OK, well maybe frustration is more like it but still.  So many things are swirling and whirling about in my head right now.  As of this afternoon there still isn’t a confirmed start date for my new job.  Talk about a test of patience!  I know looking back I will probably laugh at why I didn’t just chill out and take advantage of all this additional free time and not worry about it but that’s not happening right now.  

The good thing is that I’ve still had a chance to go to the new office, shake a bunch of hands, do paperwork, pick up my laptop and even grab coffee and a walk with a person I’ll be working with…once that darn start date is confirmed!  

OK…so maybe it’s true that a watched pot never boils.  I tested this theory by breaking away from the home office here and decided to hit the gym.  What a novelty – or at least a recent one!  I don’t think I’d been in there to work out since around the Olympics, so ummm…gulp, yeah…a little over two months.  Whoops.

And, sadly, that two-month gap showed.  There’s a little bit, um, more of me than there used to be and I could feel those lovely old stomach rolls moving about as I fired up the treadmill.  Not meaning to gross anyone out here – I’m not obese by any means – but if you’ve ever gained weight you know that feeling.  So, OK, I’ve burned this off before and I can do it again, right?  Yes!  I started up my iPod and thought I was seeing things because the darn thing looked possessed!  Words on my playlists were all jumbled up like anagrams or missing a letter or two in the song titles or artist names – no joke!  I freaked thinking I’d lost my music files but everything SEEMED to be working and sounding right – just displaying all freaky weird.  I tried not to let that bother me and just finished my workout.  Turns out re-synching it with my laptop did the trick and fixed whatever that psycho glitch was.  Whew!

I felt better after getting my ass moving for awhile, but then came home and the frustration immediately kicked in again.  No new updates.  Nothing.  I know everyone’s busting their buns to get everything squared away and it’s nothing to do with anything personal.  And I dug myself further into the hole of frustration – so pissed off that this frustration was polluting the overall good news that I’m going back to work!!  Oh and what else?  “Hurry up and wait” totally blows chunks!  HA!

Then I remembered something I’d read that literally clanged between my eyeballs.  And after I read it I IMMEDIATELY calmed down inside and started to breathe much more deeply.

“This is not your problem to solve.” 

What a revelation!!  Such joy releasing all that silly tension and worry!  So where did I find this gem of a reminder?  My friend P’s blog, which is chock full of amazing things she is working on with quality time, fitness, healthy living – the whole works.  Great stuff.

I’m normally a very sound sleeper but sadly woke up in the middle of the night wondering when things would be getting underway and when I would get back to a new, normal routine – that darn old job start date already!  But then I rolled over, snuggled up in my comforter and concentrated on just letting my body melt into my bed and letting my breathing become more deep, thorough and relaxed.

And I whispered ever so softly to myself…

“This is not your problem to solve.”