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Tag Archives: breathe

The Active Equinox

23 Sunday Sep 2012

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benefits, breathe, causes, changes, equinox, exercise, fitness, food, friendship, hockey, rhythm, Seattle, universe, vibration, walking

Welcome, Autumn!  And welcome Spring to my southern hemisphere readers!  The season changes are such a sensuous time of the year. Along with obvious changes like the longer shadows during the day, a slight chill in the air and a longing to put away the sandals and rock my fall shoes and boots, I truly believe – if you breathe really deeply into the Universe – that you can FEEL the change.  The vibration shift.  The motions that are perhaps unconscious to us but are all around us.

I remember watching the Cosmos TV series (on PBS) as a young teen.  This was a special Sunday night ritual with my Dad (my Mom didn’t seem too interested in it).  While much of what Carl Sagan talked about was too complex for my young mind to understand, it stirred something within me.  As if to say that seeds were planted – you might not understand everything now, fivenineteen, but your curiosity will grow throughout your life with an ongoing hunger to learn.

One of his segments talked about motion – how even if we appear to be still, we are not.  I may be standing still on the ground, but the ground is not motionless.  The Earth is turning on its axis.  The Earth is revolving around the Sun.  Our solar system is cruising along in some random outer arm of our galaxy (or perhaps in and out of galaxy arms – some say that is the reason for our planet’s Ice Ages)…AND our whole galaxy is whooshing through the universe too!  To where I have no idea.  Or how fast.  All of this is mind-blowing to me when I try to make sense of it all.  And believe me, Carl Sagan explained those last few sentences far better and far more eloquently than I ever could.

So, I made some of my own tiny motions into the Universe this weekend – both mentally and physically.  My resume was overdue for an update, and it felt good to sit for a few hours and really focus on capturing my latest work activities.  It’s funny, for as much as I love to write, I sometimes run into writer’s block about my career.  How can it be so hard to summarize my latest accomplishments and job responsibilities into a few short sentences and bullet points?  I’m much better at speaking about it than writing about it, resume-style.  The work I’ve done over the past year and a few months is something I’m so very proud of.  And my team is dynamite – I truly, truly believe that NO ONE ever does it alone and that many helping hands make the load lighter.  This team embraces and breathes this same philosophy as well, and it shows.  It’s not lip service.  It’s something practiced constantly.  I know this work engagement is ending to free me up for my next opportunity (and also for practical reasons, such as the budget for my role runs out later this year), and it’s like stepping off with a leap of faith that the right next step WILL happen.  I’ve been through this cycle a few times over the past 6 years and I feel better taking that next unknown leap now that the job market has improved somewhat compared with the 2009-2010 era.

That was Saturday.  Man it felt so good to just breathe and savor the change of seasons.  The weather has been absolutely beautiful.  Plus I was able to get my car emissions test done on Friday afternoon (part of the requirement to get new license tabs), rather than gobble up part of a cherished Saturday driving a ways out to the site and waiting in line.  Ugh.  It’s a necessary thing to do but the car emission test site is one of those evil vortexes where time slows to a painful crawl.  Same with the oil change places too!

And Sunday I joined my dear friend T and her friend D (whom I’ve met once before) and D’s adorable chocolate Lab, Lucy, to walk in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s Pacific Northwest benefit!  This was an easy, relaxing, two-mile walk along South Lake Union, north of the downtown Seattle core.  This walk raised over $280,000 for Alzheimer’s research!  T, D and I learned in chatting that we had each lost a grandmother to Alzheimer’s, so this was an especially important cause for each of us personally.  T is also on the Seattle board – so proud of her generous donation of time and talent, especially having just started a new (unrelated) full-time job herself! 

Now, if you haven’t been around the South Lake Union area recently, you’re in for quite a wonderful surprise.  The area is transforming.  Beautifully.  Sure, there is some temporary pain, such as crazyass road closures, maze-like swirls of lanes blocked off and general confusion, especially for someone like me who tends to drive past this neighborhood rather than have it as a destination.  I’m so glad today’s Alzheimer’s Walk showed me just how beautiful a transformation this is, and it stirs up my hunger again to someday live and work in Seattle proper, rather than the suburbs where I currently call home.

I was a little bleary and tired when the three of us met up for our carpool (there’s that darn ol’ ‘not a morning person’ flaw again), but by the time we were ready to walk and walking I felt more energized.  The sun was out but not too strong given the time of year, the lake was beautiful, people dressed in purple were everywhere (the color for Alzheimer’s awareness) and it was nice to savor this part of Seattle on foot.  Honestly I tend to just drive and whiz through the South Lake Union area or more recently avoid it all together given all the construction and transformation underway.  So it was fun to see the lake, the Kenmore Air seaplanes taking off and landing and the view of Gasworks Park (my very first apartment after college graduation was just up the hill from it – dumpy apartment but great views – you have to start somewhere!)

On my way home I felt on a roll and made a beeline to my gym (where my trainer, B, is kicking my ass every Wednesday night).  I had made a commitment to get in the gym Sunday nights, but I had a party to go to, so I figured why not get some more gym time in while I’m feeling good and on a roll from a fun but not too-strenuous-walk earlier? 

I think I’m going to be addicted soon to the rowing machine.  What a nice change from the treadmill.  I love how it relaxes tension in the upper back and shoulders.  It just feels like more of a full-body workout than the treadmill, and I truly appreciate B showing me the basics on how to use it, from the resistance settings, the “10 and 2” rocking motion back and forth (as in 2:00 forward and all the way back to 10:00 and so on) to getting your feet placed properly in the grips.  I rowed 2000m (1 mile and 427 yards) in 12 minutes!  My goal is to get up to 5000m at a stretch.  I also did some weight and lunge work, lat pulldowns, plus the somewhat-evil hamstring strengthener using a fitness ball for resistance.  Yep, I think I will be feeling all of this tomorrow for sure.

And I topped off the weekend with a party with my hockey teammates at our co-founder’s soon-to-be-second new donut shop!  It was great to see everyone and share a few laughs and hugs.  I love these guys like brothers and/but know my decision to take this season off is the best one for me.  I was happy that they were open to having me come back next summer season.  It’s never guaranteed – I don’t take that for granted – but it is nice it might be an option for next spring.  It will all depend on where I am at that point and if I really, truly miss the ice and the game of hockey after my break.  I have a feeling I will.

While I appreciated the food (and donuts!) provided at the party, I kept it to just one slice of Canadian bacon pizza and one beer. 

After all, I’m proud of the progress I’m making physically.

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Club 45

20 Sunday May 2012

Posted by fivenineteen in Uncategorized

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birthday, breathe, depression, family, food, hockey, massage, pampering, pedicure, personal growth, positivity, relaxing, romance, shopping, work

How in hell did I get to be 45?? Before I go into panic mode, let me breathe and remember…what’s that saying about getting older…enjoy it because it’s a privilege denied to many.  Ah, now that feels better.

I really do feel younger and sillier than I did in my 20s and 30s.  I was trying to stake a claim at some sort of career path and figure so much out.  Sure I had fun, but I was pretty serious at the core. 

And the two paths of my life, personal and professional, really started ‘forking’ and developing (or not) in very different ways.  I wouldn’t call myself a whiz or expert in my jobs, but I do good work and I’m proud of it.  I’m proud that I can provide for myself and support myself in a fairly decent lifestyle.  The personal side of me, well, that’s been a slippery path.  I struggled with depression starting in my late 20s and early 30s.  My friends, cousins and my brother were all getting married and having children…really turning into ‘adults’ I guess.  And me?  Nope.  Why wasn’t it happening for me?  Sure, there were dates and a few boyfriends but none of those relationships went anywhere.   Was there something wrong with me?  Did I miss something important about adult life or successful romantic relationships that everyone magically learned and I spaced?   Ugh, I hate feeling like some weirdo leftover freakazoid.   What was it??

Well, a few rounds of counseling and the school that is Life have helped immensely.  I never wanted to try going on antidepressants or anything.  Something about the fact they chemically alter the brain kind of freaks me out.  Maybe that’s not entirely a true statement.  I know many people who have taken them and it’s been extremely beneficial for them.  

I just keep trying to be open and self-aware and continue to grow and improve wherever I can at being the best I can be.  Sure there have been years that were clunkers, growing/rebuilding years and, looking back, a few that were downright shitty.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens exactly as it’s suppose to happen, even if the reason for it is not entirely clear in the moment.  And I never, ever give up.  I know that positivity is one of my strengths.  Yes, I do want to get married eventually. 

So, yesterday was my birthday (and the reason for the name of this blog too).  Given this was a mini-milestone birthday of sorts, I decided I deserved a little extra pampering. 

I got a massage on Thursday.  Hoo doggy, this was such an amazing experience that I am probably going to shuffle around some of my budget so I can get one monthly.  Kind of sad it’s been 5 years since I’ve had one!  And it shows alright!! J had her work cut out for her, as my upper shoulders and back are cement-like and full of knots.  I joked with her ahead of time about this and we had a good laugh.  She also suggested I play around with how I have my work and home laptops positioned.  My arms are pretty short compared to my torso and rest of my body, and she says I likely have the keyboards too far away, so the constant reaching causes stress and strain in my arms, shoulders and pecs.  Ah, makes sense!  Kind of sad how “just” working away at a desk on a computer can cause injuries over time!  Oh, and how did I connect up with J?  She is a client of L’s; he built her website in the link above.  Nice!

So on my actual birthday I had a wonderful lunch with my folks at Milagro in downtown Kirkland.  Such a prime spot right on Lake Street!  And the weather was beautiful, so everyone was out with kids, dogs, biking, roller blading…just glorious.  And crowded too; I joke that when the weather gets nice you simply cannot be in a hurry if you are driving through that part of town. 

This was the first time at Milagro for all 3 of us.  And what do they say about first impressions…the ambiance is very nice and we were seated at a very generous sized booth.  Only when the server brought the menus did we notice a large area of the table had not been wiped clean.  Oops.  Later when our iced teas came my Mom’s glass was dirty.  Ew.  Thankfully they were very apologetic and fixed the problems quickly, but after that I was closely inspecting every piece of silverware and the dishes as we were served the whole rest of the lunch! Too funny.  The food was very good – we had a trio of salsas and chips for appetizers, and I had a wonderful chopped salad with carrots, corn, black beans, avocado and radishes…and a few other things that escape me right now.   Mom had a shrimp salad with apples and jicama and Dad chose the Enchiladas.  Delicious!

So I figured I need to stop denying myself indulgent things (within reason so I don’t break my budget) and just spend time getting more pampering.  Reserving time in my life to relax and recharge without guilt.  The massage was a huge, glaring reminder in neon letters that this is SO important to my well-being and feeling totally connected with my body.

Later in the afternoon I spent a little time shopping at Sur La Table – gosh we are so blessed to have this store in Kirkland!  I picked up some new kitchen hand soap and lotion (limoncello scented, yes!) and some tongs and a flexible trivet both in happy apple green.

And I topped off my pampering with a much-needed, overdue pedicure.  This was a total last-minute decision – I was so happy they had an opening!!  Now I can wear my open-toes shoes and sandals without cringing, well, for the next couple weeks or so.  Love it.

Summer hockey season starts tonight! I can’t WAIT to get back on the ice.  THIS is the best way to fight off good ol’ middle age…skate your ass off with a bunch of late 20-something (mostly) teammates.  Who I love like brothers.

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Don’t Take Anything Personally

27 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by fivenineteen in Uncategorized

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4 agreements, abuse, actions, book, breathe, compliment, dreams, embarrassed, emotional garbage, feedback, pain, projection, sensitive, teasing

This calls for a cup of coffee! 

And this is the second part of The Four Agreements book I’ve committed – joyously – to read and blog about over the next four weeks.  This book is compelling enough that I know it will be well broken-in and loved even after I am done with my first read through.

The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, summarizes this chapter:  “Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Wow.  Just, WOW!

Why do we take things personally?  If someone random dude on the street yells, “hey, you stupid bitch,” without even knowing me, it’s not about me, it’s about them.  If I were to take that random mudslinging personally, then perhaps I believe I am a stupid bitch.  I might even wonder “…how does he know?  Is he clairvoyant or does everyone else out there see how stupid – and bitchy – I am?”  The minute I choose to agree with this I’ve taken the ‘poison’ as Ruiz calls it, and I’m trapped…trapped in a dream of Hell.

Why eat others’ emotional garbage?  Emotional garbage…ah, love that term too. 

Oh man, I remember getting teased a lot as a kid. Painful.  Kids can be absolutely verbally brutal to one another, don’t you think?  I’d come home in tears sobbing about this and that, crying on my Mom’s shoulder.  And I in turn picked on others I saw as ‘weaker’ than me.  I remember my Mom saying stuff like, “Just ignore them and it will go away,” or even the doozy, “Don’t take it personally.”  That’s a LOT for an 8 or 9 year old to process…when you’re young all of that playground politics IS your world and nothing else matters.

What if someone insults us, truly hurts our feelings deep down to our core?  Ruiz responds by saying, “…it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said.  You are hurting yourself.”

So THAT’S it.  Oh, and how did I come across this book, on a side note?  Remember the “Two Surprising Ds” post I did recently?  I am really enjoying this new friendship with D, the woman I used to see ‘squatting’ in a building cafeteria where we worked – as did I.  (Consultants without official workspaces get to eek out space wherever we can!)  Thank you Michael Kors for getting us officially acquainted – she recognized me waiting in line at the store in Bellevue Square and I am so glad she said hello!

One night at a happy hour I was venting to her and a few of her friends about how I got my chops busted a little at work.  I was still fuming a bit and feeling taken down a notch or two.  Vulnerable.  I strive to be open minded, open to feedback from co-workers around me, but when it’s delivered in front of another consultant I have just met, well, that’s NOT OK in my book.  The energy in that small meeting was jacked up and just overall way off.  And I felt cut off at the knees, embarrassed, and in my defense, got, well, admittedly, defensive.  Hate to admit it, but I did.  There, I said it.  So D immediately cut to the chase and said ummm, you took it personally and oh you SO need to read this book!    

There’s something about a double whammy back at me when people tell me to not take things personally.  I get stubborn and feel like lashing out with well hell I will feel however I want to, so NEENERS.  Yeah, that’s mature, right?  It’s been a lifelong process for me to shed that, grow up, and even take things to the next level by reading this book.  Nope, it’s not about me.  Nothing is.  Not even when people get mad at me.  My truth is only my perception – no one else’s.  I let someone push my buttons and I fell off my ‘stance.’  I got defensive when someone told me to not be defensive!  Whoops.  

Now I can breathe and learn through that recent experience and let it go.  And it feels fantastic!

What about the flip side, say when someone says “you are wonderful.”  Ruiz explains:  “…they are not saying that because of you.  You know you are wonderful.  It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful.  Don’t take anything personally.  Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it was nothing personal.  Even at that extreme.”

OK wow, I had not even taken it that far in my mind but alrighty!  But let’s back up to the compliment of “you are wonderful.”  What’s wrong with acknowledging a compliment like that with a genuine THANK YOU in return?  I was always taught to appreciate compliments and not brush them off.  I’ll have to keep mulling over that one.  Perhaps he means that – let me read my paragraph above again – that if we already feel that way we don’t need others to tell us?

When we take things personally, we set ourselves up to suffer.  To suffer for nothing.  Ruiz even talks about abuse: “…if you have the need to be abused you will find it easy to be abused by others.  Likewise, if you are with people who need to suffer, something in you makes you abuse them…they are asking for justification for their suffering.”

If we don’t take things personally, we will never be hurt by what other people say or do.  How freeing is that?  We are not responsible for the actions of others…we’re only responsible for ourselves.

So my goal is to really, truly incorporate this mantra into my daily living and breathing, even moreso on top of my tough lifelong journey to shed that old skin.  I know I can do it and I won’t judge or beat myself up when I slip either.  Onward!

Next week’s post:  Don’t Make Assumptions.                

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