Do you embrace change? Or run screaming away from it? Or perhaps somewhere in between?
Change definitely stirs up flutters (or sometimes earthquakes) within me. And as the years roll by it’s immensely easier for me to accept and embrace whatever it is rather than dig in my heels and bitch. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? I’ve jumped through lots of firestorms in my life and I always land on my feet, albeit a bit bruised or burned sometimes. But always wiser and stronger.
I’m spinning in a whirlwind web of change that’s inserted itself into my life since the calendar flipped to 2011. And not complaining, just trying to digest it all. Like I’ve said before, it’s already been a hell of a year.
3 weeks ago I had a (first) coffee date that turned into 5 hours of conversation, laughter and a short walk to go get a beer and nachos. How can it be that I feel so happy and comfortable (and excited/nervous too) with someone I’ve known just a few weeks? Someone who dare I say it I might not have ever met were it not for an internet connection? I was thisclose to closing out my online dating membership thingy when it was up but got a “wait, we’ll give you ‘x’ more months half price.” And I caved. And wow am I ever glad I did.
There’s a connection for sure. Great chemistry, great comfort. This is a warm wash of happiness I haven’t felt in, well, perhaps ever.
Nope, not ever like this before.
The fun discovery of getting to know someone – all of someone. And I’m still relishing the memory of last weekend’s supper club gathering at his place. Although a teeny part of me felt like an alien who was suddenly teleported into a group where everyone’s known eachother for years (hence a tad nervous but hey it was people, food, conversation and most of you know how important that is to me), moreso and much moreover it was a joy.
Making plans in advance? Wow. Yep, he’s asked me to join him at the next supper club gathering. Which is in early March. I don’t know if he knows how much that gesture means to me. Hmmm…if he doesn’t know now he soon will.
Now, let’s talk hair. As in haircuts and hairdressers. Relationships with hairdressers are uniquely intimate. OK, that might not be true for guys, but I think most women will agree with me here. This is someone who touches you in ways most people don’t. Not trying to be flip, funny or kinky here, people. Seriously, how many people do you let touch your hair? See what I mean about it being so intimate? And trusting someone to cut and style it – this is something intensely personal. Yet we wear our hair out in public every day. I read somewhere in a beauty book years ago to invest your money in a great haircut (and color). Because, yes, “…you wear your hair every day.” Makes sense!
And after getting your hair cut every six to eight weeks by the same incredibly talented person for 20+ years, well, you get to know them. Not in a “let’s go shopping someday or go on a girls’ weekend in Vegas” way – at least not in our case – but still, there’s a friendship of sorts there. 20+ years is half a lifetime after all.
I guess it was time for a change. I love her haircuts and her company. But I got so goddamned tired of hearing how life for her was spiraling downward into dark, uncomfortable places the past 2-3 years. Foreclosure on her townhome. Bankruptcy. A relationship that was peppered with restraining orders, drug abuse and the tense struggle to maintain their sobrieties. Death of a parent after a long illness. Is it wrong to cut things off (no pun intended)? Am I being disloyal for not sticking by her while she loses her (non haircutting) job and struggles financially? Calls me to tell me she has a new phone number because her other one got cut off? And then when I call her to make a haircut appointment a few weeks later she doesn’t return my call – and doesn’t have email? I can’t even send a freaking postcard – no idea where she now lives. So yeah, I might be making too big a deal out of making that change, but as you can see I put some thought into it!
Yep, I think I’m breaking up…with my hairdresser.
So now there’s H – a recommendation from the salon where I get my highlights done. I’d forgotten what it was like to get my hair cut in a salon (R’d been cutting my hair at my house for a decade) with someone who’s happy and sparkling! I wasn’t nervous at all – I guess I’d thought I would be as I told her she’s the first new person to cut my hair in years. And I laughed thinking that, yep, when I first met R, H (the new hairdresser) was in preschool – she’s 27 I found out. Dayum.
I gots me a new ‘do. And I love it.
And then there’s the work ecosystem. We’ve had a few recent splashes and white caps in the proverbial pond here. I am taking over a project from someone who left our group recently and am scrambling to find puzzle pieces where I’m not sure what they look like. Or they may have fallen off the table onto the floor. So I feel good that I’m being entrusted to grab the baton and run, but a little nervous too. And a few of us in our immediate team realm have had changes in their roles and titles. It’s fascinating to see how this change affects each of them. We’ve got no change, we’ve got some attitude that needs to be put in check, to, well, behavior changes that reek of passive aggressiveness (major ewwwww) which disrupt what we’ve worked so hard to build for months in good rapport and in very close workspace quarters. I guess things are bound to flare up occasionally, but I’m one to talk things out and clear the air in the moment, not let it linger over a weekend. GUH. This is an unfinished story as I write these words and I honestly don’t know how much detail I want to share here. For the words make it seem stupid and petty. Which it is and isn’t. How’s that for cryptic? Let me put it this way – when buttons get pushed and boundaries get crossed, watch out.
And this, my friends, is my one hundredth post. 100!! Please raise your glasses and join me in a (glass of water) toast! After all, it’s only lunchtime here.