 50-something!) in the two decades plus since I first met her. 

She’s truly one of those great friends where we can just pick up where we left off.  A few hours visit just whizzed by.  She had to get back into the office for some additional work, but we sure enjoyed some great hot tea, conversation and laughs in the meantime.  She showed me a framed picture she still has of us on our first cruise back in 1997.  A smiling picture of us enjoying ourselves in St. Maarten.  I almost burst into tears.  WOW that was a great trip.  And so long ago.

Exciting Changes

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I felt compelled to put my (likely) last Blogspot post over here on fivenineteen.org too.  Continuity and all I guess.   Here it is!  (Ummm, OK so the date shows this was posted on Jan 29th but it is Jan 28th right now so we did a leap into the future looks like.  Actually that was my bad; I had the wrong time zone selected on the back end here.  Learning, learning.  All other posts should have an accurate date stamp!)

Know that feeling when you’re right on the brink of pulling the trigger on something new?  You may or may not have it all planned out but you probably have an idea of how you want things to look whenever “it” is done?

I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way.  And (but) the train is rolling, so no turning back.

What’s going on here?  Well, Dearest Followers and Readers, I’ve purchased a tiny piece of the Internet.  Fivenineteen.org.  Nope, no hyphens (yay!).

What this means is that this is likely one of the last new posts I will do on Blogspot.  I’ll continue weekly postings here on fivenineteen.org. 

Whew!  I’ve ported over all of my posts here from Day One over to the new site as well – thankfully much easier than I thought.  Please, please, check out my new work in progress here on fivenineteen.org And please pardon the dust as well, as I am learning the ropes on how to lay out this new site, choose graphics and get everything looking the way I want it.  The post pictures are kind of jacked up right now (all squooshed to the side), but I’ll get it straightened out eventually. 

Want to know a little secret?  One of my favorite parts of the Blogspot site is the side bar showing where hits come from.  It’s absolutely fascinating to me!  From countless places around the States to the UK, China, Australia, Maldives, Malta, Romania and Brazil – and so many other countries too.  I just love it.  And I hope I can replicate something similar here too – stay tuned. 

Right now I am debating whether to add my Twitter feed here, but I’m not sure I want it there.  And don’t laugh, because in adding Twitter I realized just how seldom I tweet.  So that might change too.  Follow me @five19 and see what happens.  Huge thanks to my dear friend P, who shared a bunch of great tips on site layout, adding pictures and replicating what I have here over on fivenineteen.org.  I’ve got a great to-do list for sure thanks to her.

And in other Change News, I’ve got yet another list – thanks to my guy BFF L – of a whole bunch of home improvement projects he is going to help me with.  First things first, a run (or two?) to the Dump.  This all starts tomorrow, which is why I’m blogging today on a Saturday instead of my usual Sunday (yes, I know it says Sunday; wrong time zone issue which is now fixed).  I have no idea how crazy tomorrow is going to be but I know once we get started I’m going to be really excited and on a roll.  It’s always that first step that’s the hardest, don’t you think?  Having great friends willing to help and provide ideas is the grease in my gears.  Sometimes my lists get so long I lose the prioritizing skill and PLOP.  Nothing gets done.  I get wiggy and overwhelmed.  And I’ve forewarned L I likely will along the way.  He has great ideas, and (but) he and I have very different tastes in decorating.  So this is going to be amusing and interesting.  But he knows whose name is on the title to the townhouse here, so we’re all good there.  (Meaning, mine).

So the Man Help is on the way tomorrow, and meanwhile I’ve got a ton to do to prepare today, plus get stuff for the tacos we’re going to make.  And I have a super late hockey game tomorrow night too.  Can I get a second or third wind to skate hard?

Lots more to come – and probably pictures too – as the home projects get underway.  Remember, check out fivenineteen.org here for more posts.  And if you follow me at Blogspot, why not follow me on my new site here too?  I’d be most grateful.  Yeah, I don’t care for self-promotion but there ya go – I said it outloud and most humbly.

Moving Day on the Way

Well, here we are!  After over two years of blogging it’s time for a fresh start with a new place and new ideas.  I have over 150 posts to pack up and port over here and a lot of decorating to do to fix it up around here.  And I can’t wait!

In the meantime, please pardon my dust!

– fivenineteen

Cabin Fever Week

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How quickly things changed in 24 hours.  I came home from work last Friday (the 13th, which was a good day save for saying good bye to a co-worker who is relocating overseas), relaxed at home and slept in gloriously late into Saturday.  Know that feeling when you wake up and it just ‘feels’ different?  In my bleary just-out-of-bed attempt to wake up I couldn’t quite figure out what it was…other than it was super quiet outside.  No dull drone of street noise.

Aha!  It SNOWED!  Where did I miss this on the TV weather forecasts?  I suppose I should not have been too shocked – it is January, after all. I don’t even know where to start with this one.  Other than Snow + Seattle area is a very bad combination.  For getting around, that is.  Otherwise, it’s gorgeous.  Exhibit A – the view off my back deck. 

We got around 6 inches or so in my area – by the time it was done the faint line markings from the deck in that picture were completely covered over.  After hearing news reports and reading countless local-area Facebook posts we had anywhere from around 3 inches to over a foot depending on where you were.

The power stayed on here and my furnace is working.  Everything else after that truly is all gravy.  Check out my Cold Where It’s Supposed to be Cold post from (*gulp* wow time flies) November 2010.  Two furnace repairs and a crapped out fridge just a couple months prior to that made it an expensive end of that year…after just starting to get some decent income again following a long unemployed streak.  So anyway, here we are in 2012 and I relished my warm townhouse, hot showers and the beautiful snow falling outside.

After a couple of days it got old.  Driving in the snow in the Seattle area is a hot topic for sure.  In general, it’s not a good idea.  Seriously…a few inches of snow will literally bring us to our knees.  We’re hilly.  We don’t have a ton of snow removal equipment.  We’re not like other parts of the country who deal with this routinely and life goes on.  Around here, it just doesn’t.  Hell, when a UPS truck gets stuck in your driveway, you know it’s bad.

What is it about snow?  It brings a huge Hush Hug over everything in its embrace.  I stay in my jammies all day and take naps.  At noon. 

But soon it was time to get back to work.  Thankfully this team is all about playing it safe and not trying to be heroes getting into the office.  We can all work remotely, although in the type of work we do it’s not ideal for long periods of time as I learned.

There was one small problem.  The power cord for my work laptop was still in my office!  I never bring it home because I never work from home.  It still reminds me too much of when I was unemployed, and frankly I’d rather get out of the house and be around people during the day.  In my last work assignment my work laptop was the same brand as my home one, so it was easy to just swap out the power cords between the two if I ever did work from home on rare occasion.  Not this time, however.

On Monday I was able to squeak by with doing email either from my phone or through my home laptop.  But I didn’t have full access to the internal resources I depend on to get work done.  And I attempted a few times to get the work laptop connected with my home cable modem, but the modem is new and I was unfamiliar with the steps to switch connectivity (I don’t use a router).  And I watched the battery power indicator slowly sink southward as I chatted with our corporate Helpdesk and all to troubleshoot.  No luck. 

So I knew Tuesday I needed to get into work somehow to get that power cord.  They were predicting heavy snow Tuesday into Wednesday.  Turns out the main roads were pretty clear.  It’s the side streets, sidewalks and driveways that are the problem. 

I got into work just fine and was pleasantly surprised to see my officemate there already.  Ahhh, human interaction!  We had both planned to stay for a few hours, but then got a phone call from her husband around lunch time that it was really starting to snow hard and we better get home. I’m so glad he called, because our office does not have a window and it was snowing much harder up near where my officemate and I live compared to work.

When you’re stuck at home snowbound, the cabin fever grips tight.  The novelty wears off quickly.  So to fight it off, I vowed to get out of the house at least once a day for a walk.  And it really helps – and is pretty good exercise too stomping through heavy, wet snow.

Thankfully by Friday the snow turned to rain and everything turned into a big slushfest.  Relief was coming!  Freedom! 

And what a great way to blast back into the routine of life with a wonderful Saturday.  My friend L ventured out this way to the suburbs (I joke that he’s mentally allergic to them but that’s another story).  With iPad in hand, he and I walked through the townhouse here and talked about tons of ideas to update my place.  I know my place needs work, and I know I need to keep an open mind.  We jumped around all over the place with ideas and chitchat.  And we agreed on a general plan to start work upstairs here where the bedrooms are and then slowly work our way downstairs.  

Oh boy.  That means my 3rd bedroom – the Room of Crap – is in the hotseat first.  And that’s actually a great idea as it is very underutilized space save for a large bookcase and random stuff on the floor that needs to get boxed up into storage or thrown out.  And I get to think about paint colors too, for it’s still Insane Asylum White like the rest of this place was when I first bought it.  Oh, the possibilities!  L wants to convert it to my home office and have the home office where I am now become a guest bedroom, as this room is larger and can hold a queen-sized bed. Interesting idea!

Later I headed out (Out! After not driving for 5 days!) to meet friends for our annual Chinese New Year dinner at China Clipper in Woodinville.  They have wonderful, pretty close to authentic Northern Chinese cuisine.  We had a blast at dinner and then headed over to J’s house for board games and laughter.  Know when you laugh so hard that tears stream down your face? 

Fantastic.

The Half-Assed Purple Wall

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Alrighty.  This week’s picture makes me cringe, but we’re gonna go there anyway.  Good incentive to fix this, right?  This and so much more.

This is an actual wall in one of my bathrooms here in the townhouse.  It’s a small wall where the door is.  And yeah, awhile back I thought it would be fun to paint it purple. Shitty paint job (I think my plan was to go back and do another coat with a roller like you’re supposed to) but obviously I haven’t. 

Oh dear.  I have done all of the painting here in the house myself and trust me it’s nicely done (and finished)…everywhere except here.  And this same purple, believe it or not, is on the inside of my front door.  It’s a beautiful, semi-glossy blue violet.  Ralph Lauren Canyon Iris to be exact.  This shot does NOT do it justice.  

I remember the plan now.  The plan was to paint this wall purple, to motivate me into getting rid of the God-awful (original 1980) countertop that clashes horribly with it (you can see a tiny bit of it in the lower right corner of the picture).  That countertop actually clashes with life, period.  And I was going to get rid of the scary dark brown door (and the others on the top floor here) and replace them with white ones like I did downstairs.  I shudder thinking I made those “plans” probably two years ago or more when I was unemployed.  Didn’t have much disposable income, but I sure had time.  But not enough time to finish as you can see.  What’s hilarious about this is that I have 4 sets of door hardware picked out for the upstairs – nice brushed nickel – all ready to rock, but sitting dormant in their boxes. In the hallway.  And no new doors yet.  Typical me…I zoom right in on accessories and mentally space out on the “big” stuff. 

2012 marks the 10-year anniversary of the townhome purchase. Not beating myself up here…I HAVE done a lot to update this place.  New back deck, custom wood window treatments, major appliances like the fridge, washer/dryer, stove and microwave (I’m on my second fridge; see my Refrigerator Drama post for the lovely story on that), some light fixtures and painting projects I actually finished.  But it needs so much more.  I am the queen of Lists, and I have always had a wishlist of things I want to do here on the fridge – decorating, new cabinets, ripping out carpet, countertops, flooring…

…but, knowing myself well, sometimes I just get overwhelmed.  I forget how to prioritize, I see tons of stuff I want to do on my list (and think how much it’s all going to cost) and then nothing gets done.  What’s the tipping point for a list to turn from inspiring to intimidating?  Hmmm.

Well, it’s time.  Time to get moving and get this place in decent shape and out of the lingering early 1980s funk.  A friend has offered to help me out with some of these projects and he’s going to take a look and see what he can fix and give me some advice about things in here in general too. 

Now, where did I put that IKEA catalogue…?

Snail Mail

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It’s been a pretty relaxing weekend…dang, that first week back after the holidays can be a little intense.  But nothing a virtual helmet and heat shield can’t fix.  I laugh to myself as I write this, for two years ago the New Year started off for me unemployed.  And went that way for several, sometimes-very-painful months.  So I suppose I should keep my trap (er, keyboard?) shut and not complain.  On the other hand, maybe this is a sign that times are getting better workwise and we’re back to the routine again.

I got quite a few tasks done at home including getting tons of mail sorted through, read, bills paid and everything shredded up for recycling.  Dang that feels good!  I am so happy that lots of magazines now have an option to renew subscriptions online instead of mailing in a check.  I have a bad habit of going sure, renew me, and then I mail in one of those “bill me later” forms.  Well, when you do that in October and you haven’t yet paid by January…oops.  Anyway, thanks to the internet I’m good to go.  And I just have a couple of quick thank you notes to write for Christmas gifts and I’ll be in good shape.

My mailbox goes a tad crazy over the holidays with Christmas cards, great pictures and those often-polarizing Christmas card letters.  Oh how I – mostly – enjoy reading them and hearing what everyone’s up to.  I read and wonder wow, it’s been years and years since I’ve seen some of these families.  Where does the time go?  And I giggle that I even still receive Christmas cards from people at all…the last time I ever sent out any myself was probably 1996.

Those letters!  Mostly super enjoying to savor and read, but others seem rather self-indulgent and even arrogant.  Blech.  No thanks.  

Then there’s my college BFF, P.  Her family Christmas letters are so full of love – love for family and for everyone – and the love just comes bouncing off the page as I read.  And she always includes a hand-written very nice blurb at the end of the letter.  This year’s words just went straight to my heart:  “I hope you know how I think of you and talk about you often.  We made some great memories and though we don’t talk much I still see you as a best friend.”  I about burst into tears of happiness….yes…THIS is EXACTLY how I feel too!

P and I were sorority sisters in college.  We were not really in the same circles within the house and did not really become close friends until probably our junior year.  I’d pledged as a sophomore and the group I ran with was a little different than hers.  Kinda funny how even a small, liberal-arts university (with just 1600 undergrads) can still have its pockets and all, even though everyone pretty much knew everyone.  But our sorority was pretty big for a small university – around 80-90 members, as were the other two houses.  P and I had an apartment off campus our senior year…what an incredible experience that was for us after living in the dorms our freshmen year and in the sorority for two (spoiled with a very nice house and amazing food service compared to the dorm food).  The apartment was just a short two blocks away but it might as well have been the moon.  The campus is a square mile bubble of goodness in a town that, well, frankly is a little rough in patches.  I’ve driven by where she and I used to live those two decades ago and shudder…she and I lived THERE? In that crappy apartment? 

I looked through P’s family pictures in the envelope – wow her kids are so incredibly cute!  P does not use email a lot and only periodically surfaces in Facebook land.  I thought today, you know what, I’m going to sit down and write her a letter.  A LETTER!

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Or maybe a freight train.  When in the hell was the last time I wrote an actual snail mail letter to a friend?  To anyone??   And I challenge any of you who stumble around in here…when was the last time for you?  Not a quick postcard, not an email, not a text, not any messaging in Facebook or LinkedIn or other social media.  Hmmm??  For me it’s probably over a year.  And probably much longer than that for a hand-written snail mail letter.  Oh Lordy my handwriting has declined over the years.  I even remember way back it used to be common practice to send thank you letters – in snail mail – after job interviews.  Nowadays things move too fast.  Haven’t done that any time in this century I’m afraid.  Nope, email it is.

So I sit here, smiling, ready to shift gears and start writing to P.  I’ll think she’ll love what she finds in her mailbox.     

Reflecting and Looking Forward

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Wow…how fun that my typical blogging day – Sunday – is New Years Day!  What sprang from unemployment, boredom, frustration and a lifelong passion for writing is now over two years strong – this September ol’ fivenineteen here will be 3.  THREE!   This will likely be the most productive thing I do all day.  Oh, and taking the Christmas tree down too.  Thankfully it’s a 4 foot artificial tree.  Easy to pull apart and pack up until next time.

I remember as a kid I didn’t really “believe” it was the New Year until I saw it in writing.  Which meant seeing the new year in print on the newspaper the next morning.  There still is a part of me that feels that way…although now it’s the date readout on my cell phone, my home landline phone or even the little clock on the corner of the laptop screen here.  Yep, it’s Sunday January 1, 2012.  Wow.

It’s only natural to reflect back on the year that Was…2011 started off with a bang.  Literally.  My family said goodbye way too soon to a family member – my cousin’s ex wife – at age 41.  And a new relationship…intense, yes, which flamed out quickly.  And, admittedly, took me awhile to process.  Thanks to time and some newly-discovered wisdom shared with me by my dear friend T, it’s all so clear to me now.  And so great to just Let It All Go.

My health took a nosedive in late winter/early spring last year.  Enough to where any plans to hit the gym and train for the year’s 5Ks went out the window.  We had Typhoid Mary run rampant in that team’s cubicle farm.  I coughed for two months straight.  Here’s a tall glass of water in a plastic tumbler toast to a MUCH healthier 2012…with 5Ks to boot!  Hmmm, I might steer clear of the gym for a few weeks and try getting outside to exercise.  Such a cliche…it’s jam packed in January – too hard to get a free treadmill!

I’m optimistic and hopeful about the economy and my job.  Save for a two-week break last year between engagements, I was employed all of 2011!!  WHAT a relief after the mess of late 2009 and first half of 2010.  We HAVE to pull out of this drudgery that is a recession/depression/whatever it is.  It sucks and I have good friends still feeling the burn. 

My confidence in my Silpada jewelry business only continues to grow and grow…every conversation, every party, every question about my jewelry and what I’m doing only fuels me that I can really DO this, have fun, and make a surprisingly great commission on the side!  Just by “selling” a product I’ve loved for years!  (I use “selling” in quotes because it does not really feel like selling at all in the traditional sense.)  Just sharing info with people!  I meet up regularly with other local reps and the friendships that have grown from them are simply fabulous.  Incredible women. 

And what a great crescendo on the last part of 2011 when the consulting work I did for free back in 2010 popped into some extra paying work for a couple of months in late 2011!  That project is on hold right now, but there is a very strong chance we’ll resume work again with the client later this year. Fascinating…and who knows where it could lead?  I will be at my current full-time job through late June this year and I know it will go fast.  And believe me, I know how to network.  If I could stay on longer with this team through June I would leap at the opportunity.  But since I do consulting engagements, that’s not part of the deal usually.  Budget cycles and all mean consultants come and go.  Nothing personal.

I feel truly happy and blessed…big smiles as I welcome 2012 and look outside into the sunshine.  Time to get outside for a walk!