4 agreements, ceiling, connections, cooking, cranky, friendship, overwhelmed, projects, stress, suburbs, work
…and wouldn’t that be nice eh? The gift of time is one of the most precious of all. And here I sit on a glorious Sunday…quiet save for a little street noise. And yet I glance at the clock and grumble. I so fucking hate Daylight Savings Time I don’t even know where to begin. And I’ve probably bitched about it in last year’s posts.
No, wait – I haven’t. Or maybe I mentioned it briefly somewhere last year or even in my posts from March 2010. Hmmm, go take a peek and see for yourselves. Dang…Marches have been tough the past two years – a whole lot of memories come flooding back as I glance through those old posts. Ahhh, I do see a DST rant in a March 2011 post. At least I’m consistent.
Why am I so anti-DST? Well, I’m a terrible morning person. So when we do this Spring Forward thingy and move our clocks an hour ahead, it takes me a good week or so to adjust. I feel like I’m constantly running late – running behind. Exhausting, especially for someone like me who tries to be pretty punctual. And yet when I travel and do time zone changes, it doesn’t bother me one bit (well, overseas travel takes a day or two to adjust but that’s expected). And I snap out of hating mornings. I’m somewhere new and different and don’t want to just sleep the day away!
I’ve been stressed out the past few weeks – work, HOA stuff, the popcorn ceiling scraping project and on and on. I finally admitted to myself that while my townhouse isn’t super duper neat and clean, at least when I make a mess it’s MY mess. Now I’m in a state of transition, as L and I slowly progress through the popcorn ceiling scraping project. My rooms are rearranged and oddly cluttered. And it’s disruptive. Messy. As I’ve posted before, I now totally get why people move out during home renovations whenever possible.
So I was mentally gearing up for another round of ceiling scraping with L this weekend. The plan was that he was going to come over to my place Friday afternoon, work from there, crash on my couch and then we’d start work first thing in the morning. This is what we’ve done before and it’s worked out really well. We hadn’t done any work the past few weeks given our schedules and I was looking forward to getting back to it.
Those of you who regularly tune in here know that work has been stressful. I come home at night mentally fried and it takes me awhile to unwind and untangle my knotted forehead. While it’s the “good” kind of stress (mostly) that motivates me, it still takes a toll. I had a big smile moment on Friday when my Manager asked me if I planned to take off any time for vacation in July. And I giggled and said well, you know, this really could be a moot conversation! My work assignment is slated to wrap up end of June, by design. So while I’m not getting my hopes up – things like budgets need to be approved and all – I take it as a teeny good sign that my engagement could be extended out a few more months.
I trekked into downtown Seattle after work to toast a friend’s birthday. Happy Hour at PNK Ultra Lounge. It was wonderful seeing friends again and a nice change of scenery getting out of suburbia and into the city – something I achingly long for. More city time. Sometimes this girl in the suburbs feels a little out of place. That’s probably more fodder for another post!
I had told L I had a great idea for a slow cooker recipe for Saturday and he seemed all for it. I had a shopping list somewhere deep in my purse and knew I needed to grab groceries when I got home. But when I got closer to my house I had to pee so bad I couldn’t just go right to the store. I got home, gave L a big hug and just unwound for a few minutes. The hot UPS man had delivered more new Silpada jewelry samples and I couldn’t wait to unpack them all and play!
L was hungry and so I grabbed a pizza along with the stuff for cooking tomorrow morning. I was going to make a Bolognese sauce in the slow cooker and then bake it over some sliced polenta and a little parmesan cheese. GREAT comfort food.
I got back home again, unpacked the groceries and realized I needed to go upstairs and do a little more work on the home laptop here. Which was completely misbehaving and running super slow. I couldn’t launch what I needed to and had to reboot the laptop several times. I felt guilty for being upstairs and not spending time with L, watching TV together. Finally (FINALLY) I got my additional stuff done. It was probably 9:30 by now and I was not in a happy mood.
I went downstairs and unpacked a few more jewelry samples. Just kind of shuffled the little boxes around, trying to get my mood stabilized and happier. L and I talked about the plan for Saturday and got caught up on the latest Californication episodes. I gotta admit, this series is growing on me – it’s been out for a few years but I didn’t have Showtime until just recently. (But the Charlie character will always be Harry Goldenblatt to me – just saying).
Around 11 we were both tired. I went upstairs to sleep. When I woke up Saturday morning, it seemed really quiet downstairs. I went downstairs and L (and the dog) were gone. So was his car. I figured he went out to get coffee but then I found a note by my phone. Said he wasn’t feeling well and went home – didn’t want to wake me up.
NOT happy here. I’d slept off my weeklong stress and was psyched to get to work and tackle more of this project with him. Now, I felt flaked out on and, frankly, taken advantage of. Here was someone I let hang out in my house all day and left before doing the work he promised he’d help me with. ERRRGHHH!! We texted and he told me he wasn’t feeling well and that I seemed cranky. Hmmm, probably not a good combination. Then we chatted on the phone for a bit. We’re definitely going to reschedule – we just haven’t confirmed when.
So once again I sat in my living room and had a moment. What the hell is going on here? Am I REALLY that much of a cranky bitch that people don’t want to be around me? How did I go from happy person enjoying a night out with friends to coming home and feeling overwhelmed again at home? On the other hand, L knows what he’s getting into when he stays at my place. We are not dating and the vibe is totally different when it’s a platonic, male friendship vs. something romantic, obviously. It’s kind of like having a part-time roommate.
And then I wondered: is there a technology conflict between my internet service and his? He uses a portable, wireless service when he comes over here to work. Does that conflict with mine? Hey, if anyone out there has any theories let me know. Or is it just a coincidence that every time he’s here and working and I fire up my laptop my speeds are down to a crawl?
And then I wondered more: why am I taking him leaving so goddamn personally? He’s not feeling well. End of story. And if someone is sick they should be home resting and not spreading germs around. I remembered to stop, breathe and remember The Four Agreements. One of which is Don’t Take Things Personally. Yep, that’s my uber challenging one – a lifelong lesson for sure. Once again, I let someone push my buttons. Sensitive buttons.
So now I breathed again…this is a gift of time! Let’s be positive here! Gosh, what can I do on a now freed-up Saturday? Well, I connected. I got caught up with two friends over the phone and later went to a nearby craft store to check out jewelry display trays. Normally craft stores make me mental – I have little patience for crafts – but a little browsing and shopping (candles and ocean-scented potpourri) was just what I needed to reset.
Now I’m just enjoying the afternoon and may grab a nap before hockey tonight. Yep, the ground beef went into the freezer – I’ll save the Bolognese sauce cooking for another time…just like the home projects.