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Be Impeccable With Your Word

20 Sunday Nov 2011

Posted by fivenineteen in Uncategorized

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4 agreements, beauty, book, drama, excellence, gossip, love, mind, perfection, poison, spells, truth, word

OK, we’re off and running here!  Last week I committed to blogging over the next four weeks about an amazing book I’m slowly savoring and reflecting upon.

It’s called The Four Agreements, written by Don Miguel Ruiz.  And if you have sharp eyes you’ll notice the picture of the book is from the nice people at Amazon.com (thanks, everyone!)  This book was written about 15 years ago, but the wisdom it contains goes back thousands of years.  The knowledge comes from the Toltec people, stemming back to southern Mexico.  It’s not a religion, but it does honor all spiritual masters who have taught on Earth.

Ruiz explains that dreaming is the main function of our minds, and our minds dream 24/7.  The difference is when we are awake “…there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way.  When we go to sleep we do not have the frame, and the dream has the tendency to change constantly.” 

Wow, that’s profound!  I never thought we’re actually dreaming while awake too (except for day dreaming).  No wonder our dreams when asleep can be so wacky and random, only making sense in their moment.  Once we’re awake – poof – they’re mostly gone.

Simple and profound – this is the exquisite content within this book.  I find it both very challenging and relaxing to read and contemplate, and much of it I will need to read several times through – joyously – to truly attempt to understand.  Don’t get me wrong – the language is easy to read and the tone is like firm love.

He calls what society teaches us “human domestication.”  We didn’t choose to speak our native tongue when we were growing up, we didn’t choose our religion – we didn’t even choose our own name!  What happens during this process is we “…form an image of what perfection is in order to try to be good enough.  We create an image of how we should be in order to be accepted by everybody…like Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher.  Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don’t fit this image.  We create this image, but this image is not real.  We are never going to be perfect from this point of view.  Never!  Not being perfect, we reject ourselves.  And the level of self-rejection depends upon how effective the adults were in breaking our integrity.”

He talks about abuse…how much we judge and abuse ourselves for our mistakes.  In relationships, if we are with someone who abuses us more than we abuse ourselves we will likely walk away from that person.  But if we are with someone who abuses us just a bit less than we abuse ourselves, we will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.

So here is the first agreement and my (gloriously imperfect) ramblings about it:

Be Impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Through our word we express our creative power…through it we manifest everything.  Our word is a double-edged sword…we can create beauty with it or destroy everything around us.

What does impeccable mean here?  It means we take responsibility for our actions but we do not judge or blame ourselves.

Wow.  That’s huge. *Raises hand*…I am likely the queen of self-blame and self-criticism.  Only in the past, most recent decade of my life, thanks to an amazing therapist, was this pointed out to me…reflected back in my face like a giant mirror, on how badly I beat myself up over everything I do that falls short of perfection.  Rather, we are human and gloriously flawed.  Breathe, breathe….strive for EXCELLENCE, not perfection.  This is the relatively new internal message I’ve worked so hard to incorporate into my core being, swimming upstream against decades more of habit and DNA. Oy. It’s a journey, not a quick fix.

Ruiz goes on to discuss gossip and how mainstream it is for us as a communication vehicle – and how poisonous it is, like a computer virus within our minds.  How many times have we gossiped about the person we love the most to gain support from others for our point of view?  Reality check:  your opinion is your point of view.  Doesn’t mean it’s true…rather it comes from your own belief, your own ego, your own dream.

How fertile are our minds for negative ideas and “spells” people put upon us?  If we are impeccable with our word our minds become only fertile for words that come from love.  And how we feel about ourselves – how much we love ourselves – is directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of our word.

So this is the first of four new ‘seeds’ planted in my (fertile) mind.  How impeccable am I with my word right now?  How often do I tell myself how wonderful and great I am?  Do I speak (and write) the truth in everything I do?  I’ve been called “honest to a fault” by some, and I actually take that as a huge compliment.  How many white lies do we tell every day?  To others?  To ourselves?  Yeah, I love gossip as much as the next person, but I wouldn’t label myself as gossip-y.  My goal this past week and going forward is to always say what I mean and mean what I say, both speaking and in writing.  And to not beat myself up if I am not perfect.

I feel happy and alive on this journey…waves of goodness wash all around me and inside me too. Is this some sort of cleansing?  I’m not questioning it one bit; just loving every second of this new “work.”

Next week’s Second Agreement post:  Don’t take things personally. This one’s gonna be a doozy in so many ways.       

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Two Surprising Ds

02 Sunday Oct 2011

Posted by fivenineteen in Uncategorized

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bra, cafeteria, colleague, connections, D, escalator, gossip, haircut, lingerie, Nordstrom

I had a really great week but up until yesterday still hadn’t had an aha moment or two or three to inspire me to write today.

Then, within hours, two sprang up yesterday.  Quite literally, actually.

Saturday was a couple hours at the salon getting my color touched up and my hair cut.  Good laughs and time to get my OK! and People mag fixes.  I’m all caught up on celebrity gossip now!

Then, I forced myself to go to the mall.  I LOVE shopping, but I can’t stand shopping for bras.  Yeah, bras and swimsuits are the two worst.  Not fun.  But believe me, it was time.  When your bras stop doing their job, wires break, well it ain’t pretty and it’s super uncomfortable.  And, as much as I hate to admit it, some of mine are a leeetle too tight in the band now.  That’s either weight gain, loss of muscle tone or both.  So I figured I would do the bra shopping first and then do something fun afterwards, like get some new makeup or perfume to reward myself. And why “waste” freshly-done hair by just going home, right?

Next destination:  the lingerie section at Nordstrom in Bellevue Square.  OK, I had to first stop in makeup, jewelry and then upstairs to look at cute sweaters.  THEN I headed up the escalator and procrastinated some more…browsing around looking at cute sleepwear…then a sales person asked if I needed help.  Ummm…yeah, I need new bras I kind of mumbled.  She smiled and said no problem and that she’d measure me to make sure I had the right size.  

OK, I remember doing this a few years ago.  I was super self-conscious about it as that was my first time ever getting fitted, but they are pros.  And it’s a free service!  Alright, are you wondering how they do it?  C’mon, you’re curious, admit it.  Here’s what happens:  you and your fitter go into a dressing room.  You take your top off with your back turned to the fitter and face a non-mirrored wall.  You keep your bra on, and she measures you for your band size.  Then she asks if you have a favorite brand.  She comes back with a few basic styles just to get an idea of your cup size and you take it from there.  She helps you into the bras by standing behind you and holding it for you to slip your arms through.  Then she fastens it in the back and you turn around and she helps you get it adjusted and helps decide if it’s a good fit or not.  So yay, no bare booby moments with the fitter.

So as she was measuring me she said yeah, you’re around a 36.  Really?  That’s what I’ve worn for years and now most of my bras are too snug even in the loosest clasp.  She said, well, yes, you might be more around a 38 – we’ll try both.  OK, that sounds good to me…well, not really that I’ve gone up a band size but that’s reality right now.  My favorite brand, by the way?  Chantelle.  These bras are beautifully made and just really work well on my figure. No, they’re not cheap, but they last for years and years.  And that day I was on a mission to get t-shirt style bras…those that are just simple and smooth and don’t have a lot of lace.  Just basics that look nice under sweaters.

As L was heading out of the dressing room to grab a few for me to try, I said oh, these are gonna be C cup, right?  She smiled and said, no…D.

I stood there in shock, looking at this petite brunette who was probably all of 30 who had just measured me…and I looked her right in the eye and said are you shittin’ me? Good Lord almighty.  Normally I can keep my cool but that just popped out of my mouth.  L kept her cool, smiled and didn’t miss a beat.  No, that’s your size, she says.  And we both laughed a little.  Man, I’m sure she hears it all with that kind of job.

Then she left the dressing room.  And I had a rather awkward moment with myself.  What the hell is it about store dressing rooms…the light is always so unflattering.  I sat down in the corner seat and looked across into the mirror…I’m just wearing jeans, black high-heeled boots and my now-too-tight Chantelle bra.  My pale skin looks like a plucked chicken in that horrible fluorescent lighting.  My lost muscle tone.  Rolls and bulges I don’t remember seeing before, made worse as I was sitting down in my jeans. UGH IS THIS ME? 

And how in the hell am I now a D cup?  That just seems…well, BIG.  I’d been a 34B for years…forever it seemed.  And I could never quite fill out that cup size but I would buy it anyway just ’cause.  ‘Cause that was my size!  Back in college we had a joke club in our sorority:  the IBTC.  Yep, the itty bitty titty committee.  And I was Vice President.  I remember later when I first got professionally fitted and found out I’d morphed into a 36C.  And now, up another size yet again.

A few minutes later L came back and I came mentally back to 2011 after that daydream down Bra Memory Lane.  I giggled again and said sorry, I’m still trying to process this new info!  Anyway, we tried on a few styles and I ended up with 3 I really liked.  Not loved, because, well I still was in shock.  L was great the entire time…I thanked her so much for her help and said thank you for making a not-so-fun chore a tiny bit fun for me!  She really was fantastic.

$235 later I was on my way back down the escalator, headed into the main mall.  (Yeah, I told you these bras are not cheap, eesh). I looked down at my shopping bag, new bras all nicely wrapped with tissue.  And smiled.

Next it was off to Sephora – I was tempted to get a new mascara but then remembered I have a ton at home.  Willpower, yes!

I walked past the Michael Kors store and realized I hadn’t been in there in awhile.  I really love his stuff and how this store is laid out.  An SA approached me and he and I chatted for awhile, admiring shoes and bags (ahh, my favorites!)  I wasn’t really in the mood to purchase a bag given the $$ I just spent on my new bras, BUT I then suddenly remembered how everyone raves about Michael Kors perfume…and I’ve never tried it!  So I asked R to show me the perfume.  I tried a little spritz of it and LOVED it.  I have no idea how to describe it but I am in love with it.  Amazing.

R was waiting for a cash register so he could ring me up and we just chatted for awhile.  He asked what I do for a living and I said I’m consulting at (name of company).  Then I heard a somewhat loud woman’s voice behind me:

“I THOUGHT that was you!!”

Do you know that moment when you turn around and see someone you think you recognize but aren’t quite sure how to place it?  I smiled and looked at the woman.  Where do I know her from?  Then she jumped in, “…building 110, remember?  The cafeteria??”  Aha, now I do!  Too funny!

Back at my last work engagement, consultants did not get official, assigned workspaces.  You could try squatting in empty cubicles but more often than not the routine was to either work at home (which I can’t stand) or find a place in the cafeteria that’s close to an electrical outlet.  This also was a less than ideal setup – the chairs are not ergonomically correct for sitting for hours, and during the peak lunch hours it gets so noisy it’s hard to concentrate.  And don’t even try to be on a conference call during those times – too much background noise.  But I knew that would be the deal going into the gig so I wasn’t too surprised when I had to give up my unofficial cubicle.

So I officially met D, my cafeteria colleague.  She too has moved to another group on campus, and we had a blast reconnecting, sharing our common memory of the ol’ cafeteria.  We talked about networking and how important it is, especially in our line of work.  She explained, while purchasing an incredible black leather bag, how she is a part of a group of women who meet periodically for professional networking.  Sign me up!  I handed her one of my Silpada business cards and she said oh…jewelry?  We may need to REALLY chat soon now!  

R, the SA, was very patient, waiting for D and me to finish our chat as he wrapped up my new perfume.  He smiled, hearing us reconnect and all.

Will D and I stay in contact?  I sure hope so – I really liked her personality and energy.  And in just that short chat we seemed to have a lot in common.  

I drove home, smiling.  New haircut, new bras and a new colleague connection!  That’s the funny and cool thing about weekends…you never know what’s gonna happen!        

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