Let’s get one thing straight here.  Back pain and I are as far apart as the East is from the West.  And for that I couldn’t be happier.  So whatever the fuck happened last night has got me scratching my head and constantly shifting around sitting and standing to get through these twinges today.

I must have slept funky last night.  No reason for that as our weather’s cooled down considerably (I honestly don’t mind unusual mid/upper 90s temperatures here in the summer) – that’s around 36c for those who think Celsius – but it IS hard to get to sleep when it’s super warm.  It’s a toss up between opening a window which means a lot of street noise but fresher air, or no street noise and hot, stagnant air.  And while work is busy and timelines are tight, I truly feel I can “shut off” my brain in the evening and just table anything on my mind until the next morning.  I don’t let work issues keep me up at night…this is actually a huge difference compared to how I was a decade or so ago now that I think about it! 

I’m very grateful to have the technology to work from home.  Because that’s what I did today!  But after so much time out of work it truly is a joy to get up, commute and work with lots of people on challenging issues.  Oh yeah, there’s politics and all, but I’ll take being around people and decent paychecks over sitting at home job hunting any day!  And the fact my one lone meeting today was canceled (so rare having zero meetings on any given day), well that sealed the deal. 

So as I sat here on the work laptop and I continued to stretch, twist and move around to stop the back twinges, I realized something else:  tonight was my 25th high school reunion gathering. 

Has it REALLY been 25 years since high school?  Frankly, I’m in denial, people. Ahh yes, high school.  How was it for you?  Wonderful or miserable?  For me it was all kinds of wonderful.  Sure there were problems and drama but overall I had a blast.  But with very few exceptions, high school was its own isolated Capsule of Goodness.  Meaning, once it was over, I kept in touch with very few people.  It might sound a little strange, but the door that closed that era off was pretty thick.

And I had been looking forward to attending this reunion, for I’d missed our 10th and 20th.  Now it looks like the 25th is a no-go for me too.  Meanwhile thanks to the magic of Facebook I’ve reconnected with quite a few high school friends and it’s been amazing! 

So what’s the deal here?  Is there a teeny bit of insecurity preventing me from going to my high school reunion?  Ummm, well, possibly but I hope *if* that’s part of the dealio that it’s a teensy piece.  Because, honestly, after 25 years I don’t need to prove anything to my high school classmates. Enough Life has gone by to where we’ve all been up, down and all around right?

And yet there’s a part of me that needs to feel “on” for events like these.  But yet I feel so “off” with this back pain.  Should I care I’m about 30 lbs heavier than I was a couple years ago?  Should I care I’m a couple weeks overdue for a hair color touchup and can’t get an appointment till next weekend?  That I need a mani/pedi something fierce?  That I barely slept last night and am feeling like shit on a stick?  Let’s go deeper…how about that I’m still single?  That it’s just me showing up with no husband or kids in tow like 99.999% of everyone will be doing? 

I feel like a turd for bailing at the last minute.  I’m not one to do this AT ALL and I hope most people out there who know me don’t think me as flakey.  When I commit to showing up somewhere I am there.  I normally don’t let pain interfere either.  I’ve taken a few bumps and hits along the way in hockey and don’t let that stop me from going to work the next day.  But I’ve never had a back injury in hockey, knock on wood.  So I’m not used to dealing with or working through this type of pain. 

For now, I will stretch, rest, think happy thoughts to my classmates enjoying tonight and hope for some rest and no pain tomorrow.